| Best of City Life Hit Me! It’s me again. Sparky. Your loveable high roller. OK, here’s why I hate Miami. The people there think they are sooooooooo high and mighty that they voted against slot machines. They turned their backs on an industry, the pari-mutuels — pillars of the community. The racetracks were so willing to tax themselves up the wazoo for education just to have some slot machines on the premises. I was so inspired by their noble cause that I collected hundreds of signatures to get the item on both the Miami-Dade and Broward ballots. Sure, I was paid $2 a signature, and I later blew all the dough playing poker at the $2 tables, but my point is, slots would have really helped pave the way for the complete legalization of gambling in Miami-Dade County. Think of it: Miami-Dade County as the new Vegas! Las Vegas is paradise. There’s no crime, they got clean streets, nobody gets sick, nobody dies. Absolute freakin’ paradise! But no, Miami-Dade leaders got all worried that the poor would get poorer spending money on slots. Well, great, now the old people have to take buses to Gulfstream to play. And what else are the poor gonna spend their money on? Food? Rent? That’s boring! You’ll see, Miami-Dade. When Broward becomes the Shangri-la of Florida, you guys are gonna be beggin’ for slots. And I hope the pari-mutuels say, "No, we’re gonna sell to a condo developer." That’ll teach ya. Bastards! Anyway, even though slots were rejected by the backward people of Miami-Dade County, even I gotta admit that the City Life is pretty interesting down there. This has a lot to do with the fact that the people of Miami-Dade are freaks. I mean, they said no to slot machines for Pete’s sake. Maybe they’ll say yes to Cirque du Soleil, though. Listen to Sparky, you French-Canadian circus clowns — don’t ask for any more subsidies. First of all, Miami Beach is less of a commute from your second homes in Broward than, say, Las Vegas, where your other little permanent show is. Second, show some spine! Take a gamble, on South Beach. It’s OK for a place without slots. Or parking, for that matter. Come to think of it, get as much as you can out of those beach bums, Cirque du Soleil. Vive le Québec libre! Anyway, without further ado — City Life, the miscellaneous category that defies definition. Hey, SunPost! Where’s my money? What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas … Wonder what high-rollin’ ballers like Shaq and D-Wade will do in the off-season? Probably go to Vegas, gamble and stay at the Hardwood Suite at the Palms Hotel. The Hardwood features a basketball half-court for the Heat stars to relive their championship glory on. Curious? It goes for $25,000 … per night. But it does include a professional locker room, scoreboard, pool table, lounge, bar, two master bedrooms, three extra-large Murphy beds on the court, extra-large Jacuzzi tub, rotating loveseat, dining area, media room, plasma TVs, plus room for about 325 people. Or maybe they wanna stay in the Kingpin Suite, complete with a bowling alley — a bit more reasonable at $15k per night. Penny pinchers saving up for the craps tables can take the G Suite for about five grand a night. Visit www.palmsfantasy.com to book a room. Best
Miami-Dade County Department First of all, we should acknowledge that here at the SunPost we are cursed with having bad luck. One of our previous staffers hit a psychic hotline operator with a car. Her dying words were “screw up.” It’s happened intermittently ever since. And with our luck, just as we write this entry, the Elections Department will be hit with some kind of scandal. It has almost happened before: We at the SunPost would be feeling all happy about the department doing giant beta-tests on the accursed iVotronic machines (you know, the touchscreen ballots that didn’t turn on a few years back) just before the presidential election and witness county elections officials working 15 or 20 straight hours doing various logic tests. Wow, we’d think. That sure is impressive. Definitely worth some kind of recognition. Then, bam, there’d be some kind of scandal about election officials not doing something or other right. And, sure enough, the new elections supervisor would hit the road. Right now Miami-Dade Elections has been operating pretty smoothly under Lester Sola. Good thing, too, as there are several state, county and city elections coming our way over the next 12 months. So, here’s hoping that our placing them as the best county department doesn’t jinx things. If it does, you can’t blame us. Curses are not legally nor scientifically recognized. Best
City Department (Miami) This is sort of a belated recognition for probably one of the hardest-working sections within one of the hardest-working departments (the Planning Department) in Miami. As it should be: Miami is the oldest community in Miami-Dade County, is still home to the oldest buildings in Miami-Dade (as in buildings that were old when Miami Beach’s Art Deco structures were still being planned), has some of the most significant archeological sites (a la Miami Circle) and continues, even with a real estate slowdown, to attract brand new development projects—the developers of which probably wouldn’t mind clearing away a few older houses if given the chance. (Witness the flattening of the Bliss House a few years back, soon to be replaced by Onyx 2). Due to such pressures, the Historic Preservation Section sometimes must butt heads with higher-ups. For example, Miami has one of the strongest archeological ordinances in the state, a code that city archeologist Alison Elgart-Berry used to protect significant sites—and it might have gotten her fired last year. Elgart-Berry’s position is still open, leaving the Historic Preservation Section to primarily two individuals, Kathleen Slesnick Kauffman and Providencia Velazquez, who carry on the archeological tasks, research requests for historic preservation and oversee archeological studies by consultants. Overworked? Yeah, you betcha (though planners from the regular Planning Department step in to help when needed). Still this section, as it has for the last few years under the leadership of the now retired Sarah Eaton, continues to be proactive, looking for areas of Miami that should be saved for future generations. The Dade Heritage Trust has even acknowledged its work with a Distinguished Community Service Award. And are you curious about old Miami? The Historic Preservation section has a pretty nifty database on designated and districts that can be found at http://www.historicpreservationmiami.com. The endeavor also got the Historic Preservation section an Outstanding Achievement Award in the field of preservation education media from the Florida Trust for Historic Preservation. Runner-Up: Miami Planning Department Yes, we have to give kudos to the rest of the Miami Planning Department family. Having to deal with property owners, developers, preservationists, anti-development types and, most significantly, Miami politicians, is a position we here at the SunPost don’t envy. Best
City Department (Miami Beach) Just because your city’s mayor doesn’t declare a need to overhaul the zoning code with a fancy name like “Miami 21” doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot to do. This is especially true in a place where everyone wants to live, visit and make money off people who live and visit. So Planning Director Jorge Gomez has a lot to deal with. Take for example the department’s single-family home tour where planners went from neighborhood workshop to neighborhood workshop about new regulations meant to prevent giant new homes from overwhelming historic single-family homes. A fairly difficult task in itself, especially when most of the comments received from the public are “Huh?” But then add in doing these workshops with the inexhaustible (particularly when he’s talking) Planning Board Chair Victor Diaz. And just because you are doing workshops don’t mean the rest of your work—like examining the pastel colors of new buildings in the historic district or judging the merits of a high-rise in South Pointe—suddenly stop. The folks at the Planning Department know that as they prepare to tackle their next challenge: controlling development in the Flamingo Park district. Best
City Department (Aventura) Yes, the City of Excellence boys in blue rained on the parade of elected officials during Founder’s Day—the vaunted day that Aventura won its “independence” from Miami-Dade County via endlessly annoying county officials. And sure, during contract negotiations, the police union did play major hardball. That said, the Aventura Police Department remains the very reason Aventura became its own city in the first place. This department also has its own navy, has crime prevention programs, is armed with the latest technology and is staffed by fairly professional law enforcement officers who, until recently, were paid even less than officers who worked at the North Miami Beach Police Department. Best
City Department (Coral Gables) There are probably a lot of city departments deserving of consideration for a “Best Of” award within the City Beautiful. We are inclined to think that because the hard-working kids at the Office of Public Affairs continuously send us such happy news about city departments, city events and even private city businesses via their e-mailed “City Beautiful” newsletter. Case in point: The City Beautiful News went out of its way to point out every single award received by every park, pool, individual, business and play that has anything to do with Coral Gables and was awarded “Best of Miami” status by the oh-so-important Miami New Times. And what if there isn’t an abundance of happy news to publicize? The Office of Public Affairs opts to rustle some up, like, for example, through a recent romance contest that encouraged Coral Gables residents to send in their love stories to Public Affairs. Awwwww. Best
Political Hatchet Man If we didn’t know better, we would say Surfside’s newly elected Mayor Charles Burkett doesn’t like lawyers. Prior to his election, Burkett continuously harped on how much Surfside spends on its legal bills. Afterward, Burkett made longtime Town Attorney Steve Cypen look like the Devil—until the man just read aloud a prewritten letter of resignation during a public, packed his stuff and left. Surfside’s litigation methods against certain homeowners, in fairness, have been pretty extreme. At the same time, though, prior to Burkett, Surfside was known as a town that fiercely protects its rights, and they protected them through litigating. That time is likely over. Now, Surfside has hired a law firm willing to compromise if necessary. So, property owners, if there are any “unfair” zoning laws on Surfside’s books, now is a good time to dust off the Burt. J Harris lawsuits—you may find the current leadership a tad more accommodating. Best
Political Scare First reaction when it was announced that the traveling Canadian Cirque du Soleil wanted to set up a permanent show in Miami Beach: neat! Second reaction when information leaked that developer Jorge Perez of the Related Group wanted between $85 and $100 million of public money to make the deal happen, in exchange for $1 in base rent and eventually a cut of the profits for the city: Uh, gee, I dunno. Third reaction when news came that the deal would include a hotel, a spa, nightclubs exempt from the noise ordinance, restaurants: AAAAAAH! Still, the city kept negotiating, even as local nightclubs and restaurants began to clamor against it. In the end, it was Cirque executives themselves who announced they wanted to concentrate mainly on a performance venue. And so Perez said “no hard feelings” and headed off into the sunset while planning his next high-rise. Miami Beach’s city manager is left to negotiate with Cirque for a deal that will, hopefully, be a lot less scary. Best
Political Scandal What else could win this paper’s, or any other paper’s, “what the hell” award? A little background: To resolve its fiscal crisis, Miami decides to institute a fire fee. Then a similar fire fee in another Florida city is declared unconstitutional. A group of property owners get together and file a class action suit demanding a refund for property owners of the collected fees—something that could cost the city tens of millions of dollars. Sensing shaky ground, the city commences negotiation. Thus far, logical, right? And so it all seemed when the Miami City Commission agreed to settle the fire fee suit for $7 million. Then you read the fine print: That $7 million would be divided up by only five property owners and two people who headed a political action committee who (drum roll) weren’t even Miami property owners. The rest of the 80,000 or so Miami property owners? SOL. When the details come out, Miami officials play dumb. Paper trails, however, show that City Manager Joe Arriola knew what was going on and Mayor Manny Diaz was also involved in the negotiations. The suit commences again and Mayor Diaz, staring out into space, tells the court even though he earns six figures to lead the city and has a law degree, he simply trusted what Arriola and the city attorney’s office were doing. Meanwhile, the $7 million settlement is thrown out (that’s what we wanted all along, city officials say) and the very real possibility that Miami will have to pay tens of millions of dollars to make things right looms large. In the words of Robin Williams’ Adrian Cronauer from the movie Good Morning, Vietnam: “This will not look good on a resume!” Best
