The evil Teletubby-Dora the Explorer-Barbie Doll flyer is nothing more than snail-mail spam.

John Paul Stapp is credited with pioneering studies of how acceleration and deceleration affect the human body. He also is credited with uttering a phrase that has since been immortalized in Murphy’s Law: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” He probably didn’t say it, but the credit stuck.

Anyway, things went very wrong at the SunPost office last weekend, something so widespread that you, our dear readers, were probably caught in the mail-bomb cyberspace explosion. A computer maintenance technician conducted a “test” e-mail from a staff computer on Saturday and inadvertently sent it to everyone who had ever been e-mailed from that machine. We’re talking at least a thousand different e-mail addresses.

At first, dozens of people politely replied with a “received” e-mail — to everyone who had received the “test.” Obviously, this annoyed a significant number of recipients.

There were others — writers, photographers and publicists — so excited about receiving such a grand inventory of e-mail addresses that they started reaching out to one another. They e-mailed messages about events, protests, employment opportunities, personal and business Web sites and random thoughts to every e-mail address on the list. Then there were those who e-mailed the group with pleas and demands to be taken off of a list that didn’t really exist. It was a self-perpetuating chain reaction.

By Tuesday, SunPost Managing Editor Rachael Lee Coleman had become the most hated woman in Miami-Dade County and beyond. Nevermind that she did not send the test e-mail or that the whole damn thing was a mere accident — the chain started with the name “Rachael Lee Coleman” and the damage was done.

The responses came in many different forms.

There was confusion:

“Are you the beginning of the mass e-mail list I have gotten linked into? If so, please remove me. If not, my apologies. Thanks.”

There were pleas:

“Please remove me as well. All of the e-mails are driving me insane. Thank you.”

There were threats:

“You’d better stop fucking around with this or you will be receiving a virus that will finish your computer.”

“As you well know, the pen is mightier than the sword and creative writing can be fun, especially when one sends a letter to the A/G’s office, the FBI and the GBI alleging solicitation of child pornography. That’s next, if this doesn’t stop now. Got it?”

There was advice:

“If you get this e-mail, DELETE it. DON'T REPLY. Don't ask to be taken off. Don't promote your event. If we all stop replying, then I can study for my midterm instead of being faked out like I have important e-mails.”

Then there were orders:

“Get my name off this list.”

There was optimism and amusement:

“So you’ve got all of us — disparate people — linked only a computer guy’s error, buzzing at the messages. Some are angry at the intrusion, others happily applaud the idea of turning lemons into lemonade with a new network! It’s the perfect parody of an online community site! Good work!”

“Thank you for the error. What a perfect way to network.”

“I’ll tell you though, with all the grief around the world this actually seems like a breath of fresh air. I’m getting a kick out of it for sure.”

And then there was opportunism:

“Please remove me from the list of people who want to be removed from the list. This onslaught of e-mails is killing me. By the way, check out my photo portfolio. Or if you need a writer, check out my articles.”

“Anyone know of a good condo for rent with a pool and can sleep eight comfortably.”

“Anyone need any help with PR? I’ve got thousands of relationships with TV, papers, radio, online media. Nice to meet you all.”
“Only in Florida, where plots twist and twist again. When you're not reading e-mail, please check out www.floridabookreview.com for fun, provocative writing about the latest — and classic — Florida writing.”

At least one local blogger wrote about the phenomenon. Larry Thorson covered the blow by blow on www.miami-dade-dems.blogspot.com. The entry included a desperate e-mail sent by Coleman apologizing for the error, explaining that the drama was a mistake by a computer guy who was fixing her computer and asking everyone to stop e-mailing everyone else. Another member of the hapless group responded with another mass e-mail: “My particular favorite so far is Rachael’s apology about the e-mail blast by way of an e-mail blast — such irony.”

Anyway, Murmurs would like to take this opportunity to say we’re sorry for the freak mishap. If everyone stops “replying all,” these mass e-mail blasts and this bizarre social experiment will cease to exist. Oh, and a tip to e-mail marketers: You are not doing your cause any favors by taking advantage of this goof, unless you enjoy hateful replies and prompt deletions of your e-mail.

Voting Casualties

The notorious Teletubby-Dora the Explorer-Barbie Doll flyer, denounced as homophobic, sexist and racist and sent by a political action committee that does not exist using a return address that also does not exist, will now be investigated by the Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics. Last week, the Miami Beach City Commission asked the ethics board to investigate the flyer, which urged recipients not to elect “candidates that represent special groups of voters” and to “vote for a candidate that will balance our budget and that looks and talks like YOU.”

So far, the request hasn’t reached the desk of ethics commission Executive Director Robert Meyers. “I actually haven’t got anything officially from them,” he said. “Nothing has come across my desk. I’m not sure why it’s taking so long.”

Oh, what’s the rush? Early voting is like four whole days away (Oct. 29) and the election isn’t till Nov. 6.

Murmurs wonders if the anonymous senders are shaking with fear. Meyers said his office will focus mostly on whether or not a candidate violated the county’s Ethical Campaign Practices Ordinance. Candidates are encouraged to sign a declaration promising that they won’t “publish, display or circulate any anonymous campaign materials” or “make my opponent’s race, religion, national origin, gender, physical disability or sexual orientation an issue in my campaign.”

The catch: The Ethical Campaign Practices Ordinance is voluntary — meaning a candidate can opt not to follow the conditions. “If a third party is putting it out, we can’t go after them,” Meyers said. The penalty: whatever the Ethics Commission deems appropriate — which likely will be a sternly worded statement or a fine not surpassing $500.

Meyers said investigators may also look at any violations to state election statutes. If any are found, the matter will be referred to the Florida Elections Commission. “They can fine people and they are pretty lofty fines, too,” he said.

Into the Sunset

Thanks to term limits, Miami Beach Mayor David Dermer will no longer head the city after Nov. 6. Or maybe Nov. 20 if there is a runoff. So on Thursday, Oct. 25, at 10 a.m. Dermer will give his farewell address at Miami Beach City Hall, 1700 Convention Center Drive. Who knows what Dermer will say — Perhaps he will announce his future political plans or endorse his replacement. Or not. We honestly don’t know, but you might want to find out.

Comments? E-mail letters@miamisunpost.com.