Charlie Crist

Comic book color aside, there was nothing funny about these men, or their mission. Governors from two of America’s biggest states, and two scions of American royalty, each already well-versed in vanquishing the most formidable of foe — be they in the legislature, on the big screen, in the water or in the boardroom — in town to save no less than the whole wide world. They came, they spoke, they converted. And for a couple of dog days of July, heat meant more than mere weather.

We speak of course of the foursome assembled to spearhead Serve to Preserve, last week’s Intercontinental-held Florida Summit on Global Climate Change — Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Theodore Roosevelt IV and their fearless host, Charlie Crist.

Like the superhero team created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, these Fantastic Four gained their superpowers after being exposed to some very cosmic rays. In this case, though, the rays weren’t caught out in space, but right here on Earth, after humankind thinned the ozone into nothing but a scrim.

Take Florida Governor Crist. Gone is the Chain Gang Charlie of yore, whose law and order lasso got him appointed Honorary Sheriff by the Florida Sheriff’s Association; in his place rides Charlie Do Good, the Four’s Mr. Fantastic. Like the Reed Richards of the classic comic, he’s a modest leader, yet capable of stretching his body politic into incredible new shapes.

Unlike his two-dimensional prototype, however, Charlie doesn’t need scientific genius — he surrounds himself with it! He’s forever armed with data from enough experts to make his case without getting weighed down in too much minutiae. That’s not to say our Charlie doesn’t know his stuff — he does! It’s just that he knows his place is at the head of the table, not behind some cotton-picking microscope.

In other words, he’s the perfect man to rally the troops — and the people.

Among those troops there was Arnold, who flew in from far out west to fight by Mr. Fantastic’s side. The Four’s version of The Thing, the Governator’s got superhuman strength and endurance. At 20 he was Mr. Universe, at 23 Mr. Olympia, but his native kinsmen prefer the more affectionate term: the Austrian Oak. Makes sense, ’cause this strong man’s out to save the trees, one forest at a time.  

Cousin-in-law to the Governator is Bobby Jr., the gang’s Human Torch. All about fire, his heart burns with inherited ignition. Even his Air America radio show heralds his heat. He gets elemental balance by being both lead legal eagle for Riverkeeper and top gun at Waterkeeper Alliance, but all the wet in the wild world can’t keep one of Time’s “Heroes of the Planet” from smiting those diabolical overheaters.

Fourth but hardly least is Teddy IV. TR’s banker/environmentalist bona fides may make him the unlikeliest of superheroes, but this ex-Navy SEAL can get slippery when cornered. His tricks: charm, loquacity, learning and an ability to render himself invisible at will. Better still, the Lehman Brothers man’s legacy has left him blessed with the capacity to project powerful force fields, something that comes in mighty handy when confronting interests who would reject his great-grandfather’s great good works.

Backing the Four’s major play are Terry Tamminen of the New America Foundation, the very man who first got ahold of both governors’ ears; the ever venturesome Vinod Khosla, a can-do cat who knows capital makes for improvement; Special Rep. John Ashton, who’s got a direct link to the British Foreign Secretary; and Minister Matthias Machnig, state secretary at the German Environment Ministry for the Environment, Nature Conservation and Nuclear Safety.

But all the wattage in the solar system wouldn’t mean a thing without some credible zing, and the Climate Change Summit was convened to do just that.

From the get, Mr. Fantastic sounded the alarm with stats and forecasts: 57 of 67 Florida counties were at one time on fire over the last six months; oceans are set to rise five inches during the next 25 years, 20 inches by 2100 (there goes the Beach). He called for proaction: ethanol and biofuels, wind and sun power; and, yes, he showed he’s willing to lead by example: ergo his day-to-day vehicle that runs on 85 percent ethanol, and solar panels in the governor's mansion.

Mostly though, the former Wake Forest Demon Deacon did his diplomatic best to undivide some very disparate interests: “Like a good offensive line pushing down the field, eventually you knock down the door and you build consensus.”

Charlie Do Good’s intro might’ve been a clean knock-down, but Bobby Jr. came prepped for a dirty drag-out fight. Echoing the sentiments expressed in a recent Rolling Stone, he hit the blue suits’ bankbooks, citing the $3 billion Dupont slashed from its energy bills since 1990, as well as the behemoth’s one-third production increase over the same period; and how Wal-Mart, of all corporations, saved $12 million a year by installing energy-efficient light bulbs in its refrigeration units, and $70K per store after installing solar panels. He hit ’em with common sense (“We won’t have an economy if we destroy our environment”); he hit ’em with realpolitik (energy independence is a matter of “national security”); and, lest anyone leave believing his brimstoning be bound to the Left, he hit ’em with one very simple truth: “There is nothing radical about clean air and clean water for our kids.”

Then the Torch hit ’em all where it really hurts, in the ol’ Red, White and Blue, with a tale of an aspired-to America that softened even the hardest of hearts — the story of a father, a son and a nation, once “the most beloved” in history, now having lost its way:

My father used to say that our country was the first country in history that was established on the basis of an idea, and the people who are making decisions today are people who don’t understand that idea.

And with that RFK Jr. gave us all the more reason to rally ’round the flag, and the cause, as well as this New Fantastic Four, who not only understand the idea, but combine to make for one helluva blockbuster. Will we be around for the sequel? Who knows? But with these four modern horsemen heaven-bent on preventing an apocalypse, we’ll sure ride trying.

Comments? E-mail letters@miamisunpost.com. Hood is online at therealjohnhood.com.

Executive Orders On July 12 and 13, Florida Gov. Charlie Crist hosted a convention titled “Serve to Preserve” at Miami’s Intercontinental Hotel that featured speeches from Robert Kennedy Jr., California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and a host of environmental experts. More than 600 people, including 100-plus members of the press, attended. In his opening remarks, Crist said, “I know there are some who still debate global climate change. While debate is healthy, we must acknowledge that there is a strong body of scientific evidence indicating that global climate change is real. Here in Florida we plan to reduce greenhouse gasses and increase our energy efficiency. Florida will pursue renewable solar energy sources — after all, we are the Sunshine State — as well as wind and alternative energy such as ethanol and hydrogen.” On the final day of the climate conference, Crist signed into effect three executive orders to kick off this initiative: *Executive Order 07-126: Immediate action to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from the Florida government itself. Provisions include assessments of how much energy is used by all state of Florida agencies and quantification of the associated greenhouse gas emissions that result from this energy use. The result is to be posted in Florida’s Governmental Carbon Scorecard no later than Oct. 1 and updated quarterly. All new buildings will be built to green building standards, existing buildings will be brought up to the United States Green Building Council’s Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design for Existing Buildings, and all future leases for office space must be in green buildings unless no such viable building exists. State vehicles must be checked to assure they are maintained to reduce fuel consumption. New trucks and cars must have the greatest fuel economy for each class. Departments and state agencies must also buy ethanol and biodiesel fuels where they are available. *Executive Order 07-127: Requires the state to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 2017 to the levels that existed in 2000, and to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 80 percent of the 1990 level by 2025. This reduction will affect utilities. Florida’s reduction requirements will be similar to those enacted by California on Jan. 1, 2005. The Secretary of Community Affairs will convene the Florida Building Commission to revise the Florida Energy Code for Building Construction. Utilities will be required to purchase at least 20 percent of their electricity from renewable sources with a strong focus on solar and wind technologies. *Executive Order 07-128: Creates a Florida Governor’s Action Team on Energy and Climate Change with the goal of achieving or surpassing the executive order targets for specified statewide greenhouse reductions. Visit myfloridaclimate.com. — Leonard Wien