Dragon Dreck

Also not helping is the fact that it took four screenwriters (more than two is always bad) to craft the script.

Eragon (Ed Speleers) and dragon Saphira  Photo by ILM

By Dan Hudak

A long time ago in a land far, far away, Eragon began production without any ideas to call its own and no sense of pride in what was being created. The result is a movie that feels more familiar than it does new: everything from the costumes, location and sets to the story and characters is blatantly stolen from other, better fantasy movies that were no doubt the inspiration for this pitiful effort.

The story is a cheap rip-off of Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings, with Tolkien-inspired names (Eragon & Aragorn?), sorcery, swordfights and an elvish language but no elves. In the land of Alagaesia, the teenage farmer Eragon (Edward Speleers) happens upon a large blue stone that is coveted by the evil king, Galbatorix (John Malkovich). “I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering,” Galbatorix tells the demonic sorcerer Durza (Robert Carlyle) as he sends him after the stone.

The importance of the stone is unknown to Eragon, even after he learns it’s really an egg that will hatch a baby dragon. After Eragon finds his uncle (Alun Armstrong) murdered he begins to believe the old legends spouted by the sage elder Brom (Jeremy Irons), which say that Dragon Riders once ruled Alagaesia during a time of peace and that one day a new Rider will restore order. Eragon then travels with Brom and the dragon (voiced by Rachel Weisz) to the land of Varden, where a new hope can inspire the rebellious Varden warriors to victory over the Emperor Galbatorix. Along the way they fight off Durza’s Orc-like henchmen and must rescue the beautiful princess, Arya (Sienna Guillory), from danger.

The film was directed Stefen Fangmeier, who made his name as a visual effects supervisor for Twister and The Perfect Storm, among other films. Given his background, one would expect the look of the movie to be its most promising asset, but Fangmeier fails with a lot of murky, unclear visuals and a dragon that’s less impressive than the dinosaurs he helped create in Jurassic Park. Also not helping is the fact that it took four screenwriters (more than two is always bad) to craft the script, causing the dialogue to lack fluidity and consistency.

As for the acting, Malkovich is wasted with only five minutes of screen time and Speleers, in his first screen role, looks just as wide-eyed and overwhelmed as his character. One could say this is part of the role, but the main character is the anchor around which we get involved in the story; if he never gets a sense of direction, neither can we. Only Irons’ attempt to channel his inner Alec Guinness works with any effectiveness, but like Obi-Wan he’s around for too short a time.

The story is based on the novel Eragon by Christopher Paolini, who wrote it as part of his Inheritance trilogy. The second book, Eldest, is currently in development for the big screen, while the third book has yet to be released. Fans of the books may be more agreeable to the hackneyed goings-on than the rest of us, but the movie is so insistently mediocre that it’s doubtful anyone will care.

Comments? E-mail dhudak22@yahoo.com.

Eragon *1/2

Directed by Stefen Fangmeier. Written by Peter Buchman, Lawrence Konner, Mark Rosenthal, Jesse Wigutow (based on Christopher Paolini’s novel). Starring Edward Speleers, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Guillory, Robert Carlyle, John Malkovich. Rated PG.

**** A genuine must-see

***  Entertaining

**   Mediocre but not worthless

*    A wretched waste of time

Also opening in Miami-Dade County this Friday: Charlotte’s Web, Pursuit of Happyness, Rocky Balboa (Wednesday, Dec. 20)

FILM CAPSULES

By Dan Hudak

Apocalypto ***1/2

(Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Raoul Trujillo) As the end of the ancient Mayan civilization draws near, Jaguar Paw (Youngblood) secures his wife (Hernandez) and young son (Carlos Emilio Baez) in a ditch before being captured by a rival tribe and taken to the gods to be sacrificed. This is a hyper-violent and captivating film from director Mel Gibson, who has succeeded in doing what many thought unthinkable: he’s made an action movie that’s also a period piece told in a foreign language, and has done so remarkably well. The film is a truly unique experience that you’ve probably never seen before and will likely never see again.  Rated R.

