Kid Rocks Lee’s Clock

I would totally become a redneck if anyone would let me. It seems like fun — you get to smoke, drink, have a beer belly and make a fool out of yourself in public. Not to mention that you get to bitch-slap Tommy Lee whenever you want. That has to be a plus in anybody’s book; at least it was for Kid Rock, or as Lee calls him, “Kid Pebble.” The two got into some beef that ended with Lee getting smacked, thrown out of the MTV Video Music Awards and charged with assault. On his blog, Lee dismisses the charges as just “paperwork.” If I were him, though, I’d watch my mouth. God knows what these activist judges are doing these days with celebrities. Hello? Haven’t you ever heard of Paris Hilton? Lindsay Lohan? Oh, wait — I see his point, now.

 

Dumb Blonde Moments

So, if you were wondering exactly what could have led to such a horrendous display of lethargic apathy, well, join the club. Cool people don’t watch MTV unless they’re going to be on it or a dumb blonde makes them do it. The Video Music Awards, however, might be an exception since Miami loves to host them. This year, though, it doesn’t matter. Everyone watched them. I mean, who doesn’t love to see the mighty fall from grace? And, in the time leading to the Britney Spears fiasco, it was pretty obvious the chick was going to make one hell of a spectacle. It’s safe to say the whole world watched and waited for any excuse to send the toxic star packing back to the trailer. Boy, did she deliver. I can’t stop watching it. I’d have it looped on my iPhone if iowned one. Anyway, if you’re worried about people thinking you’re not a badass because you watched the VMAs, don’t panic. It’s OK to talk about it in public. Just tell them a dumb blonde made you do it, then read up on all of the latest Brit-plosion material so you win some points with the ladies. Here is all the Brit-shit-talking you missed:

It started with an Aug. 22 Page Six report that read, “Spears backed out at the last minute from recording a duet with her old flame, Justin Timberlake, and the inexplicable decision last month has suits at her record label, Jive, very worried.”

Worried? To me that’s a much bigger cry for help than shaving your head or flashing your beaver for the cameras, which, by the way, she did again after Sunday’s train-wreck performance. She could have had a huge hit. It was going to be produced by Timbaland (it’s not like she would even have to be in the same room with her devirginizer) and it would have been a great way to open the VMAs. Baby Jesus must have been watching over JT. Can you imagine her fat ass on his sexy back? His accountants must be so happy right now.

Reportedly, Spears, who was scheduled to rehearse her VMA opening act at 1:30 p.m., didn’t even get into Vegas till after 4 p.m., then went up to her suite, ordered food and got trashed. My favorite quote about the ordeal has to be this: “The dancers were texting pals and asking them to pray for them. They were worried.” After her disaster, Spears reportedly was in tears, though she was later seen partying till 3 a.m.

 

‘Done with MTV’

My boy Kanye West has the right idea: He says he’s “done with MTV.” West went home empty-handed, which prompted another tirade like the one he had at the MTV Europe awards. Reports claim that “MTV execs were worried about Spears’ ‘impending debacle,’” but it seems pretty hard to believe they didn’t plan for such self-destruction. “[MTV] exploited Britney in helping to end her career,” West said in a Z100 FM interview. “When Britney was opening, near the end, I felt so bad for her. I said, ‘Man, it’s a dirty game. This game will chew you up and spit you out.’” Also, JT challenged MTV to play more videos. It’s called MUSIC TELEVISION, people, come on.

In the end, The 411 sincerely hopes this column will wake up the people at MTV. The blatant exploitation of an obviously sick woman is the kind of outrageous, low-brow entertainment we expect on Jerry Springer, and it is destroying MTV’s prestige. Ironically, the only one to get that just might be Britney Spears.

 

Spotted

Trick Daddy was spotted getting arrested at Tootsie’s strip club early Monday morning, then getting patched up at Jackson Memorial Hospital after an alleged fight inside the club. T Daddy Dollars was charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting arrest.

Anna Kournikova had all the ball boys and girls going crazy over her sexy figure on Thursday at Set, where she partied till 3 a.m. with her sister and a Saudi prince. The vixen was all about town this week and was seen with the girls at Nobu on Saturday.

Is there a Ricky Martin steroid scandal? Who knows, but a really buff Martin was seen partying and signing autographs at Love/Hate. Martin and Italian crooner Eros Ramazzotti filmed a new music video Wednesday and Thursday on Española Way.

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