Name Kricket. Snow. Immediately haikus and hot sake come to mind, but given that the petite architect sitting on Miami’s Planning Advisory Board is far from Japanese there’s not much to work with from that angle. Maybe a more poetic approach for the vice president of the city’s chapter of the American Institute of Architects would work … nimble and quick like the insect yet beautifully pale like the falling precipitation that Miami never sees? Nah, though flattering, still a little too cliché. Let’s just settle for saying Kricket Snow has a really cool name, one that hints at bohemian parents yet avoids the granola-munching, hairy-armpit connotation that such a unique name would usually carry. Nope, it’s just perfect, especially for the journalist tired of quoting Josés, Bobs and Marias. Runner-Up: Chante Sweet, aide to Miami Mayor Manny Diaz. Best
Aventura Activist This older but very active woman attends the Aventura City Commission meetings and has produced her own “palm card” of endorsements that she and her associates circulate in condos in Aventura and outlying areas. Among other accomplishments, she has raised millions of dollars for Democratic Party candidates and was instrumental in getting Bill Clinton to speak in Aventura several years ago. Before district elections led to the parochialization of Miami-Dade politics, she was one of the “go-to” condo leaders, and Miami-Dade politicians and candidates used to beat a path to her door. Last year, when the Aventura mayoral election went into a runoff because no candidate garnered a majority of votes, her candidate threw his endorsement, with Ginger’s encouragement, to relative newcomer Susan Gottlieb, who won the mayoral runoff. Gottlieb beat Manny Grossman (no relation to Ginger) — who received the backing of all the sitting commissioners. Late 2005, Grossman’s backers on the Aventura Charter Commission proposed eliminating runoff elections, allowing a mere plurality to win office. Ginger Grossman spoke out against this election "reform," but the sleepy Aventurians backed it anyway as a means of "saving money" on a second election. She has for years worked for the betterment of clean government, and was one of the early supporters in the early 1990s for Aventura’s incorporation, which was initially opposed by the Aventura business elite, despite the PR efforts of the Aventura Marketing Council. She’s not a rich lady and has never held elected office, but is a committed citizen and activist. Best
Managed City Wha-? Can it really be true? Miami Beach has been named as Best Managed City? That city with all the clubs and the condo people who keep complaining about the noise from the clubs and the pools that never get built and all the cars and the so few parking spaces and the roaming towing trucks? Yes, that city. Miami Beach deserves the nod this year. For one thing, look at the competition. Miami? Come on, seriously. North Bay Village? Probably deserving of a few points for its citizens not outright killing each other, but that is not worthy of being named a “best managed city.” Bay Harbor Islands? Has nowhere near the challenges of Miami Beach (last time we checked, Bay Harbor isn’t a popular spot for large numbers of tourists, especially in huge masses—as in Art Basel, Boat Show, World Music Conference, Spring Break or Urban Beach Week). Surfside? Jury is still out after a radical change in government this past March. And then we have good ol’ Miami Beach which, in spite of the lack of parking, skyrocketing costs of living and all those pesky tourists, is the most desirable place to live in Miami-Dade County. And yes, 50 percent of the reason has to do with the beach and the relative close proximity to interesting restaurants and markets. But as we have said above, a lot of people want to live and visit here—there needs to be a top notch administrator who can balance the needs of residents and businesses alike. Fortunately, Miami Beach has one in the form of Jorge Gonzalez, a man we at the SunPost like to torment for his six-figure salary for fun once in a while, but who we must acknowledge as a skillful city manager. Then there is the seven-member Miami Beach City Commission—elected officials each with his or her own political agenda (especially those wishing to run for mayor or another office outside the Beach)—but nonetheless whose philosophies have both complimented and countered each other’s, magically creating a policy that is beneficial to Beachers. Finally, as journalists, we have a warm and fuzzy spot for Miami Beach’s web site, which not only has the typical phone number for department heads and listings for upcoming meetings, but also video taped archives of televised hearings, live streaming video for hearings and letters to the commission from City Manager Gonzalez which offer updates on everything from updates to construction projects to bussing plans for little tikes living in North Beach who want to swim in a chlorine pool. Miami Beach is not perfect, a lot of that imperfection has to do with questionable decisions from years past and the SunPost does not agree with all the decisions the commission or the manager make. Yet the powers that be are guiding the ship known as the Beach fairly well. That management has even enhanced Miami Beach’s value where it can even afford to give homeowners a $200 “dividend” check. Runner-Up/Tie: Coral Gables and Aventura First of all, a big hello to the people of City Beautiful. We hope that you citizens will grow to love and hate us—emotions that will enable our free weekly papers to be picked up from our nice, shiny boxes. Lukewarm and indifferent feelings could mean disaster. Perhaps our giving your city a tie for runner-up for best managed city will help inspire strong negative emotions. Whatever. Seriously, Coral Gables’ tight and fair code enforcement policies have been legendary in Miami-Dade County—so much so that it is one of the few places that out-of-state media doesn’t blanket as being “Miami”-- and that includes Ft. Lauderdale! So, be proud people of Coral Gables—you are distinct. Also distinct: City Manager David Brown, who recently was named city manager of the year by the Florida League of Cities and, at the same time, is the most hated man among union employees, particularly the Coral Gables Fraternal Order of Police. Mayor Donald Slesnick II insists Brown is just doing his job—trying to keep pension costs down. Eugene Gibbons, president of the Coral Gables Police Union, believes Brown is acting improperly. The matter is being looked at by the Public Relations Commission. And who can forget about Aventura, the City of the Oh-So-Excellent as overseen by City Manager Eric Soroka. Unlike Brown, Soroka was able to solve the city’s dispute with its police union. Left out in the cold, thus far, is the fate of a Hurricane Wilma-battered Point East condo complex whose members are desperately seeking aid, city or otherwise, wherever they can. Still, Soroka has been busy at work, making roads public and preparing for the flowing traffic that shall come from eager gamblers wishing to try their luck at the slots when things get cooking up at Gulfstream. Best Managed City if You’re a Developer North Bay Village It took them awhile but North Bay Village did get a dredging company to clean up Biscayne Bay. Good thing, too, as all the wooden clutter and partially submerged boats attract news reporters but not condo buyers. Was that a motivator in getting someone to clean up the bay? Officially, it was the state, but we’re sure property owners and developers had a hand in it too. Besides a strategic location (between North Beach and Miami’s Upper Eastside) and water views, another attractive element of NBV is its political atmosphere. Here developers can avail themselves of low-impact fees and generous design bonuses. And then there’s the attitude: Developers can get projects approved by the city even before they get an OK from the county’s Shoreline Review along Biscayne Bay. Developers can anticipate a brand-spanking-new underwater sewer line that will enable them to continue building tall. Developers can also expect any serious limits to design bonuses and heights to be continuously delayed. And if some big, bad old corporation like ClearChannel tries to sue a developer because a project’s height might interfere with WIOD’s radio signals—well, the city of North Bay Village will be there through thick and thin. And if you are a developer of a controversial project in Miami Beach, like maybe a future Home Depot, North Bay Village Commissioner Tzvi Bogomilsky will be all too willing to give a heartwarming speech preaching the benefits of development. The community was behind the developer-friendly attitude, believing the higher tax base would help fund much-needed improvements. Then reality hit: Improvements will have to be paid for by the current population themselves – before they are replaced, that is. Already under consideration is a general obligation bond between $26 and $30 million for parkland, fire rescue and police facilities. Best
Political Move When it comes to general obligation bond issues or special taxes, governments often jump in all enthusiastically, with officials squealing, “Wheeeeeeeee! We are going to fix up all the streets, build community centers, extend the Metrorail and do oh-so-much good!” And then, reality hits: There aren’t enough funds to do all the things said G.O. bond or special tax was intended to do. Guess we’ll have to raise taxes, huh? That wasn’t the case in Coral Gables. Mayor Donald Slesnick was always up front about the fact that property taxes would go up with his proposed $69 million general obligation bond. But Slesnick argued passionately for it to be put to the voters nonetheless. His colleagues, though, wanted more time to not only define what the bond would pay for but also to properly inform the voters. City administrators also said it would take a year to place the referendum on the ballot. City commissioners were prepared to wait even longer, if need be. “I will not hide my disappointment as to the length of this timeline,” Slesnick said. But, Mr. Mayor, a longer timeline will ensure a better G.O. bond in the long run. So buck up, Donald. C’mon, Donny. Don’t feel bad. Smile, Donny. Dooooonnny. Doooooooonnnny. Runner-Up: Property Tax Rebates for Miami Beach Homeowners Sure, some may bitch about how those $200 “dividend” checks should go toward providing services for the less fortunate—like the homeless. However, we didn’t hear too many complaints from homeowners when they got the check. And the revenue stream for dividend checks means less money for other pie-in-the-sky endeavors. And if Mayor David Dermer makes good on his promise to increase the size of those dividend checks before he heads off into the sunset—that pool of cash will shrink even further. Best
Politician Sure, some resented it when Miami Beach Mayor David Dermer, the Democrat, supported the re-election of President George W. Bush. Those individuals weren’t Republicans, however—a significant presence on Miami Beach. Still, Bush critics who were homeowners deposited those $200 dividend checks championed by Dermer all the same. And even among Miami Beach residents who criticized Dermer’s proposal to forbid convicted sexual predators from living within 2,500 feet from schools, parks and other areas that children frequent (effectively banning them throughout most of this city) there were a few sighs of relief, though they would never admit it publicly. (The ACLU never got around to filing a suit challenging the law. Coincidence? We think not.) Were both initiatives meant to further endear him to voters? Yeah, probably. (Though he is now officially termed-out of office.) But more to the point, the moves were meant to show how a government can be “progressive” without giving millions of dollars in subsidies to special interest types. And now with former SunPost columnist A.C. Weinstein as Dermer’s senior advisor, we expect to see some interesting moves and initiatives in the future. Best