The Holiday ****

(Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black) Lovelorn career girls Amanda (Diaz) and Iris (Winslet) swap their respective homes in Los Angeles and England for two weeks in the hopes of getting as far away from men as possible. Something magical must have been in the air when they crossed the Atlantic, though, as Amanda is soon infatuated with Iris’ brother Graham (Law) and Iris finds comfort in an aging screenwriter (Eli Wallach) and kind composer (Black). This graceful, funny and warm romantic comedy is the best the genre has offered since “Love Actually” three years ago. The story takes place around Christmas time, and is so elegantly made that even the surliest scrooge is bound to leave the theater with a smile. Rated PG-13.

Blood Diamond ***

(Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly) The greed of the unscrupulous diamond trade in Africa is exposed as a smuggler (DiCaprio), local fisherman (Hounsou) and journalist (Connelly) trek deep into dangerous rebel territory to find a priceless diamond. It’s a bloated epic that mixes action and pathos reasonably well, and in doing so keeps you off-guard and interested. Connelly may be underused, but DiCaprio once again displays his incredible range by ably sporting a South African accent, and Hounsou finds passion and poignancy in a role that could’ve easily been one-dimensional. Rated R.

Turistas (No Stars)

(Josh Duhamel, Melissa George, Olivia Wilde) This vacation-gone-awry gore fest follows young and attractive twenty-somethings lost in the outskirts of Brazil who meet some not-so-nice locals. It’s an average slasher pic for the first hour, but then a gory scene of unthinkable, nausea-inducing discomfort ruins the little the movie had going for it. This is the first movie I’ve ever walked out on because it made me physically ill. Rated R.

The Nativity Story **

(Keisha Castle-Hughes, Oscar Isaac, Shohreh Aghdashloo) This faithful retelling of the birth of Jesus Christ follows Mary (Castle-Hughes) as she’s impregnated by the Holy Spirit and travels with Joseph (Isaac) to a little manger in Bethlehem. The story is given a Sunday school interpretation by director Catherine Hardwicke (“Thirteen”), whose film may appeal to the “Jesus Camp” crowd but offers little to anyone else. Arguably the most important birth in the history of mankind deserves better. Rated PG.

Deck the Halls *

(Matthew Broderick, Danny DeVito, Kristin Davis) Steven Finch’s (Broderick) status as “the Christmas guy” in his small Massachusetts town is challenged by new neighbor Buddy Hall (DeVito), an irrational jerk who’s trying to have his house seen from outer space. An unhealthy and unfunny competition ensues between the two, the likes of which is not even childish enough to be amusing. This is no Surviving Christmas (remember that Ben Affleck bomb?), but it does leave you with a lingering feeling of contempt. Rated PG.

For Your Consideration **

(Catherine O’Hara, Parker Posey, Eugene Levy) As the production of a World War II melodrama entitled “Home for Purim” begins to generate awards buzz, everyone from the ditzy producer (Jennifer Coolidge) to the clueless agent (Levy) is overcome with Oscar hysteria. The film has it moments, but co-writers Levy and Christopher Guest have led their company down much funnier paths (Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show), and never quite find a rhythm here. Anyone with high expectations will be substantially disappointed. Rated PG-13.

Bobby ****

(Martin Sheen, Helen Hunt, Anthony Hopkins) The goings-on at the Ambassador Hotel on June 4, 1968 — the day Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated — is the subject of writer/director Emilio Estevez’s touching and nostalgic look at this era in American history. By focusing on the people and only showing Kennedy’s face through archival footage, Estevez allows the beliefs that Kennedy stood for to resonate with the hope for a peaceful, prosperous America. Rated R.

The Fountain *

(Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz, Ellen Burstyn) From the director of Requiem for a Dream comes a story about eternal love, a mysterious fountain of youth, and a monkey with a brain tumor. Jackman and Weisz play lovers whose bond lasts for more than 1,000 years, but is never a happy one. For the first half hour absolutely nothing makes sense. For the next hour things take a vague shape, but you’ve stopped caring long ago and are just hoping for something interesting to happen. It doesn’t, so for the last six minutes of the 96-minute movie you desperately yearn for the credits to roll and end your misery. Rated PG-13.

