| Make Me the
President |
August
28, 08 |
Episode 34: A Confusing Choice
By Lee Molloy
For our
reality series Make Me The President, we scoured the country to
find the most power-hungry, Machiavellian and downright
unattractive people in the United States of America (“The
Greatest Nation On Earth” ™) to find the man, or woman, who
could raise the most money, be willing to break the most
promises and offer the most bland reason to become — The
President.
This week on
MMTP:
Fans who were
waiting with bated breath for the text message from Sen. Barack
Obama announcing his running mate must have been pretty
disappointed to discover that those of us who get texts from CNN
(via twitter.com) had the information an hour sooner. This
showed, once again, that hardcore Obama fans are somewhat behind
the curve.
So, to prove
he is on the cutting edge of politics and truly believes
Washington is broken, he picks a dude who has been part of that
same system for 35 years, Sen. Joe “Attack Dog” Biden. Down,
boy.
For almost
any other Team Democrats champ, Biden would be an interesting
choice for veep. However, for Obama, going against his own
mantra of change and picking such an established politician may
turn out to be a major error in judgment. Let’s take a look at
what Biden offers to, and takes away from, the Obama campaign.
When Biden
first took office on Jan. 3, 1973, he was a bright light shining
on Team Democrats’ future. Barely legal (for the Senate), he was
only six weeks past his 30th birthday when he became the
sixth-youngest senator in U.S. history. And in 1974, he was
named one of Time magazine’s “200 Faces for the
Future.”
Since then,
Biden has been an important player in Congress: once chairing
the Senate Judiciary Committee, and currently chairing the
Foreign Relations Committee. It is, of course, the latter that
has given him the experience and gravitas necessary to plug that
gaping hole in Obama’s already leaky résumé. However, this is
not all good news for Obama. By bringing Biden aboard, Obama has
shone a spotlight on his own lack of experience at a time when
the Russian bear is growling again and Iraq is still a major
factor in U.S. foreign policy. McCain already has the
reputation, even if it is relatively unfounded, of being an
expert in foreign policy; if he also picks someone with
impressive foreign policy credentials as a running mate, Obama
will look like the least qualified guy in the race. And, it is
one thing to seem fresh, but quite another to appear green.
Perhaps, as Sen. John Kerry supposedly did in MMTP
’04, Obama would have been better off considering Biden for
secretary of state. Oh well, too late.
According to
the Associated Press, Biden’s net worth is less than $370,000,
making him one of the poorest senators in office and helping him
at least to seem more like regular folk than his oft-called
elitist boss. Obama has had an incredibly hard time reaching out
to white, working-class Americans, and the McCain campaign has
been playing that up by promoting Obama’s celebrity status.
Perhaps Biden’s populist touch will help to bridge that gap,
although he is still relatively unknown outside his home state
of Delaware and his birth state of Pennsylvania. Both states
have gone Team Democrats in the previous four MMTP
seasons anyway, so it is hard to imagine Biden having that much
of an impact.
At least
Biden is a campaign badass with a tough demeanor and an acerbic
wit.
At the Oct. 30, 2007, debate in Philadelphia, he said of
then-Team Republicans front-runner Mayor Rudy “Politics’ War
Profiteer” Giuliani, “There’s only three things he mentions in a
sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11.” Nice one, Joe.
However, his mouth is going to get him (and his new boss) in a
lot of trouble, and we can expect attack ads featuring at least
one of the following Biden gaffes.
On Jan. 31,
he said: “You
got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and
bright and clean and a nice-looking guy; I mean, that’s a
storybook, man.” Many an old-school, black political type is
still pissed about that one. Then there was this gem from July
2006: “In Delaware, the largest growth in population is
Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven
or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m
not joking.” He later said he “meant it as a compliment.” The
mind boggles.
Biden also
has the reputation of being somewhat economical with the truth.
During his first run as an MMTP contestant in the ’87
season, C-SPAN recorded him telling a New Hampshire
resident who questioned his law school record that he had
graduated in the “top half” of his class. He then angrily
vented: “I think I have a much higher IQ than you do.” Well,
even if he did have a higher IQ, Biden graduated 76th out of a
class of 85 from the Syracuse College of Law, which means either
that he was lying about being in the top half, or he is really,
really bad at math. No wonder he’s such good friends with Sen.
John McCain.
Furthermore,
it appears that not everything Biden says is in his own words.
It was widely reported that, in law school, he plagiarized large
chunks from a law review article. Additionally, part of his
stump speech during MMTP ’88 was heavily plagiarized from
a speech by the then-leader of the British Labour Party, Neil
Kinnock.
Obama has
said “words matter,” so isn’t it somewhat surprising that he
would choose a running mate who passes off other people’s words
as his own?
The strangest
thing about Obama picking Biden has to be the latter’s
relationship with John McCain. During the last season of MMTP,
Biden was a highly vocal advocate for Team Democrats Champ John
Kerry to pick McCain as his running mate. Among other glowing
endorsements, Biden said on Meet the Press, “I think John
McCain would be a great candidate for vice president.” Even
better, Biden has described McCain as his “personal hero.”
So, coming
soon to a television screen near you: McCain campaign ads with
an endorsement from Joe Biden.
Tune in next
week to see who gets to call Air Force Two his own if John
McCain is flying Air Force One.
Hail to the
Chief!