Political Contest Two words: Incumbent free. That is what it will be like for at least four of the seven seats now up for grabs, thanks to term limits and aspirations for higher office. Mayor David Dermer? Termed-out. Commissioners Simon Cruz and Matti Bower? Also termed-out, and now going for the seat vacated by Dermer. Commissioner Luis Garcia? Going for a seat in the state House of Representatives. And if Commissioner Saul Gross decides to make the plunge for the mayor’s post, well, that will mean five seats up for grabs. If that happens, the City Commission will see its greatest turnover since 1991. To put that in perspective, we have an intern working for us who was born in 1991. (Feel old yet?) And what do sudden turnovers mean? Gosh, almost anything—zoning variances, subsidy grants, legalization of gambling, legalization of prostitution. Okay, we exaggerated with the last two, but four votes can enable a lot of things. That fact has not been lost on political consultants who are thanking whatever deity they happen to worship. Best
Political Blunder First off, we’d like to say we like Joe Arriola. Really, we do. We like the fact that he gives his entire salary to the United Way (though we question why). We like that he makes fun of Commissioner Tomas Regalado. We like it when he starts cursing during public meetings and gatherings. In fact, we invite Arriola to make fun of us during Coconut Grove Chamber of Commerce gatherings. (Hint: None of us SunPost writers have Jabba the Hut-like weight problems but many of us like to drink and we’re not talking water!) But we feel it wasn’t his professed love for Miami or his charitable nature that made Mayor Manny Diaz pick Arriola for city manager. It was Arriola’s bombastic style. Arriola’s rough and tumble ways of pushing Diaz’s agenda helps deflect heat from hizzoner—at least it did at first. But Arriola was not enough to deflect scrutiny over Diaz’s part in trying to pay off seven plaintiffs involved with legally contesting the city’s fire fee instead of settling with all 80,000 property owners who were charged the fee improperly. As we write this, the Florida Bar is looking into possible action against not just the city attorney’s office, but the mayor (who happens to be a lawyer) as well. And when news broke of Arriola jumping in on a land deal with Diaz and Commissioner Johnny Winton, that just tied a time bomb to Diaz’s leg. It was those factors that made Diaz tell the media Arriola would be leaving office on June 1. As expected, Arriola didn’t go and Diaz didn’t force him to leave. The mayor blamed “city business and intervening circumstances” for not looking for a replacement. Best
Letdown We want our MTV, damn it! This is especially true in the dead of summer when there is like nothing going on. At the height of season, seeing a celebrity is almost a common occurrence. (Ho hum: Lindsay Lohan is partying at Mansion. Again. Whaaaaaaatever.) But when temperatures are at 90 degrees, famous people money is as good as any. (Yes, ma’am, Ms. Lohan!) And the publicity about Miami being a celeb magnet? That sure as hell didn’t hurt. So why NYC? Officially, MTV says it was pangs of homesickness. “New York City is our hometown and we are really looking to showcase the music, culture and people from every borough of this amazing city on TV, online, broadband and wireless to fans around the globe,” said MTV President Christina Norman. Christina. We can make you feel at home. And we’re talking more than just the generous treatment Miami and Miami-Dade County threw your way in terms of money and services. Just give us half a chance. OK, how’s this? Every time you are in town and decide to have a drink at the Miami City Club, the power elite will all yell “Norm!” But nooooooo. You had to go and run away because hurricanes just happened to hit right before or after you came to town. And so NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg (who is a Republican, by the way — what kind of leftists are you?) gets to gloat: “An event of this magnitude and cultural importance will generate tremendous media exposure and with the thousands of visitors expected will yield a positive economic impact projected in excess of $25 million.” This is New York! It has too much money as it is. And it gets lots and lots of media coverage. (People from remote villages in the Carpathian Mountains know about New York City — and they still believe in the existence of vampires.) That’s it, we demand to have a Law and Order series. And a good one. None of that CSI crap. Just you wait. NYC will try to take Art Basel away from us next. Best
Reason to Leave Town Well, they say this hurricane season won’t be as active as last year. Small comfort: In 2005 there were 28 tropical storms and 15 hurricanes, seven of them major. They were naming storms after Greek letters, for Pete’s sake. And it should be noted that prior to hurricane season, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration at first predicted “above-normal” activity last year. Then, just a day before hurricane season started, that prediction was upgraded to 15 named storms, eight hurricanes and four major hurricanes. This year the prediction is 13 to 16 named storms with between eight and 10 becoming hurricanes and four to six being of the “major” kind. A fun prospect for a state that just sticks right out into the Caribbean Sea. Using our psychic powers, we foresee having at least a week without electricity, especially with most of the local wooden utility poles already listing to one side like the Leaning Tower of Pizza. Best Reason to Leave the East Coast Hurricane Season Twice MTV decided to have its Video Music Awards Show in South Florida. And twice hurricanes either skirted or slammed into Miami just before or after the show’s start. So the executives in NYC decided Miami is a place to avoid during the summer hurricane season. Well, guess what, MTV executives? Chances are NYC is going to be hit by a hurricane in the next few years. Weather experts say the ocean waters off the northeastern United States are a little bit warmer than usual. Perfect for hurricanes, which by the way had a regular habit of slamming into the New England states prior to World War II. So go ahead and have your little shindig in the Big Apple, MTV. The hurricanes will follow you. Might want to consider Los Angeles again. Of course then there is that earthquake problem. OOOO! And volcanoes. Don’t forget about the volcanoes. And tsunamis! Best
Bumper Sticker Slapped on the back of a Toyota, this simple one liner could only be sported by a Florida resident. It’s no surprise either, with only about a 33 percent presidential approval rate. Tsk tsk tsk, George W. Bush. And not to mention way back in the early ‘90s, when Bush Sr. sent us to another middle-eastern melee. This particular driver is probably pissed off at Jeb Bush, as well. But, who can forget the Department of Children and Families fiasco? The SunPost Googled this particular bumper sticker and turned up only with “I Didn’t Vote for Daddy Either,” which leads us to believe this righteous road rage was homemade. Best
Disaster Scenario Forget about higher interest rates or the fact that independent homebuilders are having a harder time finding the capital to build things; the true downfall of the South Florida real estate market will be the fact that this flat, panhandled state will likely be underwater in the next 100 years or so. By “or so,” we mean “more or less.” Skeptical about this bit of information? Put it this way: Why do you think artist Inigo Manglano-Ovalle had the nifty idea to build an iceberg sculpture in front of Government Cut? Could it be because of all that news about giant portions of ice sheets breaking off from Greenland and Antarctica? And what happens if enough ice breaks apart and melts? The oceans rise. “Parts of the Antarctic ice sheet that rest on bedrock below sea level have begun to discharge ice fast enough to make a significant contribution to sea-level rise,” Chris Rapley of the British Antarctic Survey said this past January. “Understanding the reason for this change is urgent in order to be able to predict how much ice may ultimately be discharged and over what time scale.” According to other published reports, that time could be as early as 2100. When that happens, say g’bye to Florida. You won’t be alive to see it, but your grandkids and great-grandkids might be. Could Florida be underwater even sooner? Umm, parts of Bangladesh that were once above water, well, aren’t. And do you have plans to visit a desert island in the southern Pacific? Do it fast. The Polynesian republic of Tuvalu is expected to be underwater in the next few decades (evacuation plans for the 10,441 people living there are already in the works). So when will the bell toll for Florida? A warning sign would be if the Western Antarctic ice sheet goes underwater. That would send sea levels up by 16 feet or so. (Fun news fact: As of right now, 36 cubic miles of ice a year are falling into the ocean.) Then there is the Greenland ice sheet – if that goes (and yes, it is melting away), sea levels will also rise a bit and help speed up the disintegration of the Western Antarctic ice sheet—assuming it isn’t underwater already by the time that happens. Ah, don’t worry. Just having a bit of fun. Florida will be above water for a couple thousand years, you’ll see. Why, the president says he has everything taken care of, even though he doesn’t personally believe that humans are responsible for global warming and doesn’t think we have to follow the Kyoto accords. See, does that make you feel better? Best
Political Prosecution Once upon a time, Barry Kutun was an up-and-coming political star in Florida, a state lawmaker with aspirations of one day moving into the governor’s mansion. As if finding himself, at 64, city attorney in the bedroom community of North Miami weren’t rough enough, today Kutun faces numerous charges in both Miami-Dade and Broward counties related to illicit sex with a young girl. And he never even made president! Kutun allegedly made contact with a 16- or 17-year-old girl through a third party for sex and bartered all sorts of goodies for favors, police say. It all came to a head, so to speak, in January when an affidavit detailing the affair was mysteriously circulated in North Miami City Hall. Out came allegations that Kutun trolled the Internet and kept at least one nude photo of himself on his hard drive. We can’t even imagine. Kutun has alleged he was deceived about the girl’s age and furthermore that the entire affair is political persecution. Sound familiar? Best
Political Tug of War Who says the 1960s are dead? At the University of Miami, sit-ins and protests were alive and well when janitors contracted by Unicco went on strike, demanding higher wages and a union, preferably with the Service Employees International Union. Management’s reaction: Janitors got raises. SEIU’s reaction: Uhhhhh, what about that union thing? Next thing you know, UM students and professors get involved with staging sit-ins in administrative buildings. UM’s reaction: Wait ‘em out until the demonstrators are forced to pee in bottles, then negotiate again. Result: Unicco agrees to have an election, government-observed ballot style. Reaction from SEIU and students: It’s gotta be a card check system. From there things get more fun with janitors and students going on a hunger strike, undercover UM cops swooping down on students who look like they may want to sit-in someplace, kids booing at classes taught by UM President Donna Shalala, high-profile union and political types like John Edwards making speeches, and student government announcing they just want the whole thing to end so they can get their degrees without feeling guilty about eating a sandwich. When all was said and done, Unicco agreed to a supervised card check election. SEIU was happy, until it found out 20 students might be thrown out of UM for sticking up for the working man. Will there be future protests? As journalists tired of covering statue unveilings of George Merrick in the Gables, we can honestly say this: God we hope so. Best
