Now, that’s a squad car. Photo by Robin Shear.

Murmurs has been a little cranky from lack of sleep over Memorial Day weekend. No, it wasn’t the sirens wailing all night long or the constant cacophony of party-goers parading through residential neighborhoods.

It was worry. Murmurs spent all night agonizing about breaking water restrictions to hose off the apartment steps, pavement and back gate, which all got covered in urine from several drunken Memorial Day revelers. This happens every year on South Beach. Residents crawl out of their foxholes to rinse the golden flow of joy off their properties, but this year is a little different. The South Florida Water Management District folks say we can’t hose off pavement at all unless we have low-volume pressure-cleaning equipment. Murmurs doesn’t even know what that technically means, but assumes a garden hose isn’t covered and so is being forced to let the urine slowly evaporate. Ya know, since ACLU observers were in town making sure the police didn’t go overboard on arrests and citations, maybe Murmurs should have gotten them to distract the SFWMD for a few minutes.

Black-and-Whites Return

What with Murmurs’ sleeping patterns more out of whack than usual, a decision was made late Sunday evening/early Monday morning to head into the office with the intention of doing a little “work.” Instead, much time was spent watching shows like Saul of the Mole Men on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and reading what so-called Wikipedians wrote about the Mexican-American War on the Internet, before leaving SunPost headquarters at 1688 Meridian Ave. at, oh, 5:30 a.m. sufficiently exhausted to even ignore urine stains and barely notice several Miami Beach squad cars hurtling toward Lincoln Road. A few hours later, Murmurs was awoken by a concerned call from an editor fearing Murmurs had been one of the two people shot to death near David’s Café II. After sufficiently proving to be among the living, relatively speaking, Murmurs fell back to sleep.

Murmurs did finally make it to the office around noon, but found it difficult to get access to the building owing to the yellow crime scene tape stretched across just about every street in the vicinity. For added effect, a half-dozen or so police cars and crime scene vans were parked right in the middle of Meridian Avenue. At the perimeter were the primary-colored red, white and blue cars Murmurs has known over the years. In the middle were the black-and-whites now popping up all over Miami Beach.

Indeed, black-and-white is so in at the Miami Beach Police Department that soon the old red, white and blue cars will be history. Why? Because black-and-white is hip. Or, as City Manager Jorge Gonzalez explained in a May 14 memo, the city wanted “a more traditional, but trendy, black and white design.”

“This new design change balances an appearance which is considered both professional and progressive,” Gonzalez continued. “In making this change, it is also of significance to point out that the font being used for the new graphics is a future font, which mirrors the city’s current logo.”

Awww, what’s the matter? You gonna miss the old red-white-and-blues? Well, tough. Black-and-white cars are more identifiable and police departments throughout the United States (and South Florida) are adopting them, including Surfside, Opa-locka, Hollywood and Davie. Besides, the cops like it. “It should be noted that the Fraternal Order of Police and its membership have overwhelmingly endorsed this change and view it as having a positive impact on morale within the department.” Black-and-whites are also a deterrent against crime, Gonzalez wrote. Translation: They’re badass.

Those with any doubt about the MBPD’s love for black-and-whites should have been on Meridian Avenue Monday afternoon when the local television press cornered Det. Bobby Hernandez, spokesperson for the MBPD, who led them to a new black-and-white and used it as a backdrop to discuss the latest details about the day’s murders. “See you at the next tragedy,” one of the reporters was overheard saying.

Grovite vs. Grovite

Not distracted by Miami Beach’s Memorial Day concerns, Coconut Grove leaders were content to spend their time doing what they do best: debating about development. In this case, Bay Heights Home Improvement President Murray Marcus got himself involved in an e-mail exchange with District 2 Commissioner Marc Sarnoff over the rezoning of Mercy Hospital’s land for high-rise development.

Making the first move was Marcus, who, in a May 24 letter to the media, basically said that Sarnoff and other opponents of Grove Bay should chill. “… I have been completely taken aback by the level of acrimony and politicking regarding the Grove Bay development on the land Mercy Hospital sold to the Related Group,” Marcus wrote. “Our association and the developer arrived at a fair compromise, and while we would prefer nothing be built on that land, we need to be realistic, and make sure that what is developed is in everyone’s best interest.”