Déjà Vu ***1/2

(Denzel Washington, Paula Patton, James Caviezel) After a devastating bomb kills hundreds of innocents on a New Orleans ferry, ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives) agent Doug Carlin (Washington) investigates. With the help of federal agents, his starts by tracing the actions of a dead woman (Patton) prior to the explosion, and becomes smitten with her in the process. He then learns he may be able to travel back in time to save her. Trust me, you’ve never seen a movie like this before. Between director Tony Scott’s thrilling visuals, Washington’s stellar performance and a wonderfully intriguing script by Bill Marsilii and Terry Rossio, this is a very fun movie that’ll keep you guessing. Rated PG-13.

Happy Feet **

(Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Nicole Kidman) Poor, poor Mumble (Wood). Although his parents (Kidman and Hugh Jackman) found one another through song, as all Emperor penguins do, he has a terrible singing voice and is shunned by his peers. Mumble’s musical prowess instead lies in tap dancing, which isn’t acceptable until he meets Ramon (Williams) and his four friends. There’s a little too much ecological concern for a movie that’s ostensibly a silly good time, though some impressive visual sequences and fine voice work make it tolerable. Rated PG.

Casino Royale **1/2

(Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench) On James Bond’s (Craig) first mission, he must stop a banker named Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) from winning a poker tournament that would allow him to continue to finance terrorism all over the world. Craig has re-invented Bond with less charisma and more grittiness, making him more human (and effective) than his predecessors. His success aside, the film is unreasonably long at 144 minutes, and becomes quite tiring to sit through. Rated PG-13.

Fast Food Nation ***1/2

(Greg Kinnear, Bruce Willis, Paul Dano) Director Richard Linklater has taken a fictional twist to Eric Schlosser’s book about the fast food industry, but hasn’t lost any of its zest. The industry is dissected on every level, from the naïve cashier just trying to pay her bills to the illegal immigrants working for below minimum wage in a meat factory to the highly-paid corporate execs and everywhere in between. When the environmental, social and political consequences are thrown in for good measure, we begin to see just how alarming, shocking and, we fear most of all, truthful the film aspires to be. Think of it as Traffic for the fast food industry. Rated R.

Little Children **

(Kate Winslet, Patrick Wilson, Jennifer Connelly) Bored suburban domestics (Winslet and Wilson) are ignited at the thought of a forbidden affair, and resist temptation for as long as they can. Based on the novel by Tom Perrotta, the film has an unnecessary third person narration that distracts from the seemingly innocuous boredom of these people’s lives. Much credit to Winslet and Wilson for taking the daring roles, and for the brave ending, but on the whole the film lacks style and is too slow. Rated R.

Harsh Times **1/2

(Christian Bale, Freddy Rodriguez, Eva Longoria) Former Army Ranger Jim Davis (Bale) and his best friend Mike (Rodriguez) blow off job hunting to drink, smoke weed and chase women. As Jim’s psychotic episodes grow worse and Mike’s girlfriend (Longoria) badgers him to find a job, the friends spiral down a path of destruction and despair. Bale plays Jim with a scary ferocity that’s more unleashed than his disturbed portrayal of Patrick Bateman in “American Psycho.” Writer/director David Ayer’s (writer of Training Day”) film matches this energy, which ironically makes it a little too discomforting to be enjoyed. Rated R.

A Good Year *1/2

(Russell Crowe, Albert Finney, Freddie Highmore) London-based bonds trader Max Skinner (Crowe) inherits his uncle’s (Finney) vineyard in southern France, and unexpectedly falls in love with the place — and a local waitress — upon visiting. It’s hard to believe that Crowe and director Ridley Scott (“Gladiator”) would make such a sappy and hapless picture, but given that seeing is believing, go only if you’re interested in watching very talented artists fail miserably. Rated PG-13.