Boogeyman What makes Stanley Whitman such a lovable villain is he looks like he could be your grandfather. A proud founder of the Village of Bal Harbour, Whitman took a look at all the development going on around his ritzy and classy mall, the famous Bal Harbour Shops; smiled, and put in an application to expand his operation. Unfortunately, his plans to add another 150,000 square feet of “general tenant space” and a 90,000-square-foot tenant store on Bal Bay Drive means he would have to rip down Bal Harbour Village Hall and the Church-by-the-Sea. And his other scheme of adding a 190-room hotel and 1,700-seat theater have not only spooked neighbors, who fear the additional traffic, but also the state’s Department of Community Affairs, which is not too sure about Whitman’s story that his construction plans won’t have a major impact on the village. Sensing a way to torpedo Whitman’s super-sizing scheme, activists tried to persuade the Bal Harbour Village Council to tell the state their worries about all the traffic and congestion a Super Bal Harbour Shops would cause. When the activists had finished, Whitman gave the audience a history of Bal Harbour, relating how he “brought you water” as a member of the county water and sewer board in the 1970s and how he would never hurt his neighbors. Besides, said Whitman, he can’t make the village sell its center of government nor the church sell its property, no matter how he tries. Swayed by his grandfatherliness, the council opted to stay neutral. “Let the man dream,” said Mayor Sy Roth. Meanwhile, Bal Harbourites and neighboring residents continue to dream as well—that Bal Harbour Shops stay the way they are. Best
Law Passed by the citizens of both Miami Beach and Surfside in separate referendums held in March 2004, the law effectively froze future density to that year’s level. Prior to the votes, a property owner or developer only needed a five-sevenths vote from an elected government to get a desired upzoning (except for along the waterfront in Miami Beach, where a similar charter amendment has existed since 1997). Of course, granting such a request would probably have been political suicide given that the greater Miami Beach area is already considered overdeveloped. However, the charter amendment is a nice way for both municipalities to preempt such requests in the future. And, given that the courts have not overturned either law, it shows municipal governments need not fear legal threats from developers when it comes to controlling their own zoning. Best
Lawsuit Reminds you of Spy vs. Spy, doesn’t it? You know, the Mad Magazine comic strip where one pointy-nosed spy wearing a white outfit tries to kill off or steal from another pointy- nosed spy wearing a black outfit—and vice versa. Actually, the two organizations listed above are rival political action committees. Citizens for Reform wants the Miami-Dade County mayor (in this case Carlos Alvarez) to be a strong mayor with the power to hire and fire the county manager and department heads. Citizens for Open Government thinks this is a power grab against the County Commission and wants to stop it cold. Like all good lawsuits, the courts have made different rulings on the issue. A circuit court judge declared the question unconstitutional, thereby preventing a special election to decide the mayor’s role. Then an appellate court, after fixing some language problems, decided the question was A-OK to be on a ballot. When we last checked, Citizens for Open Government had appealed the decision, asking the appellate court to take another look. If that doesn’t happen, Citizens for Open Government will take it to the Florida Supreme Court. The real fun will be if Citizens for Reform (the strong mayor guys—keep up reader!) emerges victorious in the courts and on the ballot. According to prevailing wisdom, that would mean another election—for who gets to be the strong mayor. Carlos Alvarez, you see, was elected as an “executive mayor.” Such an event would surely create a flurry of activity among the local political class. In the end, will we achieve good government? Probably not, but at least the pending contests will help our local political consultants in the economic sense. We can already hear the panting. Another observation: Citizen vs. Citizen would make for a good comic strip. We got first dibs on the idea. Best
Community Crusade It’s no surprise that the residents who have kept developers on their toes, saved tree after tree and even come to the rescue of Miami’s disappearing parks are responsible for the best community crusade this year. And if Groveites have kept the chambers packed and developers groaning over the smaller things, it’s nothing compared to what Home Depot has endured since setting its sights on the Grove nearly two years ago. Fighting the Depot with dollars, residents united under the Grove First banner have printed T-shirts, placed signs in their front yards and hired their own attorney, Tucker Gibbs, to fight the advances of the hardware giant. They even have a movie, Don’t Box Me In, featuring none other than City Commissioner Tomas Regalado, who’s not so happy with the Home Depot in his ‘hood on SW Eighth Street. With a campaign rivaling that of the best PR firm in the city, Grove residents have accomplished the impossible by getting the city’s zoning board to appeal the retailer’s special permit, and, with Home Depot and gang headed to the commission for their own appeal, one can only expect the crusade to continue. Best
Places to Appreciate Imagine managing more than 1,200 acres where roughly half are environmentally sensitive or threatened natural areas requiring protection and conservation. Sounds like a pretty rough job, right? Well, Miami-Dade Parks has it covered, maintaining and programming more than 250 parks, recreation facilities and greenway areas. Three-time winner of the National Gold Medal for Excellence in Park and Recreation Administration, the Miami-Dade park system deserves its honors, touching approximately 25 million people per year. With 15 county pools, seven multi-court tennis centers, six full-service marinas and more than 175 ball fields, it’s no wonder people keep coming back. Hosting camping, nature studies, arts and crafts classes, agricultural and archaeological excursions, outdoors concerts, horse shows and more, Miami-Dade Parks offer something for everyone! Phone: 305-755-7800. Web site: www.miamidade.gov/parks/home.asp. Best
Buzz Kill Since the 1950s, it’s been there like a trusted friend—the 63rd Street flyover. Yet even though it served commuters driving through increasingly gridlocked roads, the Miami Beach City Commission-majority opted to knock it down, using as an excuse the tendency of trucks to get stuck underneath the low overpass. Unfortunately, the flyover’s end comes at a time when FDOT is happily creating logjams across the bay on Biscayne Boulevard. That kind of woke up all seven elected Beach officials into pressuring FDOT to make life a little bit more bearable for those commuting to and from Miami Beach. Will those FDOT concessions be enough during the 18 months of work required to destroy the flyover and “improve” Indian Creek Drive? Let’s put it this way: If you have to drive through the 63rd Street area, plan on at least an hour-long delay. Best
Dog and Pony, er, Parrot Show Is Watson Island, like, cursed? It ended up not being the future home for the headquarters of the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau. Work to even gain approvals for a future resort hotel took forever. Several local businesses got displaced in the name of economic development. And now, after Miami-Dade County stepped in for the city of Miami and Parrot Jungle Island owner Bern Levine, it seems that Parrot Jungle Island won’t be called Parrot Jungle Island anymore. Levine and his partner Ronald Krongold hope the name “Jungle Island” will attract visitors. That and 1,000 tons of sand and a four-story inflatable water slide. “We’re a lot more than just parrots. … What we’re trying to do is slowly get away from ‘Parrot Jungle’ and get into ‘Jungle Island,’ which is really more descriptive of what we really have,” Krongold told the Miami Herald recently. Unfortunately, there is major doubt that even European tourists will flock in droves to pay $25 to see thousands of caged parrots, mutant lions and a couple of orangutans. Parrot Jungle Island 2003 is a shadow of the former Parrot Jungle of Pinecrest that existed in the 1980s and 1990s. But that didn’t stop the public from picking up the tab. To construct the Watson Island venue, Miami-Dade County applied for a $25 million federal loan on behalf of Miami. Then Parrot Jungle started to miss payments and Miami-Dade County stepped up to the plate. According to a March 16 Herald article, Miami-Dade County has paid $4 million to the feds so far. And although Miami officials promised in 1998 to back up 80 percent of the loan, Miami officials of 2006 have balked at that idea—thus sparking a kind of Texas standoff between the Magic City and the kids at the Stephen P. Clark Center. And all for a bunch of lousy birds. You know, with all the hanging wires, tightropes and whatnot, Parrot Jungle Island/Jungle Island could make a nifty Cirque du Soleil center. Talented contortionists dressed in bright costumes versus domesticated parrots forced to ride bicycles — which show would you pay $25 to see? Best
Neighborhood to Live In OK, it’s a bit nouveau riche in the Gables, and you don’t necessarily relate to those business folk going in and out of Houston’s and Starbucks on Miracle Mile, but admit it – this is a town that actually functions well. Imagine this: There are sidewalks, lush greenery, pretty Mediterranean Revival architecture, very little crime, polite cops (yes it’s true), proper services, and an array of cultural institutions and gastronomic outlets. Plus there still are affordable rentals in the area. On a typical weekend, you could go for a stroll in the neighborhood and perhaps check out the latest show at the Lowe Art Museum, then catch a reading at Books & Books, before having a hearty choucroute dinner at Les Halles. Then finish off the night with a couple of Belgian beers at the Bar. You’ll sleep well after that. Best Up
and Coming Neighborhood The value is seen now: its location close to Miami Beach and downtown Miami, its warehouses, its relatively cheap costs. The value is seen thanks in part to art collectors like the Rubells, Marty Margulies and Tony Goldman who set up galleries here to showcase their collections. Not long after, galleries and art centers like Bernice Steinbaum and Brook Dorsch set up shop. And real estate investors and developers, seeking to enhance the significance of the area, helped support art centers of their own. As a result, Wynwood has become an edgy, happening place — chic yet managing to retain its nighttime grittiness. Unfortunately, such popularity has made living in the still working-class single-family areas of Wynwood more than a little bit nerve-wracking as projects like Midtown Miami rise from the ground. However, the Wynwooders are not pushovers. They are making their voices and worries known. With any luck, the powers that be at Miami City Hall—and maybe real estate investors themselves—will listen and preserve Wynwood’s past while marching toward the future. Best
Disappearing Neighborhood The area is known by many names: the Black Grove, the West Grove and the West Village. Whatever it’s called, the West Village predates the establishment of Miami itself. West Village was founded in the early 1830s by Bahamian immigrants. You can still see working-class folks and families talking in front of houses and small businesses. They won’t be for long. Rising property values have commenced a bidding war for houses and small apartments as land speculators seek to aggregate enough lots to come before a sympathetic Miami city board for an up-zoning. Already apartments are being ripped down, replaced by empty lots with signs advertising future trendy lofts. For those rentals that remain, rents are on their way up, up, up as landlords cope with rising property costs and, perhaps, seek to capitalize on gentrification going on elsewhere. Meanwhile, proposals to bring affordable housing to the area threaten the low-scale character of the area. In short: West Village will soon become indistinguishable from the rest of Coconut Grove. And Coconut Grove? Well, no matter how much Grovers seek to protect their trees, that region will soon be indistinguishable from the rest of Miami also. Best
Crowd Magnet For whatever reason, Art Deco Weekend on Ocean Drive, the main fundraiser for the Miami Design Preservation League, has been cursed in recent years with thunderstorms and high winds. This past January, hard rain fell the first day; high winds strong enough to shake trees and knock down displays whipped through on the second day, but on the third day — a Sunday — the weather cleared and the patience of the weekend’s attendees, all 325,000, was rewarded. They got to see fun street acts, eat the classic greasy snacks loved at fairs (caterer Barton G did not oversee the food venders this year) and look at some fun trinkets. During the rough weather, MDPL staffers and volunteers rushed to assist venders any way they could. And the crowds? They kept coming, even as the wind rocked things. “This event exposed my work to a lot of people, and wind is nobody’s fault,” artist and vendor Tony Mendoza told the SunPost. Best
