In an Effort to Compliment Its Gourmet “Aphrodisiac” Menu, B.E.D. Has Launched “Erotica”… A Night of Love Potion Number 9, Leather-Clad Dancers, Dirty Dice and Not-So-Clean Fun

And if the food itself isn’t enough, there is also a fetish menu with choices involving “blind folded feeding,” “hand cuffed dessert feeding,” “basic spanking by a dominatrix,” and—for those with a yen for more complicated spankings—“spanking chair service.”

By John Wolf
Contributing Writer 

On Thursdays a manikin armed with a horsewhip and dressed in sadomasochistic leather and a stiletto bikini top greets B.E.D.’s customers at the door.  She isn’t there every night.  Just on Thursday Erotica nights.  On those nights, the manikin acts as a sort of unofficial mascot.  “Does she have a name,” I asked a hostess.  The answer came back in the negative.  So I decided to give her one: Annie Palmer, after a legendary “witch” who may or may not have lived in 18^th Century Jamaica who liked to seduce men—free or slave—and occasionally killed or tortured the objects of her “affection.” 

But I was not here to marvel at a manikin.  I was here to witness Erotica.  And I was just in time for the next “seating.” 

Behind the manikin sat an upwardly mobile young couple who gingerly sampled plates of duck and Cloud Nine dessert as they lounged on a soft, white bed.  While DJ Mark Vella and crew spinned appropriate tunes, five dancers scantily dressed in black leather spanked and otherwise molested each other on a small stage.  Eli Dinor, a financial services consultant visiting from New York, and his wife Anna watched between gulps of food. 

“They have nothing like this in New York,” Eli said after the show.

“It’s pretty cool,” offered Anna.  “It gets you feeling sexy….”

As Anna tried to figure out what form of note-taking skills this writer used  (“Is that shorthand?” “Nope, just really bad handwriting.”), a dancer armed with bamboo sticks suddenly returned and made her presence known by smacking the sticks against a hard surface. 

“Get ‘im! Get ‘im,” Anna said.  THWACK! was the reply communicated by the dancer via bamboo as she attempted to tantalize and spook Eli.  While the bamboo stick wielder went off to entertain (THWACK!) another couple, a dancer with no eyeholes in her mask (she probably used ESP as her means of moving about B.E.D.) offered her horsewhip to Anna. 

Erotica is the creation of party planner R.J. Martinez. The idea behind Erotica is purportedly to showcase the culinary creations of French chef Vitor Casassola.  “Our real business is the food,” Martinez said.  “Erotica is dinner theater I put together so I have an aphrodisiac to blend into an aphrodisiac menu.”

On Erotica nights, Casassola serves couples during two seatings (8:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.) what may as well be known as “aphrodisiac cuisine.”  The menu itself changes every night, but its essence remains the same.  “We use real aphrodisiacs as ingredients,” Martinez said.  There are also aphrodisiac drinks such as “Love Potion Number 9,” a little something Martinez claims was invented by Leonardo da Vinci.  The formula, he said, was found through tireless research.  

And if the food itself isn’t enough, there is also a fetish menu with choices involving “blind folded feeding,” “hand cuffed dessert feeding,” “basic spanking by a dominatrix,” and—for those with a yen for more complicated spankings—“spanking chair service.” They’ll even provide games such as “Dirty Dice” wherein couples shoot craps for specific carnal acts.  “These dice have assignments instead of dots,” Martinez said.  An example on an assignment:  “Kiss below the waste.”

Erotica is still fairly tame compared to a few of the other sex-themed parties on the SoBe scene. For example there’s Skin, an exclusive party only open-minded unescorted women and select men with women can attend.  Over and beyond the lavish body painting, the ladies and gents who manage to pass Skin’s stringent aesthetic standards often “get to know each other better” right on the dance floor—if you know what we mean. 

“We don’t cross the line,” explained BED General Manager Kurt Van Nostrand.  “We are just trying to give people a nice fetish evening.”

Martinez explained that Erotica also seeks to provide a spark for the long-time couple. 

Watching your wife or husband go to third base with a swingin’ trendsetter from Europe isn’t a spark for most people. It’s grounds for divorce.

Following the second seating on the evening we attended, however, B.E.D. the crowd started thinning out a bit.  “It’s never like this!” my companions kept saying.  “B.E.D. is always packed.”

B.E.D. is an acronym for “Beverage Entertainment and Dining.” Several years ago Pascale Hoyo showed her husband Oliver Hoyo her hometown of Amsterdam.  It was there in that town of refined taste, free-wheeling hospitality and legalized marijuana lounges that the idea for B.E.D. materialized: people dine on fine French dishes on beautiful white beds and, at night, everyone dances to the beats of top local DJs.  B.E.D. first opened its doors in 1999, and its unique concept and popular nights has helped it thrive in the cut-throat nightlife world of Washington Avenue. 

Erotica is the latest wrinkle in the B.E.D. experience.  It debuted on August 29^th, just before Labor Day Weekend.  B.E.D. was soon packed.  “People were getting spanked left and right,” remembered a bartender.  “It was wild.”

Since then, late night attendance has dropped off a bit.  By 1 a.m., B.E.D. was nearly empty, the leather-clad dancers were sent home and the staff was preparing to close.  To be expected, Martinez explained.  While April may have been the cruelest month in T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land, in SoBe Land it’s September, the hardest month of the “off-season,” when dried tubers just can’t be expected to sustain life.  No, here, it’s fresh ideas that thrive, and Martinez said Erotica is an idea that is fast catching on and will be ready to roll at full speed during the season months.  “The season is slow now.  That’s why we opened this night now to experiment,” he said.  “When the season gets here we’ll be at our peak.”

Speaking of peaks, perhaps the erotica atmosphere will increase my changes of success with the opposite sex.  Spotting an attractive woman sipping red wine by the bar, I made interesting conversation using my “assignment” as a cover.  Her name is Maria and she’s a stained glass artist and regular at B.E.D.  I was drawn to her tattoo which looked strikingly similar to the Cingular Wireless insignia.

Me: (Suavely) Is that a Cingular Wireless insignia on your arm?

Maria:  No that’s my satellite.

Me: Your satellite?  A satellite of what? Is that Sputnik?

Maria:  No, it’s my satellite.

Me: Your satellite is a Cingular Wireless insignia?  And what does “my satellite” mean?

Sensing that my pleasantries might provoke the B.E.D. regular into beating me to a pulp, my companions decided to take our festivities elsewhere.  We ended up at the Purdy Lounge where a customer named Keith decided to invite his friends, his neighbors, and his neighbor’s acquaintances to watch him get humiliated on the latest reality show called Blind Date.  During this Blind Date Keith and his companion did their best Leaving Las Vegas impersonation and got blitzed on every form of alcohol imaginable. Also on the cruise was the date’s mother.  According to Keith, the Blind Date version of Erotica didn’t go very well and he has never seen the date again.  But the spectacle of his failure drew quite a crowd. 

Toward the end of Keith’s segment, Blind Date flashed a preview of the next couple wherein the woman threw a glass of water into dates face.  “Yo, man!” some one called out to Keith.  “You did way better than that guy!”

“Oh yeah,” Keith replied.  “Just keep watching.  Watch what happens at the end.”