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Jessica Simpson's new swim line |
Let’s face it, not all of us look good in
a bathing suit. As such, unlucky, cellulite-ridden people who
are considerate enough not to force the rest of us to look at
them in a bikini end up missing a lot of the fun. Sad, tragic
even, but at least there are people like me to keep the fatties
in the loop on all the happenings their self-conscious attitudes
demand they miss out on. For that reason, I stuffed a pair of my
largest socks down my bathing suit and went out and compiled the
CliffsNotes version of all that was good and looked good during
the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Miami Swim. Oh yeah, and to all
those people with PHDs (player-hating degrees) who claim I write
too much about my own personal experiences and not enough about
celebrities: Take this and shove it!
Papa
Paciello
The
former king of South Beach, Chris Paciello, is reportedly going
to be a daddy, according to celebrity stalkers Rush & Malloy.
Victoria’s Secret model Erin Naas
is apparently the mother and
is still mulling over a marriage proposal. Paciello has been
hanging out with a bevy of Hollywood types, including
Brett Ratner, Kevin Connolly,
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and even Madonna,
with whom
he was once romantically
linked. Mark Wahlberg is said to have turned
down $10 million to play Paciello in an upcoming feature film.
Spotted:
Swim Week Edition
*At the
Sagamore Hotel for Ocean Drive magazine’s photo
exhibition I’ll Be Watching You: Inside THE POLICE: 1980-1983,
guitarist Andy Summers and drummer Stewart Copeland, drinking
and schmoozing with Glenn Albin and Jerry Powers, the glossy’s
editor and publisher, respectively.
*Dennis
Rodman reportedly plans to make Miami his latest crash pad and
supposedly put in offers on two North Bay Road homes. Meanwhile,
the superfreak crashed the runway with drag queen Elaine
Lancaster, where they worked a few sexy-time poses for the
cameras and then continued on to their private table on Saturday
night. Later, Rodman was seen making a scene and posing for his
homies at Cameo.
*Tyson
Beckford getting his groove on at the Redroom at the Shore Club
on Thursday. Also there was CSI: Miami’s Adam Rodriguez
and Burn Notice’s Jeffrey Donovan.
*Sting,
wife Trudie Styler and another couple at the Delano’s Blue Door
on Thursday night. Friday night Sting and Styler stopped by the
Charity: Water event at the Shore Club after dining at Nobu.
*Last
Wednesday at The
Forge, Kim Kardashian,
who arrived with a party of four of her peeps,
reportedly insisting that they be seated at a table despite the
place being completely sold out. After a bit of a tantrum,
Princess Kimmy stepped outside to pout. Her party, on the other
hand, was soon given a table that originally had been reserved
for Sting. After the
ugliness, the group was coddled
by restaurant owner and all-around badass Shareef Malnik. Scott
Storch and Dontrelle Willis were also kickin’ it at The Forge
last Wednesday night. Kardashian was also at Mansion last
Thursday night where she hosted the fun till the wee hours.
*Scott
Storch, yet again, partying at Snatch on Monday night.
*Brandon
“Greasy Bear” Davis with his latest flame, Australian model
Cheyenne Tozzi, on Friday at Mokaï with Kardashian, her sister
and Scott Storch. “Greasy Bear” was also at Set on Thursday
night.
*Saturday night, Jessica Simpson, celebrating the launch of her
swim line at the Shore Club. Father Joe Simpson barely
spoke most of the night while her mother, Tina Simpson, posed
with Jessica on the red carpet and danced inside.
*Soprano daughter
Jamie-Lynn Sigler and boyfriend Scott Sartiano
getting cozy in a corner booth at the Genetic Denim party
at Mokaï on Saturday night. Sigler was in town to support
her man’s denim line. The couple briefly chatted with one of the
owners, Linley Edwards.
*Rapper T.I., poolside
at the Shore Club on Saturday. T.I., who graces the cover
of the August issue of Vibe Magazine, was photographed by
Naomi Watts’ brother, Ben Watts. The 10-page
spread was shot entirely at the Shore Club penthouse and beach
bungalow.
*Alonzo
Mourning and friends celebrating the conclusion of the 2007 Zo’s
Summer Groove at The Forge’s Soul Kitchen Sunday dinner
party. In attendance were the Groove man
himself, Alonzo, and Tracy Mourning, publisher Jerry Powers of
Ocean Drive, boxing superstar Floyd Mayweather and Dwyane
Wade. Carlos Boozer, Kenyon Martin, Tim Hardaway, Sam Cassell,
Dwight Freeney, Ray Lewis and Steven Francis
were also there, along with Warren Sapp. At one point in the
evening, Mayweather stepped outside with a bodyguard who grabbed
a large black leather bag out of their car. When they returned
to the VIP area, the bodyguard cleared the table so he could
empty the bag’s seemingly endless contents of diamond jewelry
onto it. Mayweather was soon transformed into Mr. Bling.
*Staying, partying and doing God knows what else at the Catalina
Hotel this week was the ubiquitous Kim Kardashian, hanging out
with (you guessed it) Scott Storch, alone in Kardashian’s room.
Diana Ross’ daughter Chudney Ross and America’s Next Top
Model winner Jaslene, along with Marla Boehr and Omahyra,
also stayed at the Catalina.
*Heidi
Montag and
Spencer Pratt, from MTV’s reality show The
Hills, checking in to
the Hotel Victor Thursday and staying during
Swim Week.
*Michelle Rodriguez and model Omahyra
celebrating Rodriguez’s 29th birthday Friday night at Mansion,
where Rodriguez threw down a wicked hip-hop set and hung out
with none other than Brandon Davis and his
girlfriend, Cheyenne Tozzi.
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