Natural View Maybe we should reword this “Best Unnatural View.” Government Cut didn’t exist until the early 20th century, when Henry Flagler used his amazing lobbying powers to get the feds to do some dredging. Nearly a century later, though, visitors can behold this monument to federal pork spending when they visit South Pointe Park, and witness the beauty this body of water has to offer when the sun or moon hits it just right, as well as the awesome spectacle of cruise ships and the rich people’s paradise of Fisher Island. And soon Government Cut gazers will get to see a giant white marble iceberg—a testimony to the natural or unnatural wonders (depending on who you ask) by artist Inigo Manglano-Ovalle. For those who really want an uninterrupted view of natural wonders, walk east along Government Cut toward the South Pointe fishing pier. Then just keep on walking. Stare out and absorb the Atlantic Ocean. Best
Swimming Pool Thanks to global warming, the ocean is quite comfortable in the spring and summer months and it isn’t always freezing cold in the wintertime. So forget about those artificial watery bodies filled with chlorine. Enjoy the one benefit of the greenhouse effect prior to a hurricane barreling down on top of us. Best part: It can be found all along Florida’s 1,350 miles of coastline, so there’s plenty of room for everyone! Of course, there aren’t lifeguards on all 1,350 miles of coastline. Heck, there aren’t even towers in large segments of Miami Beach. But, hey, life isn’t without risks, right? Best
Dog Park The city of Aventura’s only off-leash facility, established just two years ago, is understandably a very popular place for pooches and their owners, as most of the city’s inhabitants live in condos with no yards to speak of. In fact, the park is so popular that pet owners must have a valid city ID card (available for free from the community recreation center) to access it. Almost an acre, Veterans Pet Park has benches for humans, a large off-leash area and ample parking. There are flowing water fountains for the dogs, exercise equipment and waste dispenser stations. The park even features a hose for those who want to give their pets a quick bath before going home. But what really sets this bark park apart is its canine spirit. The park throws an annual Halloween costume party for its four-pawed patrons. In its first year, about 400 participants showed up, an Aventura spokesperson said. Last year, Hurricane Wilma created a scare of another kind and the party was canceled, but the dog park has since recovered from the damage and the party is back on. Just don’t tell Spuds McKenzie – what an animal. Location: 18375 NE 31st Ave., Aventura. Phone: 305-466-8932. Best
Park Yeah, we know that park activists are saying that there aren’t enough green spaces in Miami but hey, we still have to give props to those there are. This year’s award goes to Kennedy Park, where you can unleash your little ones. Oh, and let the kids run free, too. This 29-acre park has the works: pathways for biking and rollerblading, expansive fields for those hard-core Frisbee tournaments and gorgeous Biscayne Bay views perfect for picnics. Did we mention volleyball courts and exercise stations? Open daily from dawn to dusk. Location: 2400 S. Bayshore Drive, Miami Phone: 305-575-5256. Best
Beach When we say North Beach, we mean specifically the stretch in front of Collins between 75th Street and 81st (starting a few blocks south of the soon-to-be-revitalized North Shore Open Space Park, which runs from 79th to 86th streets). This semi-unspoiled plot of paradise is nowhere near as crowded as its neighbors to the north and south. Sea oats still grow beachside and the water is a turquoise hue usually native to the Caribbean. The best part about it is that there are no high-rises behind it to block out the rays at 5 o’clock. Part of the beach is behind a picturesque, barbecue-friendly, park and the other part is located in front of one and two story houses (for now). An insider tip: Park two or three blocks west in the free residential area and you won’t even need to scrounge around for meter money. Location: The sand between 75th and 81st streets and Collins Avenue. Best
Tennis Courts Miami-Dade County has almost 600 public tennis courts, so you can find a place to smack that little yellow ball around in just about any neighborhood. Between the courts with grass and weeds growing up through big cracks in their surfaces, and the ones kept pristinely groomed for the professionals (like Crandon Park, which we gave this award to last year), there’s a vastly open field of choice, where the tipping point really comes down to the neighborhood — which is how we came to our choice this year. About two years ago, the North Shore Park and Youth Center held the grand opening for its new $7.7 million, 17.2-acre facility. One of its fabulous features is its tennis center, which offers hourly play, group and private lessons, and a summer tennis camp (with surfing!) for youth ages 4 to 18. The tennis building has bathroom facilities with showers and locker rooms. All 10 clay “hydro” courts and two hard courts are essentially brand new. High-quality lighting helps keep those tough games going into the night. Beach residents pay $4 per person per hour. The adult clinic is 10:30-noon Saturdays for $20, and tennis pro Bache Raphael gives private lessons for $50 an hour. Location: 501 72nd St., Miami Beach. Phone (Parks and Recreation): 305-673-7730. Runner-Up: Morningside Park Morningside Park’s seven newly resurfaced hard courts may not have an ocean breeze. But they do have a youth tennis program and tennis camp for this increasingly active neighborhood. Adult Miami residents pay only $2 per hour per person for court time. And, oh yeah, they have a pretty nice bay breeze. Location: 750 NE 55th Terrace, Miami. Phone: 305-754-1242 Best
Place to Rollerblade Sure, there are smoother, wider surfaces to glide on, but this is one of the prettiest little parks we’ve encountered in Miami Beach. And it’s usually pretty darn empty. Jutting right up against Biscayne Bay and nestled next to the pretty white bridges that lead to the Venetian Causeway, the park features a decent-size loop path that rolls by a tot lot, picnic benches and a Coast Guard station. With shade trees and the bay breeze, what more could a skater girl or guy want? Except perhaps a martini and a steak afterward at Joe Allen restaurant, directly across the street. Finding the park just a mild warmup? Take your bad self west, right over the adjacent Venetian Causeway for a proper wheeled workout. But we like it just fine here. After all, what could be more fitting than to strap on skates and an iPod in a place dedicated to one of the Brothers Gibb, the team that wrote just about every roller rink anthem imaginable? Location: Purdy Avenue (Sunset Harbour Drive) and 18th Street, Miami Beach. Best
Place to Walk or Jog Like jogging on the beach, on the boardwalk, along Venetian or by the side of the road? Hey, that’s fine. Just be aware people are looking at you. They are. They are checking you out, watching you sweat and pant, taking mental notes, maybe even laughing inside. And jogging means having to deal with uneven roads, rain, insects, muggers. Take our advice and either invest in a home treadmill or join a gym. You have a nice even plane or incline, depending on how you set the machine. You control the pace and environment. You are protected from the elements that we humans, on a subconscious level, hate. The best part: You are surrounded by fellow sweating people who could not care less about how you look while you exert yourself. Best
Rowing Center Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down…Rowing is a fun experience available at our local shores. At Ronald W. Shane Water Sports Center, you can rent a boat and take rowing classes with a friend or by yourself. After taking classes, you can become a member of the Miami Beach Rowing Club and regularly enjoy this exciting sport. Location: 6500 Indian Creek Drive, Miami Beach. Phone: 305- 861 8876. Best
Way to Relax We are all tired of the endless traffic jams on I-95 and stressful work schedules. Some people resort to drinking, drugs or fights with their partners. However, there are more healthful options, like yoga classes, or taking a stroll at the Miami Beach Botanical Garden. Wandering among the beautiful exotic plants is very therapeutic – and it’s free. Stop paying your therapist $90 an hour, and take a friend for a walk through the rich collection of subtropical palms and plants. It is an ideal place for corporate meetings, spiritual retreats and social events. MBBG also offers gardening workshops, another creative way to relax. Plus there’s a new addition: The Avant Garden: African-American Slave Garden. Location: 2000 Convention Center Drive, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-673-7256 Best
Afternoon With the Kids Kids grow up quickly these days. And as they say, if you can’t beat ‘em (not the kids but the circumstances), join ‘em. Might as well get your little capitalists on the right track. At least at Wannado City, the grown-up things your kids will be doing won’t send you into counseling. This city within a city is a simulated world where kids get a sense of adulthood, hopefully minus the heart palpitations and plummeting sense of despair that goes along with it, by getting a “bank account” and then setting out to learn about and participate in a variety of professions, from ER doctor (there’s even a faux blood bank) to pilot or newscaster. They have “role-playing performers” dressed for the part and staffing the various professional scenarios to help kids out and answer questions (at least someone’s taking “no child left behind” seriously). Best part is adults don’t participate. It’s all for the “kidizens.” So you can observe from a safe distance or just chill out with a cup of joe while your toddler performs his first laparoscopy. Sure, it’s expensive to get in (up to $30 per tyke), but so is being unprepared for life or, worse still, letting your childhood dreams wither (plus Florida residents get a discount with valid ID). Location: 12801 Sunrise Blvd., Anchor D, Sunrise. Phone: 1-888-WANNADO. Best
Half-Day Trip If you need a small getaway from Miami-Dade’s chaotic pace, look no further than just over the county border and a world away: downtown Hollywood. Named “Vintage South Florida,” downtown Hollywood’s six-block parameter is made up of quaint sidewalk cafes, brick-lined walks, unique boutiques and shops, art galleries, street markets and dozens of restaurants. There’s art, culture and entertainment; you can test your skills at the shuffleboard courts; or simply sit back and relax in cool, tree-shaded Young Circle Park. If shopping is your forte, enjoy a collection of stores from specialty, eyewear, food, fashion, and hobbies. Then, when the sun sets and you want to let your wild side out, downtown Hollywood offers restaurants of Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Thai, health and sushi persuasions. Phone: 954-921-3016, ext. 19. Web site: www.downtownhollywood.com. Best
Day Trip Into the Hereafter It’s been a particularly hellish week and your persistent cries of “Oh, Father!” have gone wholly unanswered. But have faith. We’ve got the answer to your prayers. Just hop in your gas-guzzling speed demon and drive about an hour and a half northwest of this god-forsaken city to Ave Maria. Oh, it’s not much to look at now, but soon, soon. Because – holy development, Batman! – the billion-dollar sale of his Domino’s pizza chain almost a decade ago left devout Catholic Tom Monaghan with a bit more than pocket change to toss into the collection plate. Zeroing in on some former vegetable farms bordering the Everglades, the Times Online reported in February, Monaghan is building the first Catholicism-based U.S. town. The town is to be strictly Catholic – maybe not quite Mel Gibson strict, but strict. No abortions, no porn, no contraceptives. A 100-foot-tall oratory (that residents will not be allowed to view as a phallic symbol – just kidding) and a Catholic University are also to be built there. Sure, the ACLU is challenging the town’s right to ban pharmacies in town from selling condoms and the pill, but, according to the Times, Gov. Jeb Bush gave it his blessing by attending the groundbreaking for Ave Maria’s university earlier this year. We hear a movie is already in the works, with Kevin Bacon to star…. Best