Marcus then goes on to complain that Sarnoff “has not been fair to Bay Heights and Natoma Manors” regarding their willingness to work with Related Group for a compromise. “In his [Sarnoff’s] last flier he states that ‘the testimony from the uncompensated neighbors shows overwhelming concern over the negative impact on already congested streets in the immediate neighborhood.’ I wish to remind Commissioner Sarnoff that the immediate neighborhood is our neighborhood.” Marcus goes on to state that the current zoning of GI (government institution) is far worse than the rezoned R4 (residential four, we think) and what was originally proposed by Related Group, which “called for 1,000 condos, a medical office building with a parking garage, an emergency room, and no limits to curb future expansion by Mercy Hospital.” The compromise, offered in 2006, had just 300 condo units, a bay walk and a 10-year moratorium “on building on the remaining Mercy Hospital Property, LaSalle School and church properties included. We felt that this development would have far less of a negative impact on our neighborhoods and we would have less traffic problems.

“Commissioner Sarnoff, this is about traffic, not about money,” Marcus concluded. “Please, let’s work with the developer rather than try to stop this project. We all know something is going to be built on that land. Let’s make sure we don’t have another Home Depot scenario where the Grove again loses out because of a lack of spirit of compromise.”

Sarnoff responded on May 27 with a mass e-mail of his own, featuring a photo of Marcus in one of the dreaded golden shirts that mostly paid Grove Bay window-dressing supporters wore when the Miami City Commission made its decision. “Courage and the willingness to take the fight to very end are lost attributes that are being resurrected in South Florida. There will be winners and there can be losers, but what is lost in the compromise can be worse: integrity,” Sarnoff wrote. “Courage is the glue that keeps all of us together. We should learn to lean on each other in the Grove…. It is easy to settle and compromise. No developer comes in asking for what he expects to inevitably build, he knows to ask for a third more than he wants or needs because he will look for compromise, appearing to garner community support and look as if he is Solomon. Look around. We have compromised enough. Our city looks like a compromise….”

Sarnoff went on to say that he has heard from many members of the Bay Heights Homeowners Association complaining “that there was a representation that a prison could be built next to Mercy.” Sarnoff then quoted from an anonymous e-mail sent to Mayor Manny Diaz and himself regarding a Bay Heights HOA meeting directed by Marcus and “sponsored by the Grove Bay people.”

“In this meeting they asked everyone to sign a petition to approve this project, telling everybody that if it is not approved, among other structures, they could build a jail (what a form of intimidation). In the same meeting we were informed that Bay Heights will receive X amount of money. The X is because they could not disclose the amount to us because there are more neighborhoods that they did not want to pay. I don't know if it is right or wrong, but I feel bad being part of cheating my neighbors, so I didn't sign.”

Sarnoff goes on to write: “… As you will recall, avoiding the requirement of disclosure the Related attorney (separate counsel from Greenberg Traurig) advised the commission that the obligation to pay the monetary settlement was released so as to avoid the need for disclosure. This project will affect all of us in the Grove, and most importantly those living alongside the project on the southeast side of Bayshore Drive. This project is the camel’s nose in the tent. The ten-year building moratorium will pass in the blink of an eye. If the project is built it is conceivable it will take the ten years [to build]….”

That is, if the camel’s nose is ever built. Sarnoff stated his real “concern” was that Grove Bay is never built “but we will be left with a sizeable R4 designated property in the Grove.”

Why is that scary? That answer is obvious for anyone who has ever borne witness to a Coconut Grove Village Council Meeting when every zoning change is vetted out for hours. The fear is a domino effect where one property owner wins a zoning increase from the Miami City Commission due to one perceived “hardship” or another, making it that much easier for a neighboring property owner to also receive a zoning increase. And so on and so on — until the unique character current Grove residents celebrate is, well, not so unique.

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