Common gives a free concert at Chakra. Photo by Mary Jo Almeida-Shore

Any person in this illustrious position of nightlife guru is often faced with the very real dilemma posed by the 4 a.m. phone call. In my particular distinguished craft, the problem is exacerbated by the possibility the person on the other end of that line could be calling to tell me that Scary Spice was at Cameo downing champagne and endangering Eddie Murphy’s baby. That is, of course, if the baby is really his. I mean, who has any faith in those stupid DNA tests, anyway? That, however, is beside the point, which is that despite the fact it’s most likely just a drunken idiot who wants to know if you want to be a drunken idiot with him, you have to answer the goddamn phone. He’ll probably just want to meet up at some neutral location where the music is loud and there ain’t no gay shit going on. You know, just in case they get too drunk and things go a little too far. The last time The 411 had to deal with the challenge of hearing his Notorious B.I.G. ringer go off in his ear at maximum volume was Sunday, or rather early Monday morning. Ironically, the ringer echoed my very thoughts as I heard Biggie Smalls rap, “Who the fuck is this?/Paging me at 5:46/in the morning/crack of dawn/’n I’m yawning/Get up, wipe the cold out my eye/to see who’s this paging me and why.”

On the other line was, as I suspected, a drunken idiot who was using every expletive in the book, and some he was making up, to describe his experience at Set. After realizing he should have perhaps written a Letter to the Editor instead of depriving this information operator of his beauty sleep, he did just that. Well, actually he sent me a text message. He was very adamant about getting this printed and I have to say, I’m happy to oblige. The following text (provided here unaltered, unlike its sender) was sent to my cell phone at 5:31 a.m. from, well, a drunken idiot: “Holy shit. At Set. Worst service ever. Dude u have to trash these people. Plz, the people that wrk there are horrible as garbage men class retards. Never in my lif” —

The rant cuts off and a few seconds later the phone comes to life yet again.

“… have I been treated as such. Absolutly ridiculous … Eat shit die slow mofo, s..., U can quote. Me. Peace.” The transmission ends and I can’t help but wonder if this happens to Lesley Abravanel too.

 

Back Door Boy

Ricky Martin was like a little kid on Christmas when the Latin-pop sensation quietly came in through the back entrance of Mansion’s three-year anniversary party. Livin’ la vida loca, Martin shook his bon-bon all the way to the DJ booth, where superstar DJ Tiësto, who recently bought a house on Star Island, was manning the decks. A giddy Martin shook hands and exchanged some words of support with Tiësto. The two then posed for a few pictures alongside Michael Capponi, who sported his favorite DJ headphones. Ay, que lindo.

 

Marsellus Wallace’s Dogs Are Bad Mutha —

Ving Rhames was off filming a movie in Belgium when he got the news that a caretaker for his house and pets had been found mauled to death in the actor’s California home. Three bull mastiffs and an English bulldog were seized by animal services, police said. At least two of those dogs are responsible for the death of the 40-year-old victim, whose name has not been released.

 

Spotted

*Erykah Badu rockin’ her Afro puffs on Saturday night (actually Sunday morning after 3 a.m., according to sources) when she followed rapper Common for a short and semi-private (yet free for those who waited it out) concert at Chakra Lounge.

*Scary Spice, aka Mel B, and her new boyfriend, Stephen Belafonte, did the Nicola Siervo shuffle and had dinner at Quattro, then really did stop by Mokaď after a brief visit at Cameo. The former Spice Girl was also seen sunning herself on the beach and drinking champagne.

*The Olly Girls (Holly and Molly, duh) from the reality TV show Sunset Tan showing off their sexy assets at the Empire Events party at Mansion on Friday

*The Carver, aka Dr John Diaz, from E! Network’s reality TV show Dr. 90210 acting as the guest of honor at Gerry Kelly’s The Fifth on Saturday night. A few lucky guests were treated to gift bags filled with creams and beauty products, not to mention coupons for future work.

*Filmmaker Leon Ichaso (El Cantante) and Steven Bauer lounging at the El Cantante release party last Thursday at Gemma.

 

Upcoming

*The Rush Hour 3 premiere was scheduled for last night at the Regal South Beach Cinema and promised celebrity guests like Hulk Hogan, Shaquille O’Neal and Serena Williams. There was also to be an ultra-exclusive dinner following the movie at The Forge, where there were no doubt even more VIPs, and we wouldn’t be surprised if local boy Brett Ratner made the rounds to promote his new movie. I’ve got some questions for Ratner. Tune in next week.

*Beach old-schoolers will love to know that the original Groovejet crew, including DJs Dave Seaman, Luis Diaz and the irrepressible Jon Cowan, are set to commemorate 10 years of Bliss parties. Taking place at Shine (at the Shelbourne Hotel) on Friday, Aug. 31, from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m., the Groovejet reunion will be a night of progressive house and classic electro.

Send news items to the411@miamisunpost.com.

 

DJ Khaled: ‘Keeping it Real’ DJ Khaled DJ Khaled, the Terror Squad member and Koch Records recording artist, has spent more than half of his life DJing — formerly on the underground station Mixx 96 and now as a host of the WEDR 99 Jamz popular segment The Takeover, alongside K Foxx. With appearances on BET’s Rap City: The Basement and 106 & Park, the Miami-based DJ/producer is doing big things with his sophomore album, We the Best. While on the set of his new video for his latest single, “I’m So Hood,” featuring artists T-Pain, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross and Plies, DJ Khaled answered a few questions about his new album. I noticed you have Bun B, Young Jeezy, Juelz Santana, Trick Daddy and many others on this album. How did you manage to bring all of these artists together? Real just recognizes real, and I know a lot of them through my career. We’ve become friends in this business of hip-hop and we just got love for each other. I represent that love and I make great music, so we all came together and put it down. What is your favorite track(s) on this album? “We Takin’ Over,” “I’m So Hood” and “Brown Paper Bag.” Why “Brown Paper Bag”? It just represents the struggle, you know, and we just gotta give thanks to God for giving us money to eat our food. What makes this album different from your last album, Listennn …The Album? It’s a bigger record. Big, big, big, record. Some more artists on there like T-Pain, and Akon on the chorus of “We Takin’ Over.” It’s just big, you know. On the last album you produced three tracks and on this one you only produced two. Why is that? I could’ve produced more; it’s just that the other producers were coming with records I was looking for. I like to work with different producers like The Runners, Cool and Dre, Danja and Steve Morales. You’ve reached a status many local DJs do not achieve. How are you going to maintain longevity and innovativeness in this industry? Just keeping it real and continue giving thanks to God every day. — Aja Dorsainvil