Golf Course The pretty flower buds were just the icing on the recent $10 million renovation that’s being billed as a “golf revival” at the course Miami Beach founding father Carl Fisher opened in 1923 as the Bayshore Golf Course. According to the Miami Beach Golf Club’s Web site, www.miamibeachgolfclub.com, “The face-lift was major: every blade of grass and most trees removed; lakes drained, redesigned and refilled; irrigation system replaced, even hills and bunkers bulldozed and resculpted.” Even the old clubhouse was razed to make way for a new one. “The result is a beautifully restored landmark that will be enjoyed by South Florida residents and visitors from around the world for years to come,” said Jorge Gonzales, Miami Beach city manager. So, my golfing sisters and brothers, raise those nine-irons to the sky and testify at this 18-hole heaven on earth, but watch out for the lightning. Rates range from $90 to $185. Location: 2301 Alton Road, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-532-3350. Best
Escape As summer bakes the increasing amount of concrete and asphalt here in Miami-Dade County, it can be hard to imagine this region as a lush subtropical jungle filled with birds, alligators, panthers and all manner of botanical species. That is, unless you’re having a fever dream. Or you decide to stop off at The Kampong. Literally on the edge of Biscayne Bay in Coconut Grove, The Kampong is the former home of noted plant explorer David Fairchild, who transported specimens here from around the world in the early 1900s. Today, The Kampong remains a repository for flowering trees, tropical fruit cultivars and, to put it more simply, nature. Catherine Hauberg Sweeney bought the property from the Fairchilds in the 1960s, and then eventually donated it to the National Tropical Botanical Garden to continue its horticultural work and ensure its preservation. Headed for the past three decades or so by Larry Schokman, who still gives tours of the grounds, the site is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. But even a magical garden like this cannot shield one from the outside world forever. “We are surrounded by a concrete jungle. We are living in the Sunshine State but we’re not using sunshine. It makes no sense,” Schokman told the SunPost after Hurricane Katrina damaged the grounds. “Look at the climate. We have torrential floods, the coldest winter ever, then the hottest summer ever. We have to change. … We’re selling our own souls. … We might not be able to control the rain forest in the Amazon or in Southeast Asia, but we surely can control what happens to a tree in our immediate neighborhood.” The Kampong is open weekdays by appointment. Admission fee for adults is $10. Location: 4013 Douglas Road, Miami. Phone: 305-442-7169. Best
Dose of Reality “Hospital” is something of a misnomer when referring to Jackson Memorial Hospital, or rather Jackson Health System. It is more like a self-contained, medically oriented microcosm that, much like the population it serves, has grown immensely over the last several decades. From this busy hub one can watch the anachronistic Metrorail clack by, see prisoners escorted in shackles to their doctor appointments, watch a waiting room fill with the suffering, and encounter a helicopter landing on the roof of the Ryder Trauma Center. On or near the dense campus is the University of Miami Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center, the VA hospital, Cedars Medical Center, Bascom Palmer Eye Institute, the Miami Project to Cure Paralysis, the Mailman Center for Child Development, not to mention a good-size McDonald’s (the fast food joint). Now the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine wants to build a $450 million, 14-story hospital plus medical facility on NW 14th Street on the Jackson Memorial campus. And the people-watching is great. There’s probably no better place in the city, perhaps the county, to get a true sense of the enormity and diversity of Miami, not to mention the level of critical care its residents receive. Location: 1611 NW 12th Ave., Miami. Phone: 305-585-1111. Best
Place to Meet a Single Woman This pure perfume oil shop attracts the following: couples, men in search of a gift for their mother or significant other, and women drawn by the pretty formulas in the window and the lure of smelling nice. Many of the latter are unattached souls in need of conversation and nice scented oils. Often they can be seen asking for samples of oil of Obsession, Rain or Arabian Sandalwood. Here is the move: Go in and ask the customer which scent she likes. Tell her you are buying a gift for your aunt, your mother or whatever. Get her talking. Then mention if she isn’t doing anything later, you will be at—well, name a nearby bar (see Best of Nightlife). Give her your number. Chances are she’ll give you a call and, if things go really well, you know where to buy her a gift. Location: 612 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-535-0037. Best
Place to Meet a Single Man When an octogenarian neighbor says he’s going to introduce you to some nice Jewish boys, the last thing on your mind is Gamblers Anonymous. But, he assures, “They make the best husbands.” A gambler husband? They can be fun. Until you find that your joint account has been emptied. But, maybe he’s got a point. After all, isn’t love the biggest gamble of them all? And there was that brief period when we found Kenny Rogers kind of cute. Our e-mailed attempt to find out the odds on single men at these meetings was met with the following terse but polite reply: “I’m sorry, but we do not have any statistics. The attendance at each meeting, on any given night, is different and not necessarily representative of any other meeting. Sincerely, Gamblers Anonymous International Service Office.” Still, statistics be damned. Chances are if a guy’s had major problems with the ponies, either his wife bolted or he was too obsessed with the sport to find one. So now he’s probably legitimately available, and recovering, which is more than we can say for most men these days. According to www.gamblersanonymous.org, one can try her luck Sunday evenings in Sunny Isles, Saturday mornings in Miami Springs, Friday nights in Boca, Thursdays in Kendall, Wednesdays in North Miami Beach, Tuesdays in Miami Shores and Mondays in Fort Lauderdale. Family and friends (and potential girlfriends?) of recovering compulsive gamblers are allowed only at open meetings. Of course, even if things do go well, separate bank accounts are a must. Runner-Up: Just throw a rock. There are lots of lonely guys out there, prowling around with their hearts on their sleeves. Best
Place to Heal a Struggling Relationship Once upon a time the Abbey was a great place for guys to hang out. Now plenty of couples go regularly in search of owner Ray’s concoctions like the famous Indian Pale Ale or the mind-killing Abbey Bock. In short, the Abbey makes a nice, intimate neutral ground for a couple struggling to hold it together. The truth will really come out after a few rounds of Indian Pale Ale. And if the two of you can handle the truth, head over to the dart board and see if you can even hit it with the sharp-pointed objects after eight or ten pints. Location: 1115 16th St., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-538-8110. Runner-Up: Cornerstone Experimental Art Not into drinking? Perhaps you and your estranged soul mate have a love for the artistic and a hunger for positive vibes. The key to romantic salvation might rest among the warehouses of Wynwood where Cornerstone Experimental Art stands. Within an intimate space, local performers and artists just hang at night, Wednesday through Saturday. The best part about Cornerstone is its inviting atmosphere, and patrons, for a donation of a mere $3, can watch Miami’s best singers, songwriters and musicians spontaneously jam. To find the perfect night, log on to www.cornerstonemiami.com. But a word of advice: Leave the arguments for another locale if you can. If you can’t, save Cornerstone for another time. Or, better yet, declare your relationship DOA, go by yourself and make artistic friends. Location: 2013 N. Miami Ave., Miami. Phone: 786-426-9642. Best
Way to Heal a Struggling Relationship With over 60 years of experience, Carroll’s Jewelers brings a true variety of merchandise to South Florida. As far as jewelry goes, they have you covered in the “I’m sorry” department. They sell fine jewelry from Simon G., Hidalgo and Barry Kronin, estate jewelry, preowned jewelry, diamonds and watches. They have Rolexes and even Miami-styled, Art Deco, platinum rings. Yet, if they do not have exactly what you are looking for, they can custom make a piece for you with their talented diamond setters, goldsmiths and silversmiths on hand (which could buy you a bit more time to make things right). In addition, they can polish and restore old family treasures (“MEM-ries, light the corners of my mind”) that have been lying around for years. As for gifts, they are stocked with crystal, silver and china, perfect for any wedding (not to mention any attempts to divert divorce). Location: 365 Miracle Mile, Coral Gables Phone: 305-446-1611 Best
Place for a First Date Firsts can go two ways: Either they are good and you wanna do another one or they completely suck and you can’t wait ‘til the night is over. Solution: the once-a-month sushi rolling classes at Doraku Sushi on Lincoln Road. If you like your date, the two-hour class is perfect for breaking the ice without engaging in the same trite conversation about where you went to school, yadda yadda yadda. If you end up hating your date you can ignore him/her by striking up conversations with other classmates or Chef Hiro Terada himself. Plus at $40 per person it’s relatively cheap, even if you don’t go Dutch. The classes are held the first Wednesdays of the month at 7 p.m. Location: 1104 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach Phone: 305-695-8383 Best
Place for Spontaneous Intimacy What could be more romantic than pulling your date into the antique British phone booth off Lincoln Road for a discreet PDA session after a quiet night of hand-holding, window shopping and dinner? Nothing. Not unless you get off on the smell of rotting garbage and an audience of stray cats. In that case, there are plenty of alleys for a quick make-out session. But for those who want a second date or are trying to avoid what promises to be a painful break-up, the tight quarters and European quaintness of the booth are ideal for stolen kisses. SunPost general warning: Best results achieved when (a) your partner is actually willing to share saliva and (b) no one is currently using the telephone (one of the few on the Beach that actually works). Location: Michigan Avenue at the corner of Lincoln Road. Best
Place for Not-So-Spontaneous Intimacy What better classy way to persuade your date into trying “something different” than to surround them with sensual art? After dinner and wine, invite your special one to the World Erotic Art Museum, located in the fashionable Art Deco district. All those liberal art lovers and curious visitors can appreciate the largest collection of erotic art in the world — over 4,000 pieces. And we thought Floridians were conservatives. For only $15 per person, you can learn and get some inspiration from the art, sculptures, tapestry and artifacts on everyone’s favorite topic…sex. Open daily 11 a.m. to midnight. Location: 1205 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-532-9336. Web site: www.weam.com. Best
Place to Take an Out-of-Towner This hidden treasure offers the chic bustle of the beach without the hassles. With lights strewn throughout, Española Way has the warm, cozy feel of a Spanish village. Once here, you can catch artsy movies at Miami Beach Cinematheque, have dinner or tango classes at Tapas y Tintos or go shopping at Debbie Katz and all the other stores on the Way. Have a “bowl” of coffee at A la Folie. Bet you didn’t know there are art galleries nestled here, too. Check out the Pierre Marcel Gallery and the Española Way Art Center featuring several resident artists. On the weekends, the street fills with the Española Way Weekend Festival, featuring Latin American handmade goodies. The festival begins on Friday, from 6 p.m. to midnight, and runs through Sunday. And yes, this happens every weekend. Location: Between 14th Place and 15th Street, from Meridian to Collins Avenue. Best
