Welcome to the SunPost

Orange Directory

A guide to area business

There are a lot of businesses out there. As such, our minds will shut down into an exhausted coma if we try to list every single Italian restaurant, shoe store, mortgage broker, insurance salesman or contractor (including those without fraudulent building permits) in existence between South Miami and Hollywood. Besides, we have to dedicate some space to the SunPost’s trademark news, features, commentary and ads.

Having said that, the SunPost Orange Directory does provide a fairly decent sample of what’s out there, divided into chapters consisting of Restaurants/Nightlife, Shopping and Professional Services, Health and Beauty and Real Estate. Within these pages are hundreds and hundreds of listings as our tribute to capitalism, convenience and the American dream. We dare say the SunPost Orange Directory rivals any of those old-fashioned phone books we often find ourselves flipping through when looking for a dry cleaner, needing a Realtor or craving a pizza. And, as an added bonus, we even bolded listings that are near and dear to our heart. (Cough! Advertisers!) Sorry, a little hay fever.

Anyway, at least we acknowledge our shortcomings. We won’t pretend this is the end-all, most action-packed movie of the summer like, say, Miami Vice. Or should we call it Anywhere but Miami Vice. Or, better yet, A Cure for Insomnia Vice. Sure, there were a few neat shots of Crockett and Tubbs flying along the Miami River on speedboats, of Crockett and Tubbs talking to their informant on busy I-95, and of Crockett and Tubbs talking to the FBI on top of a Miami office building while empty Metromovers traveled in the background. After that it was scenes filmed in the Dominican Republic. Yes, they should have called it Dominican Republic Vice.

Oh, yes. And Miami Vice is proof that there should be a law banning action movies that take themselves too seriously. Dude, Jamie Foxx plays Rico Tubbs and if you blinked you missed him being funny. Instead there’s a lot of babble about the ins and outs of smuggling on go-fast boats and references to Jackson Pollock paintings. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Compare that to, say, Armageddon — the ultimate man versus rock movie, which while really stupid, had some funny lines that helped keep movie viewers awake. Like: “Guess what guys, it’s time to embrace the horror! Look, we’ve got front row tickets to the end of the earth!” or “Well, our object collision budget’s about a million dollars. That allows us to track about 3 percent of the sky, and beg’n your pardon sir, but it’s a big-ass sky.” Or “Man, what are you doing with a gun in space?”

The dialogue in Miami Vice? Well, there was this cool exchange between a Nazi meth dealer holding a detonator and Detective Gina Calabrese (Elizabeth Rodriguez) holding a really powerful automatic rifle of some sort. When he dares her to shoot, telling her “we can all go,” Calabrese replies: “That’s not what happens. What will happen is … I will put a round at 2,700 feet per second into the medulla at the base of your brain. And you will be dead from the neck down before your body knows it. Your finger won’t even twitch. Only you get dead. So tell me, sport, do you believe that?” To which the Nazi replies, “Hey, fu….” And, bang, she shoots him dead.

And there you have it. For those of you who have not seen Miami Vice, there is now absolutely no reason to do so. Those were the best lines in the movie. They gotta give Elizabeth Rodriguez more work.

Now read our lines.

— Introduction by Erik Bojnansky

— Lines from movie taken from imdb.com

—Compiled by Oriane Lluch, Erik Bojnansky, Robin Shear and contributors from SunPost directories and guides past.