The 411

August 28, 08

The On Season

By Kris Conesa

Euro Trashed

Did someone not get the memo? This is summer, people. We’re supposed to be able to stroll past barren velvet ropes and ambivalent door monkeys with the greatest of ease. Once inside, we should be able to shake our moneymakers with enough room that the constant threat of some snowbird two-stepping right into our drinks is virtually nonexistent. The only lines in the bathroom should be white ones and there should be plenty of room for gratuitous summer hookups in the stalls — with enough space to cuddle afterward, of course.

Instead, I find myself packed in a sea of sardines trapped in the metaphorical can, my shiny white kicks a very feminine shade of pink and reeking of vodka/cranberry.

They say if it’s too loud, you’re too old, and I found myself wondering if the same was true of feeling too crowded in the VIP room. I mean, is it me, or could it possibly be that there are even more people partying during the so-called off-season than there were during the season? Again, I must repeat, WTF!?

“It’s the economy. The dollar is so weak against the euro that you have all these Europeans coming into town and capitalizing on the exchange rate, said Biz Martinez, one of the masterminds behind the hugely successful Sunday night party at Set, Sundance. 

On a recent Sunday I joined Biz behind the DJ Booth and watched as Stephan Luke manned the decks pumping out track after track of sexy house music to a massive crowd.

The place was jam-packed and, as if on cue, a large group of Italians pushed through the crowd and made their way to a table for bottle service.

At Mokaï, where Tuesday nights used to be just crowded enough to have a great time, the velvet ropes now seem perpetually packed with scenester hopefuls vying against wads of euros to get into an already hemorrhaging club. And that’s on a Tuesday.

Unless you’re a sexy lady dancing on a speaker, you can forget about having enough room to shake a leg, let alone any other part of your body.

Just down the street at Aero Lounge, a deceptively larger open space, the same is still true. Thursday nights in particular are quite the rage.

It seems everywhere you go, from the big spaces to the tiny ones (like Amir Ben-Zion’s Buck 15 above Miss Yip’s), every place is swamped with business. Pull up on any given Friday to check out Ryan Evan’s rock gospel at Buck 15, and you just might find yourself in a line that goes around the block.

It’s not that they’re being pretentious at the door or selective or anything like that. It’s just that there is, literally, no more room: As one person exits another is allowed in.

“It’s crazy. We’re up 12 percent this quarter,” said Lance Tinkler, who, along with partner Lee Lyon, owns B.E.D. Miami on Washington Avenue. “Yeah, things are going great. We’re opening B.E.D Cancun in November at the ME By Meliá,” Tinkler added.

Damon Baby

I’m secure enough in my sexuality that I can admit to having a little man crush on Matt Damon. As such, I tried my best to emulate his character’s black ops methods when the actor’s wife, Luciana, gave birth last week at Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood.

Can you blame a gossip guy who knows how much a picture of little baby Gia Zavala Damon is worth? Alas, it was to no avail. That place was locked up tighter than the safe containing Jason Bourne’s real identity.

Nonetheless, our congratulations go out to the happy family, and our hearts go out to Damon, who now finds himself outnumbered 3–1 in the household’s female-to-male ratio.  Bet you can’t wait for those teenage years, huh daddy?

Spotted

Mischa Barton at the Shore Club on Saturday.

Brooke Hogan at the spa of the Shore Club last Thursday, and with her dad, Hulk Hogan, at the Hotel Victor on Saturday.

Robin Thicke chilling with Sebastian Puga at Mokaï on Tuesday, Aug. 12. (He made an appearance earlier in the night with Alonzo and Tracy Mourning at the Florida Room.)

David Copperfield walking around Jungle Island on Sunday.

Alex Rodriguez and Madonna’s gal pal Ingrid Casares having dinner at Ruth’s Chris a couple of weeks ago. Rodriguez later showed up at Bougainvillea’s with some blond.

Upcoming

NCAA champion Alex Vanderkaay and Olympic swimmer and medal winner Peter Vanderkaay host Red, White and Gold at B.E.D. on Saturday at 8 p.m.

This weekend make your way up to Club Cinema in Pompano Beach, where Johnny Depp will join the Second Annual Sheila Witkin Memorial Reunion Concert. Should be, uh, interesting.