The Song of the Ex-Jailbird Mayor

Miami Beach Mayor Alex Daoud (right) at his peak in the 1980s, when he cavorted with celebrities like James Caan

Whether reminiscing about helping Miami Beach cops beat criminals until they were bleeding and half-dead, or taking bribes from bankers, ex-jailbird Alex Daoud sings his tales with a hypnotic melody that makes one really want to like the guy.

Murmurs began  romanticizing Miami Beach’s good old political past while listening to the former Mayor talk about how the game was played when he was in charge. Eventually, he was indicted on 41 counts of bribery and became a rat guest of the federal government for 18 months — but what a good time the ’80s were while they lasted.

“Al Capone only had five counts,” a comedic Daoud told the mesmerized Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club audience in the back of David’s Café II this week. He was there to plug his new book, The Sins of South Beach, and it appeared that Daoud really enjoyed being back on the bully pulpit.

The book is a tell-all account of bribery and corruption, in a time before the ethics police came to town and cleaned things up. Maybe Murmurs is a jaded journalist destined to join the ranks of wacko conspiracy theorists, but while Daoud spun his tale, it was hard to suppress the thought that politics past and present might not be so different.

Daoud spoke about stepping into the Garden of Eden, former Capital Bank Chairman Abel Holtz’s back yard, and biting into the apple of Holtz’s payroll. All he had to do was get Holtz’s son on the city’s zoning board. Murmurs couldn’t help but think about a recent ethical cloud circling the son of a wealthy developer who sits on the current planning board. Here’s a clue: Mount Sinai.

It’s important to know history to avoid repeating the mistakes of our predecessors. One lesson Daoud learned when he was first elected to the commission in 1979 was to keep religion out of local politics. Daoud is a Lebanese Catholic, and his Jewish opponent, Joe Malek, decided to use his faith against him. It backfired and Daoud won the election by 75 percent of the vote. Perhaps Simon Cruz would be mayor if he studied history before sending out fliers insinuating that Matti Herrera Bower, whose husband is Jewish, is anti-Semitic.

Anyway, once Daoud’s cherry was popped, servicing all of Holtz’s friends didn’t seem like a big deal. You see, Daoud had a disease. Yes, he suffered from avarice, an ailment to which those on a measly politician’s salary are particularly susceptible.

All good things must come to an end, and when Daoud was indicted on Oct. 29, 1991, with only four days left in his term, he wasn’t going to be a cheese-eating rat. He was a fighter who overcame the crippling effects of polio by training with the likes of Muhammad Ali at the legendary Fifth Street Gym in South Beach. But the prospect of spending a few decades as someone’s bitch got his lips moving. Holtz went on to plead guilty to lying to a grand jury about bribing Daoud and spent six weeks in prison and 4 1/2 months on house arrest.

Others with starring roles in Daoud’s book are still frequent City Hall lobbyists, such as former Miami Beach Mayor Harold Rosen, to whose law firm Daoud allegedly steered a lot of business in exchange for a portion of the cheese. David Kelsey, leader of the Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club, told Murmurs he ran into Rosen on Lincoln Road a few days before Daoud’s appearance. The normally jovial Rosen, he said, screamed at him for daring to invite Daoud to the breakfast club. When Kelsey invited Rosen to come defend himself, he said Rosen not very politely declined.

Football Fantasies

Tears literally flowed from the eyes of the most cynical Miami Dolphin fans on Sunday when the home team finally managed to win a game, beating the Baltimore Ravens in overtime and narrowly dodging the specter of a winless season.

Yet, something else about the Dolphins interested Murmurs — news that the head honchos of The Related Companies were talking to H. Wayne Huizinga about buying the team.

Yes, we are talking about developer Jorge Perez, president of The Related Group of Florida, and Stephen Ross, the lord and master of Related NY, a company that has added towers to New York City’s already crowded skyline since 1972.

Murmurs doesn’t think that’s such a bad idea. For one thing, Perez will probably hire his pal, Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones, as his cheerleading talent coordinator once she is forced from office by the ongoing Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office investigation into allegations that she accepted money from Perez in exchange for a vote related to a zoning variance that would enable him to construct Grove Bay near Mercy Hospital. Spence-Jones can even use her “Wake Up, Miami!” cheer to inspire Dolphin fans.

Murmurs also thinks the change in ownership could bring about a needed name change from Miami Dolphins to (drum roll please) the Miami High-Rises. Think about it: What do we see more of on a daily basis, dolphins or high-rises? And besides, a change in name means a change of song. After this last season, this song is just embarrassing:

Miami Dolphins

Miami Dolphins

Miami Dolphins number one

But if we change the team’s name to the Miami High-Rises, we won’t need a song that focuses on how well the team is actually doing — just height. Something like this:

Miami High-Rises

Miami High-Rises

Miami High-Rises really tall

To make the song work, we can require that team members have a minimum height of 6 feet 3 inches.

If Perez and Ross purchase the team — or even 49 percent of it, as they are now discussing — perhaps the developers will suddenly have the urge to build a mixed-use high-rise development on Dolphin Stadium, errr, High-Rise Stadium. After all, Miami Gardens Mayor Shirley Gibson won’t stand for any of that affordable housing crap — luxury towers all the way!

Then, once they’re done with that, Perez and Ross can build a brand-new stadium in Miami. There’s already a deal on the books to build both a new baseball stadium and a new soccer stadium — with millions of public dollars no less. And considering that the county is proposing to build an underwater tunnel that will cost billions, what’s a few hundred million dollars more? Hey, maybe they can build it at Bayfront Park!

Finally, we could replace the Dolphins’ old round helmets with kick-ass high-rise head gear to intimidate players of rival teams.

What, the National Football League wouldn’t allow it, you say? Dude, this is Jorge Perez! He convinced three of five Miami commissioners to rezone hospital grounds to allow high-rise development for reasons that those three commissioners still can’t explain. Surely, NFL commissioners are no match for the Perez charm.

So go ahead, Perez, get your moneyed partner in New York to throw in some hundreds of millions and buy the Dolphins. Make Miami proud! Make us sing! Miami High-Rises. Miami High-Rises. Miami High-Rises really tall.

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