Depiction of a Dynamic Duo How did they do it? How did two otherwise mild-mannered graduate students in Barry University’s physician assistant program pull off the astonishing feats reported by David Ovalle in the Miami Herald on April 7, 2006? The first two sentences alone pack enough sordid action to fill a 1950s potboiler: “Last fall, two Barry University graduate students coaxed a teenage runaway from a drug-induced stay with homeless men on South Beach. Moments later, they helped save a man who was lying bleeding in the street.” Moments later? And not a moment to spare, for no sooner had the dynamic duo deposited the teen safely at the Miami Beach homeless outreach program office, than they came upon the bleeding man at Washington Avenue and 15th Street and promptly checked his pulse. What happened to the aforementioned homeless men? Not clear. But even if the students’ actions were not quite as super-heroic as Ovalle’s article suggests, Carlisa Doria and Jessica O’Brien deserve kudos for caring enough to help those in need. Best
Weekend to Miss After the 800-plus arrests last month during Memorial Day Weekend, who wants to be on the Beach? There’s gridlock all the way to the MacArthur, parking is even worse than during that damn Boat Show weekend in February, and there are throngs and throngs of people trying to squeeze themselves into just one club. Better to just stay home and catch up on those much-needed zzzzs. Oh yeah, and nine years out of 10, it rains torrentially. Best
Event for Locals Held early in the year (always on President’s Day weekend) when the weather is still bearable, this 43-year-old three-day festival is famous among art aficionados but also boasts lots of foodie-oriented demonstrations and seminars. In addition to showcasing the works of artists from all over the country, the festival features live music from rock to jazz, and a children’s area where they can get all artsy just like their parents. The locals just love it. Each year about 150,000 people flock to the event. And, after all these years, the entrance is just $5. Location: McFarlane Road, South Bayshore Drive and Pan American Drive in Coconut Grove. Phone: 305-447-0401. Best
Anticipated Event It is rare in such a diverse city for one single event to draw all sorts of crowds. But in this case, Winter Music Conference must take the cake. Hotels love it, of course, because rooms get booked, like, weeks before the event happens. Every club in town plans at least one event around it. Even the underage crowd looks forward to it on account of the under 21-friendly Ultra Music Festival and Global Gathering. People from all over the world head here for all things music. For you who think WMC and its offshoot happenings are for the 24- to 30-year-old sector, are you wrong. The 30- to 40-year-olds like it, too, especially WMC veterans who have been attending since the event’s inception in 1984. From rappers to electronica gods like Paul Oakenfold and Paul van Dyk, they are all here for that last week of March. Web site: www.wmcon.com. Best
Hotel Situated in South Beach’s Art Deco District, the gorgeous and serene Setai hotel conjures the Art Deco style of another place, that of Shanghai, China. Hotelier Adrian Zecha of General Hotel Management created this oceanfront resort amid tropical gardens and shimmering pools with only 75 guest rooms and 50 suites. Just next to the hotel is the 40-story glass tower of The Setai Residences, also developed by the New York City-based Setai Group. The much more intimate-scale hotel is a replication of the eight-story Dempsey Vanderbilt, built circa 1936. Updates include in-room tubs for personal spa treatments, “rainfall” showers, flat-screen LCD and plasma TVs, Lavazza espresso coffeemakers, an honor bar and high-speed Internet—all standard in every room. There are also one-, two- and three-bedroom suites from which to choose and for the truly VIP, a 10,000-square-foot penthouse with a rooftop pool and panoramic views of the ocean, beach and Miami skyline. Outfitted in the dark teak wood and silk envisioned by internationally acclaimed designers Jean Michel Gathy of Denniston International and Jaya Pratomo Ibrahim of Jaya & Associates, not to mention a topnotch restaurant, lounge and bar, The Setai has the power to lull visitors into the kind of blissful state only the best home away from home can. But bliss doesn’t come cheap. The nine-month-old Setai operates at a five-star level, which means a studio suite with a city view will run you about $900, while a three-bedroom ocean-view suite goes for as much as $6,000 – yes, that’s per night. Location: 2001 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-520-6000. Best
Art Deco Hotel When a hotel’s pool is dubbed “one of the sexiest pools in America” by Conde Nast Traveler, the rest must be good by default. The Raleigh remains one of the original gangstas of Art Deco (Lawrence Dixon designed it in 1940). And if not for hotelier badass Andre Balazs’ total revamp, it would have probably been slam-dunked into the old memories treasure chest. But what truly makes the Raleigh the best Art Deco Hotel is that time-traveling feeling you get when you walk into its lobby. This place exudes ‘40s glamour and sophistication. According to the Miami-Dade Preservation League’s Scott Timm, most buildings in the Art Deco historic district are rectangular, but the Raleigh’s curved façade really makes it stand out. Location: 1775 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-534-6300. Best
Boutique Hotel If you are a budget-minded traveler who has sophisticated taste yet doesn’t have the means to accommodate that taste, Catalina Hotel & Beach Club is here to rescue you! Imagine this: You arrive in Miami International Airport and get into a free airport shuttle heading toward the sunny beach. Then, you come to the luxurious Catalina Hotel & Beach Club and receive free drinks from 7 to 8 p.m. Before heading out in your best outfit, you receive VIP passes to all South Beach clubs to make your stay on South Beach that much more pleasurable. Location: 1732 Collins Ave., Miami Beach Phone: 305-674-1160 Web site: www.catalinahotel.com. Best
Hotel Casino “Large bathrooms with natural daylight?” Check. “Separate enclosures for the tub and shower?” Check. “Business center with desk/TV unit and a compact stereo system?” Check. What’s that you say? All you need is a “fully stocked mini bar?” Check. Sweeeet. The stay at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel promises you can stay like a rock star (just don’t trash the room). And, off-season or close to it room rates are comparable to other hotels that don’t offer an adult playground Walt himself would be proud of. Pay a visit to Elton John’s sequined feather headdress once inside. But never mind that the casino is a two-football-fields-size museum devoted to the bling of music history and, well, gambling. Their full spa treatment offers a “Chocolate Latte Body Treatment, Anti-aging Champagne Facial,” and a “Chocolate Sensation Pedicure.” And if you’re hungry after all that, try one of the 18 different restaurants on the premises, including your favorite American fare joint – The Hard Rock Café. The brilliant amalgamation of liquor, gambling, rock music and general decadence make this corner of Broward an oasis of family-style debauchery worth the trip on I-95. Besides, where else can you catch the live shows of both The Cars with Blondie AND Gallagher? Location: One Seminole Way, Hollywood. Phone: (Box Office) 954-797-5531; (General Info) 954-797-5555. Best
Hotel Spa Only open since December, André Balazs’ Miami Standard (New York, downtown L.A. and Hollywood in Cali have their own) has already proved it is anything but, as its upside-down logo is meant to convey. If you have a week or even a day to escape this mad, mad, mad world, here’s a place that will sweep your cares away. Our guide there said it has something to do with the hotel being built on a natural island. “You can sense a higher vibration,” he proferred. And he just may be right. Situated in the refreshingly renovated but not overly reconstructed digs of the former Lido Spa, holistic service and tranquility are key. From the hospitality symbol on the front door, to the Gyrotonic-equipped gym; outdoor massage area and mud lounge; sky-blue salon presided over by Greek hair goddess Vaso; yoga, movement and meditation studio; ozone-purified (no chlorine!), infinity-edge pool; staff naturopath, homeopathic physician and acupuncturist; earth-friendly beauty products and (very relaxed) shakra of the place — the spa with its multiple treatment rooms, steam and dry heat areas, Chinese baths, water-heated marble surfaces, sound shower with waterfall and skylight, and aromatherapy will make you feel like you’re floating on a higher plane. But while the experience may seem out of this world, the prices and attitude are fairly down to earth. Annual memberships ($1,200 and up) or day rates ($25 and up) for the facilities are available, even if you’re not spending the night (about $300 or so). Location: 40 Island Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-673-1717. Best
Hotel Lobby Jellyfish. The graceful sea creature was the inspiration for the hotel’s interior design. How’s that for lavish? The signature jellyfish tank is illuminated by fiber optics, giving it a surreal appearance. Designer Jacques Garcia’s invigorating redesign was bold and vibrant, dominated by deep, rich colors. Very different from the Minimalist trend currently taking over SoBe hotel lobbies. Sumptuous purple couches in the reception lobby and lime green banquettes in the entrance lobby make Hotel Victor a cut above those other lobbies along Ocean Drive. And, really, those jellyfish are freakin’ cool. Location: 1144 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-428-1234. Best
Hotel Renovation The idea of preserving the motels that still line Miami’s Upper Eastside along Biscayne Boulevard has been discussed before. However, until ex-Hugo Boss boss Eric Silverman bought a circa 1953 motel that only a couple of years ago enticed guests with low room rates and triple-X movies, the idea was never put into practical application. Now the efforts of Silverman and his hired interior designer, Teri D’Amico, are showing locals how a post-World War II renovation might help turn around a neighborhood still infested with drug dealers and prostitutes. Plans include creating a viable pool area, a lounge decorated with pictures of 1950s celebrities (the motel claimed guests like Frank Sinatra in its heyday), a Transit boutique clothing store, a spa and room upgrades worthy of the $129 a night Silverman plans to charge. And, this being a preservation effort, Silverman’s plans incorporate the Vagabond’s more interesting features—such as the famous three-topless-women-in-a-seashell statue. D’Amico, incidentally, is an enthusiast of post-World War II architecture—she even helped coin the phrase Miami Modern, or “MiMo,” several years back in an effort to preserve such projects. Today, there is even a MiMo historic district along Collins Avenue in North Beach. Tomorrow there might be a MiMo district for Biscayne Boulevard. The main catalyst for the district: the renovation of the Vagabond Motel. Location: 7301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Best
Church Resurrection Built nearly 85 years ago in 1921, the Miami Beach Community Church needs a major face-lift, as well as $250,000 in donations towards the surgery. The sculptured parts of the façade are beginning to crack, while the steel bars inside and outside the building have expanded and decayed. The deck leading to the façade is sinking and the foundation is suffering from water damage. Since the church is made up of only 300 members, they are calling on all former members, those baptized or married there, Lincoln Road locals who know the landmark church and anyone else who can help. As its name suggests, the historical church has an impact on the Miami Beach community. Donations for the fund to help restore the Miami Beach Community Church should be sent to Rev. Garth Thompson. Location: 1620 Drexel Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-538-4511. Web site: www.mb-communitychurch.org. Best
Gym for You and Your Preteens M Cycle Gym’s spacious studio offers out-of-the-ordinary classes for adults to get into shape. Classes include body sculpting, boxing, group (personal) training, kalor (Latin, hip-hop and reggae dance), kickboxing, spinning and zumba. However, this gym didn’t forget your preteens’ fitness needs or your parental concerns. Kids ages 11 and up can take their very own fitness class while parents work out on the machines or with weights. Especially for kids, this “boot camp” class will be sure to help your youngsters get in shape and hone their athletic skills. First-time visitors can come by for a free class. Location: 6114 S. Dixie Highway, South Miami. Phone: 305-665-1618. Best
