I checked it out with the Sunny Isles Police, and learned that although there is a law against going around a barrier, there’s no law against going under one.
By Gail Graham
Columnist
Drama on the Drawbridge
High drama last week at ten minutes to nine in the morning on the Milton Littman Bridge at 163rd Street. Lights flashing, bells ringing and motorists who really and
truly had to be someplace by 9 a.m. (including a few people doing the Real Estate Agent’s course at Gold Coast Real Estate School, where attendance is taken and God help you if you miss a
class) taking their chances on being able to make it across before the boom gates came all the way down. And after all that, no boats. (Well, there was a boat, but it was a very little
boat, and it could have easily fit under the unopened bridge.) A hundred fuming motorists watched as a man with a tool kit sauntered out, extracted a screwdriver and proceeded to replace
one of the round, red reflectors on one of the boom gates. “You held up all these people just for this?,” I asked him incredulously. You got to take your chances when you can, he replied,
adding that there were men working underneath the bridge, and maybe they were responsible. Yeah, right. Things need to be fixed, fair enough. But in the middle of rush hour? I found myself
wondering what would happen if someone actually found themselves trapped on the bridge while it was opening. Would they make it
across? Would the bridge keeper (if that’s what he’s
called) let them escape? I didn’t have long to wait for the answers, which are yes, and yes. That same afternoon, as Chairman Bao and I were taking our afternoon walk along Sunny Isles
Blvd. we heard a loudspeaker announcement, “Get off the bridge! I’ll open the gate for you!” And the gates opened, and a gray sedan came hurtling across, beating everybody else to Collins
Avenue by at least five minutes. You’d think there’d be a law against it. Amazingly, there isn’t. I checked it out with the Sunny Isles Police, and learned that although there is a
law against going around a barrier, there’s no law against going under one. So as long as you manage to get under the barrier before it’s completely down, you’re home free.
Or home and hosed, as they say in Australia. So go for it, guys. You’ve got nothing to lose but your lives.
Beautiful Babies
Every mother believes that her baby is the most beautiful baby in the world. So beautiful in fact that maybe, he or she could be a model. And why not? The first
step towards the catwalk is to win the America’s Most Photogenic Baby Competition, and for the past couple of days, mothers and babies have been lining up at Aventura Mall and paying $35
to enter their little ones in this year’s contest, which is run by the American Performing Arts Network to benefit the Children’s Miracle Network and various local hospitals across the
country, including the Miami Children's Hospital Foundation. The annual competition began in 1993, and this is Miami’s third year of participation. The event is open to children under the
age of five, and there are four categories - Beautiful, Fashionable, Precious and Comical. Professional fashion photographers take the photographs, which will be put on display at Aventura
Mall later this month. A panel of modeling professionals then judges the photographs, and announces winners in each age category, and overall winners in each age group. One child will be
named the most
photogenic baby in Miami, and will receive a large trophy and also become a finalist in the national competition, America’s Most Photogenic Babies of 2003. The grand
prize is a modeling contract with a top New York agency, a modeling portfolio and 500 composite cards. There’s also a Voter’s Choice Competition, open to friends, relatives and members of
the public who are all invited to vote for their favorite child for 50 cents per vote. The child who raises the most money will be named winner of Voter’s Choice, will receive a trophy,
and will be eligible to appear locally on the Children’s Miracle Network telethon. Good fun, and in aid of a good cause. Over the past decade, America’s Most Photogenic Babies has raised
over a million dollars for children’s hospitals throughout the United States.
Happy Chinese New Year
Happy Chinese New Year and welcome to the Year of the Ram. Or the Year of the Sheep. Or the Year of the Goat. (The Chinese language does not separate sheep or goats or
even distinguish between them.) You’re a Ram (or a sheep or a goat) if you were born in 1991, 1979, 1967, 1955, 1943, 1931 and so forth. In Chinese mythology, the ram symbolizes filial
piety, because it is the only animal that kneels when being suckled by its mother. So if you’re a ram, you’re probably good to your parents. There’s an old Chinese legend that tells the
tale of five venerable magicians, each riding upon a ram that bore a stalk of grain in its mouth. The magicians presented the stalks of grain to the people of Canton, saying, “May famine
and dearth never visit your markets.” The magicians vanished, but the rams were changed into stone and ever since, Canton has been known as the City of Rams. You might also like to know
that the yangyan quan (sheep’s-eye ring) is a Chinese condom that’s made from the ring of muscle around the sheep’s eye, and covered with hair. I’m told you can still buy them in
Beijing. However, they’ve got to be softened in warm tea before use. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Contact me at gailgraham1@juno.com
