By Kris Conesa

This week Spring Fling made its way to the Dirty South, celebrities littered the streets of South Beach and yours truly celebrated his birthday with a spectacular bash at Cameo/Vice. But because I half expected the weekend to suck, when it didn’t I was left flabbergasted and in an unresponsive state of shock that carried over into my waking life. So, excuse my post-traumatic stress and believe me when I tell you that despite my preconceived notions on the current state of nightlife, last week was one for the scrapbooks.

All-in for Charity

It’s nice to know not everyone in this city is a self-centered pompous ass. I mean, one of me is enough, right? But for those who have a more altruistic mentality and love to party in the name of charity, this event was for you. On Friday, the 9th annual Fashion Art Ball took place at Casa Casuarina and saw the likes of every local celebrity known to the MIA playing no-limit Texas hold ’em and strutting down a catwalk like they were just too sexy for their shirts. Channel 7’s Louis Aguirre played emcee while Thomas Kramer, Michael Capponi, Lance Burstyn, Tony Guerra, Peter Loftin and so, so many others worked the runway and raised a ton of money for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Entrance was a tax-deductible $300.

Feuding Freaks

Satan knows what kind of demonic ritual was employed, but whatever goat, chicken or human had to be sacrificed, it very clearly worked, as a lawsuit against Nicodemus Hammil has been dropped. The suit filed by the now-defunct Crobar alleged that Hammil, a dark and spooky electro/goth musician, indulged in slander and libel and caused loss of earnings, namely by creating and maintaining the Web site www.crobarnightclub.net.

Hammil has a habit of hyperbolic parodies that while offensive to some are hard to take seriously. He once started a Web site that claimed Ocean Drive columnist and (disclosure) my good friend Humberto Guida was a child molester. Now, I happen to know for a fact that Guida has a perverted predilection toward middle-aged women and not children, but that’s neither here nor there, as that Web site was promptly shutdown after Guida threatened to sue.

Getting back to the subject, Hammil’s site also featured online petitions calling for the demise of Crobar, not to mention allegations of Internet stalking and black magic curses. The feud between the two parties has been going on for years and can be traced back to a night in 1999 at Blue Lounge on Española Way, where Back Door Bamby mastermind Carmel Ophir refused to shake hands with Nicodemus Hammil for fear of catching some bad mojo. It then escalated with Ophir canceling a party Hammil and his concubine Anitra Warren were promoting. In response, Hammil purportedly sent out a letter to various news outlets claiming that Crobar had been overrun and infested with rats and, as such, had closed. That was all years ago and was followed by suit and countersuit, but now it has apparently come to its destined, operatic end. Well, that’s an overstatement; I doubt we have heard the last of these feuding nightlife personalities. Perhaps we should just throw them into a ring WWF style. The winner gets to fight Kevin Federline for the title of Biggest Loser With No Life.

Mynt vs. Mokaï: Round 2

Admittedly, before last Thursday, it had been years since I visited what was once the mecca of all things rich and cool. I’m speaking of course of Mynt Ultra Lounge. I, like everyone else in this town, was under the misguided impression that its heyday had long past, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. That fact was made perfectly evident to me when I stepped past the hordes of people waiting to pay 20 bucks to get into what I can only describe as a serious fire hazard. Ever since partners Nicola Siervo and Rony Seikaly left under less-than-auspicious circumstances, the club has been rumored to be in a downward spiral and has been haunted by the specter and sheer fabulousness of the competition, namely, Mokaï, where Siervo and Seikaly currently hold court. I, however, can admit when I’m wrong, unless of course I’m arguing with a woman. That not being the case here, I recommend hitting Mokaï on Tuesday for the Favela Chic Party and giving a much deserved reprieve to Mynt by checking out their Thursday shindig.

Spotted…

*Damon Wayans at the Delano on Tuesday drinking tequila with some plastic arm candy

*Eve, being driven around by a private chauffer and partying at Cameo and Mokaï on Saturday night

*Justin Long, Jonathan Togo and Scottie Pippen at Set on Saturday

*John Singleton, Pitbull, Daddy Yankee and Don Omar at the Catalina Hotel last Wednesday for the Latin Music Awards VIP soiree

*Sam Rockwell, Jonathan Togo, Justin Long and Nick Paonessa at Bond St having dinner last Tuesday night

Upcoming…

*A Cinco de Mayo party hosted by Grand Marnier and Elle Magazine at the Hotel Victor from 6 to 8 p.m.

*Cristina Aguilera hosting a wrap party at Cameo Saturday.

*Ingrid Casares’ Cinco de Mayo party at Karu and Y’s Tottem Garden

*The GLAAD Media Awards on Thursday, May 10 at the JW Marriott on Brickell Avenue in Miami