Episode 18:
American Character or Caricature?
By Lee Molloy
For our
reality series Make Me the President, we scoured the country to
find the most power-hungry, Machiavellian and downright
unattractive people in the United States of America (“The
Greatest Nation On Earth” ™) to find the man, or woman, who
could raise the most money, be willing to break the most
promises and offer the most bland reason to become — The
President.
This week on
MMTP:
So, Sen.
Barack Obama handily took
North Carolina
while Sen. Hillary Clinton very narrowly did her thing in
Indiana.
In other words, all is right (or is that Wright?) with the
world, and nothing really unexpected went down this week.
Team
Democrats’ two remaining contestants continue to be almost
indistinguishable on the substance of their platforms;
obviously, there are small differences, but they are pretty much
the same. On the other hand, Team Republicans’ presumptive
nominee, Sen. John McCain, is not offering much of an
alternative either; in fact, he’s just more of the same Bush-it
with an interesting biography thrown in for good measure. So,
what is a reality show to do? Well, we at MMTP pride
ourselves on our media savvy and, therefore, have decided to
explore a different angle this week — the movies.
Yes, as the
issues take a back seat and the policies of the left and right
blend into an indistinguishable pot of mediocrity, it seems this
election is going to boil down, yet again, to a variation of
“whom would you prefer to have a beer with?” And, as there is no
way on Earth that we are ever going to really know who these
three presidential wannabes are in real life, we must go with
whom they would have us believe them to be in reel life.
Therefore, for the viewing pleasure of fans and haters alike, we
offer an in-depth view of the remaining contestants from that
bastion of the hard-hitting political right — Hollywood.
As an
interesting aside: Team Republicans and its fans often lambaste
Tinseltown-types as being anti-American, homosexual pinkos.
However, they still love to elect them to office — President
Ronald Reagan, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sen. Fred Thompson —
while Team Democrats tends to court the financial backing of the
Beverly Hills set, but gets precious little in return. Weird.
Anyway, we
couldn’t give a damn about any of that this week. This episode
is all about character — specifically, which of these
Oscar-winning movie characters you would rather have a latte
with.
Gandhi
Gandhi
won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1982. The movie
follows the adventures of the “half-naked fakir” (as Sir Winston
Churchill churlishly christened him) and his quest to bring a
new kind of government to India. Gandhi was a smart guy, a
lawyer who went to school in England and lived in South Africa,
where he first discovered the civil rights movement, before
returning to India to get his career off the ground.
Gandhi
(played in the movie by Ben Kingsley, whose father was born in
Kenya and mother in the UK) made his name trying to bring about
a new kind of politics in India. He refused to take part in
violent protests or actions, instead holding to a doctrine of
nonviolence. He also decided to discard his western clothes and
live his life in the way of a regular Indian. This allowed him
to become a figure who seemed to stay above the fray of colonial
politics, which led to the perception that he was morally
superior and fostered a belief that there could be a more decent
way to do things. Gandhi continued with this path for the
remainder of his life, eventually being hailed as the father of
the largest democracy in the world — India. For his trouble, he
was nominated for, and lost, the Nobel Peace Prize five times
and was assassinated in 1948.
Obama is
channeling Gandhi for MMTP 2008.
Rooster
Cogburn
U.S. Marshal
Reuben J. “Rooster” Cogburn was first played by the late John
“Duke” Wayne in the classic Western movie True Grit. It
was for this film that the Duke won his only Academy Award for
Best Actor, in 1970. Although John Wayne always played the
all-American hero, he showed a rough side and a maverick spirit
in True Grit — not a saint, but rather a man who liked to
drink. Cogburn was a guy that played by his own rules to get the
job done. He had fought in a war and lost an eye in battle,
which helped to make him the kind of bad-tempered, hard-drinking
son-of-a-bitch you can’t help but respect and, in fact, secretly
admire.
McCain was
channeling this incarnation of Rooster Cogburn for MMTP
2000.
In 1975, John
Wayne made his penultimate movie, Rooster Cogburn, the
sequel to True Grit. This was a sad affair, co-starring
fellow over-the-hill star Katharine Hepburn. It was like the
spark had gone from Rooster — old age and ill health had taken
its toll, and he no longer had the grit that had made him such a
great persona in the first movie. He was now just a ridiculous,
cartoon-like version of his former self.
Unfortunately, it is this Rooster Cogburn that McCain is
channeling for MMTP 2008.
Rocky
Rocky
surprisingly won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1977.
Rocky is the classic underdog tale, a story of a fighter who
has seen better days. The character of Rocky is one that
everyone can sympathize with — he’s a regular American who
probably isn’t going to get to the very top.
Rocky trains,
works hard and gives it his best shot. He gets knocked down,
gets up again (he drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka
drink) and keeps on fighting. The message of Rocky is
that there is always hope, even in adversity, so never quit
because there is more than one type of victory.
It is Rocky
that
Clinton has been channeling for MMTP 2008.
It is so hard
think about saying goodbye to Hillary Clinton. She is such a
valiant political warrior. Her campaign has tested the mettle of
every Team Democrats contestant and has taken Obama to school on
duking it out for the highest of stakes. She took on Bill
O’Reilly to devastating effect when she had a Bill of her own to
worry about. And no matter what the haters may think, Clinton is
a team player, and if she loses this nomination, she will unite
Team Democrats behind Obama. She may want a really good job out
of it though — Secretary of State perhaps?
But, don’t
count your chickens just yet, Obamamaniacs.
Tune in next
week as we get one reel closer to finding out which in-flight
movie — Gandhi, Rooster Cogburn or Rocky — will be
showing aboard Air Force One.
Hail to the
Chief!