Gym Memberships You get a lot for your money at Miami Shores’ M Power Project Gym. Just by joining members receive free parking, childcare, unlimited aerobic and yoga classes, and discount monthly spinning classes. Right now through July 5 the gym has its anniversary special membership deal, a 13-month plan for only $429. They also offer a seniors’ deal for those age 62 and up: three months for $129, six months for $219 or an annual membership for $379. Not only do members work out, but they also tan right there in the gym’s tanning beds. Location: 9037 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Phone: 305-758-8600. Best
Fitness Equipment Miami Beach Fitness’ welcoming staff, two stories and fitness studio make it a great gym, but its machines and weights separate it from the rest. Its many weights fill the entire first level, and its treadmills, ellipticals, stair-masters and bikes take up the whole second floor. You can really personalize your machine workouts. The ellipticals and the treadmills have built-in TVs with cable. Channels like VH1, MTV, CNN, Food Network, E! and more come in on these mini-TVs. Nice new bathrooms, a fitness shop and personal trainers just add to this personal fitness experience. Location: 17050 Collins Ave., Sunny Isles Beach Phone: 305-947-2582. Best
Personal Makeover In need of a new look? We’re not talking about a new house or car (though that sounds pretty good to us); we mean a new appearance. If you want a new look for your locks, come to the centrally located Franck Provost Salon in Miami Beach. With 400 salons, 3,000 hairstylists and a whole cosmetic academy in his name, Franck Provost knows what he’s doing. The team boasts “the most modern brand luxury styling, enhancing the elegance and beauty of women…” and with countless collections to choose from, including structured, glamour, sexy, natural and romantic, there’s something just for you. You’ll also find a great array of makeup, accessories, a makeover program, extension experts and much more. So trust your future hair endeavors to the professional team at the Franck Provost Salon and become the best new “you” today! Location: 1601 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-534-0393. Web site: www.franckprovost.com. Best
Holistic Wellness Center Iluma really focuses on whole health as opposed to only the aesthetic. Iluma’s Holistic Health Center’s goal is harmony with all aspects of one’s health, and diverse services ranging from acupuncture and herbology to spinal muscle strength training are cutting edge. Anti-aging care, energy-based medicine, advanced spinal decompression, tissue rehabilitation and colon detox round out a most harmonious assortment of treatments. Location: 18205 Biscayne Blvd., #100, Aventura. Phone: 305-792-0007. Web site: www.ilumahealth.com. Best
Personal Trainers Special Forces Fit is “military-approved” personal training. Taught by trained former and active military personnel, these guys really know what they are talking about. Motivating their clients to achieve healthier lifestyles and stronger physical and mental abilities, these military folks make sure their clients fulfill their goals. They teach discipline, motivation and self-awareness to corporate groups and individuals using the same workout routines as the Army Special Forces, Army Rangers, Navy Seals and Marine Force Recons. They want to see results, so all participants have weigh-ins and four-week military physical fitness performance tests. These camouflaged trainers travel all over South Florida’s beaches training small groups or one person at a time. Phone: 786-228-9641. Web site: www.myspace.com/specialforcesfit. Best
New Way to Exercise The disciplines of yoga, Pilates, dance, breath work and more have all contributed to the “Soultree” movement. These pole-dancing holistic exercise classes begin with an integrated warm-up, followed by addressing body alignment, pole technique and then instruction in a progressive series of movements. Unique and increasingly popular, the soultree experience – and trademarked Soultreemotion classes offer a mind-body-soul workout, plus it’s sexy. Classes are eight weeks long and available at many levels. Location: 2031 NE 163rd St., North Miami Beach. Phone: 305-944-1141. Web: www.soultreemotion.com. Best
South Beach Web Company Want to get your message out there? Have a business that needs some more outsourcing? Or just looking to create a personal Web site? Look no further than Alaskan Star Interactive. The base of the crew—the “Eskimos,” as they call themselves—are highly experienced, friendly go-getters who will cater to your Web site wishes. This small, high-end design, data-juggling Web shop treats every project like its very own page. Alaskan Star Interactive specializes in professional, custom Web sites that use multimedia to grab the attention of your audience. Cool treats such as Web cams, flash animation and shopping carts can be added to enhance your site. With 11 years of experience, the shop boasts highly acclaimed clientele including MTV, Nickelodeon, Sony and the U.S. Department of Commerce. So, don’t attempt these Web sites on your own. Leave it to the professionals! Location: 405 Española Way, #204, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-673-8676. Web site: www.alaskanstar.com. Best
Bicycle Service What better way to enjoy the Sunshine State’s sunshine than to get out there and bike your way around town? If the idea seems appealing, just imagine biking around on your own, personal made-for-you wheels. Bike Tech has your bike, with its wide selection for all types of people and uses. Comfort and safety lie in every bike, accommodating your wishes from a softer saddle to a more upright seat. The bikes are assembled by professional bicycle mechanics at the store after the parts have been sent, unlike other stores, which ship bikes whole and thus have the high possibility of a break or tear. Once you find your perfect riding machine, take it for a test drive. After you select, test and buy your new bicycle, a free tune-up is offered (a $30-60 value). We know this gets your wheels turning, so come to Bike Tech and find your ride. Location: 7190 SW 117th Ave., Miami. Phone: 305-598-1930. Web site: www.biketechmiami.com. Best
Face of the State Let’s face it. No one particularly likes to deal with government bureaucracy at any level. Neither do we. That’s why Beach Auto Tag earns this award. Staff works hard to maintain order and to make sure patrons can accomplish what they need to with the least possible hassle. Sometimes this type of interaction can be a bit adversarial – but not at Beach Auto Tag, where being part of the community is not forgotten. Location: 800 71st St., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-868-3277. Web site: www.beachautotag.com. Best
Barbershop Most women are known to appreciate their pampering time to the fullest; however, you never really hear much about men taking time for pampering. Behold, we introduce men to the European-style “Miles and Lyle Experience.” This elegant, upscale establishment offers, as its motto states, “a traditional Old World service for the modern man.” The experience begins when you enter. In the waiting room, you will find overstuffed chairs and couches, a plethora of male-interest magazines, a cappuccino and espresso machine, a flat-screen TV tuned to the channel of your choice, and even a computer with Internet access. If that’s the waiting room, imagine the array of services! Choose from haircuts, straight razor shaves, manicures, pedicures, facials, messages, reflexology, hair coloring, beard and moustache trim, hair removal, shoeshines and tanning. Each service is performed in a private room designed for that specific use. Now picture yourself in one of these specially designed rooms, with a personal flat-screen satellite TV and digital music tuned to your choice of programming, adjusted to the volume you prefer. Men, imagine no longer—get what you have always wanted and deserved! Location: 19044 NE 29th Ave., Aventura. Phone: 305-466-6665. Web site: www.milesandlyle.com. Best
Place to Sweat out Your Impurities Nirvana is a Sanskrit term meaning a place or condition of sublime happiness or fulfillment. Nirvana Spa specialists strive to induce that state in their customers. They offer complete spas, steam rooms, massages, yoga, workout and gym facilities found nowhere else. You can choose from four different steam rooms, including the only all-cedar Russian steam room in America. Enjoy Nirvana’s spa facilities, which include a huge communal Jacuzzi, Swiss showers and a coldwater plunge. This 20,000 square feet of unforgettable paradise awaits you, boasting as its motto, “Nirvana is more than a spa. It’s a state of bliss.” With full-day passes only $28 and a special of $10 off massages, how could you go wrong? Packages and gift certificates are available. Location: 8701 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-867-4850. Web site: www.nirvanaspamiamibeach.com. Best NY
Style Salon on South Beach We’ve all heard New York has the best bagels, but did you know salons like those in New York are also hard to come across outside of the tri-state area? We Miamians are now in luck though, because So Be It! has the ambiance of a New York salon without the Big Apple’s bustling, polluted streets. With five owners from—you guessed it—New York and nine years of experience in the field, they know how to bring the city’s style with them. Offering haircuts starting at $60 and highlighting starting at $100, the quality treatment is worth the price. The salon also offers unisex nail and wax treatments as well as facials and massages for all. With experience at a high and quality a top priority, the miracle-makers at So Be It! salon are sure to please you. Customized packages and gift certificates are available. Location: 1209 17th St., Miami Beach. Phone: 305-535-0035. Web site: www.sobeitmiami.com. Best
International Taste in Hair With reality television documenting the perils and pleasures of hairdressing; with celebrity programming bordering on celebrity stalking; and when even network news anchors have gazillion-dollar hair and makeup budgets, it can be challenging to stay abreast of the hippest and hottest hair trends. One would imagine that the pressure of being an international star only confounds the situation. In steps Miami Beach’s Rocco Donna Salon to assist a spectacular client array of Latin superstars, many of whom schlep to South Florida to visit Rocco and see their hair transformed into a model of the hippest style. Now that’s an endorsement. Location: 101 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-531-3330. Web site: www.roccodonna.com. Best
Salon Teamwork This Biscayne Corridor institution features a full slate of salon services, presided over by owner/founder Gilmar Oliver (who worked for Vidal Sassoon in New York) and has found a loyal following in the Upper Eastside and among regular commuters. Unassuming and friendly, Soma staff work together as a team, taking into account a client’s personal and professional lifestyle, hair color, skin tone and even the way one dresses, to help craft the best possible individualized look. The terrific team approach helps transform one’s vision into a reality. Location: 6901 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Phone: 305-757-7662. Web site: www.somabeautysalon.com. Best
Varieties in Although Skin Institute Day Spa has developed a solid reputation over the past 15 years as “peel experts,” this delightful, inviting day spa offers a variety of both clinical and luxury facials. In addition to traditional European facials, they offer numerous distinctive spa facials. From the East come Chinese herbal facials, Shiatsu massage, and an incredible Green Tea Signature Spa Manicure/Pedicure. Other “Asian inspired” treatments and products are available including Dr. Ana Ragaz’s Chi herbal Infusions line. Skin Institute signature products, used worldwide, are also available at these outlets, including Skin Institute Day Spa. Location: 13499 Biscayne Blvd., North Miami. Phone: 305-371-7435. Web site: www.skininstituteusa.com. Best
Pet Spa Experience What? Should South Florida’s men and women be the only species to enjoy the relaxing and empowering results of a fabulous spa day? That doesn’t seem quite right; nor does it seem that way to many people in town. This explains the popularity and success of Grooming Loft, Miami Beach’s wildly popular VIP pet salon. Your little Cujo-wannabe can get the full salon treatment here from skilled and caring professionals. Isn’t that the least a dedicated human companion could do? Location: 1757 Alton Road, Miami Beach. Phone: 305-531-0155. Web site: www.groomingloft.com. Best |