Babel ***

(Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael García Bernal) Four storylines from different parts of the world intersect in director Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu and writer Guillermo Arriaga’s third collaboration after Amores Perros and 21 Grams. This time the pair don’t reach the same emotional heights, but the film is a triumph of editing and acting, particularly Pitt as a desperate husband and Adriana Barraza as Amelia, Pitt’s babysitter who foolishly takes his two children into Mexico for her son’s wedding. Kudos also go to Rinko Kikuchi as a deaf-mute teenage girl in Japan who wants nothing more than to be accepted. In the end, though, it’s hard to tell where the concurrent happenstance ends and anything meaningful begins. This is a sublime work of art signifying nothing but chance, coincidence and horrible luck. Rated R.

Stranger Than Fiction **

(Will Ferrell, Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson) Harold Crick (Ferrell) is a straight-laced IRS auditor who keeps hearing a strange woman’s voice in his head. For help he turns to a literature professor (Hoffman) who helps him discern that the woman’s voice is that of novelist Karen Eiffel, a reclusive writer who always kills off her leading men. Tension abounds as Harold learns he’s a character in her latest novel and must fight to stay alive. This is an example of a cool idea getting lost in its own cleverness. Sure, it’s fun to watch fiction melded with reality, but given that the movie ostensibly takes place in the real world there’s too much implausibility for it to gel. To his credit, Ferrell is very restrained as the beleaguered Crick, and the dramatic performance shows that he’s capable of more than the silliness of Talladega Nights. Rated PG-13.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ***1/2

(Sacha Baron Cohen, Ken Davitian, Pamela Anderson) A television reporter from Kazakhstan named Borat Sagdiyev (Cohen) tours the U.S. in an effort to learn values and customs that can improve his native country. According to him there are three main problems in Kazakhstan: “economic, social and Jew.” Anti-Semitism is just one of the many offenses Cohen and director Larry Charles (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) commit in this riotously-funny movie. There is no ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation or religious belief at which Borat doesn’t poke at least a little fun, and every time he does it it’s funnier than the last. Rated R.

Running with Scissors ***

(Annette Bening, Alec Baldwin, Joseph Cross) Before the age of 15, Augusten Burroughs (Cross) learns he’s gay, has a legitimately crazy mother (Bening) and alcoholic father (Baldwin), is sexually abused by a 35 year-old man and is sent to live with his mother’s shrink. There’s a strong sense of “this couldn’t possibly happen to one person” as the black comedy plays out, but Cross’ vulnerability as Burroughs keeps us interested enough in the main story while the impressive cast (which also includes Brian Cox, Evan Rachel Wood, Joseph Fiennes, Jill Clayburgh and Gwyneth Paltrow) overacts and entertains. Based on the 2002 bestseller written by Burroughs. Rated R.

Catch a Fire ***

(Derek Luke, Tim Robbins, Bonnie Henna) Set to the backdrop of South African apartheid in the early 1908s, the story follows Patrick Chamusso (Luke) as he’s wrongly accused of a terrorist bombing by Nic Vos (Robbins), a government agent in charge of fighting terrorism. Upset and appalled at the way he’s treated, Chamusso decides to take matters into his own hands, with deadly consequences. Derek Luke gives the performance of his career as Chamusso, and likable and charismatic man whose life is torn apart by apartheid. As for the film, it’s very well made by political thriller aficionado Phillip Noyce (The Quiet American), but fails to find true relevance to the political issues of today. Rated PG-13.

Flags of Our Fathers ***

(Ryan Phillippe, Adam Beach, Jesse Bradford) We’ve all seen the famous photograph of six Marines raising an American flag in Iwo Jima during World War II. This film, based on the book by James Bradley and Ron Powers, depicts what happened to those six men immediately before, during and after the war. This is a relatively large-scale picture for director Clint Eastwood, who usually takes a minimalist approach to his projects. Although he’s done a wonderful job, a jumpy timeline stagnates the otherwise compelling, powerful war drama. Rated R.

The Prestige **

(Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine) After the unfortunate death of his wife (played by Piper Perabo), Robert Angier (Jackman) develops a personal vendetta against fellow magician Alfred Borden (Bale), whom he blames for his wife’s death. This is an interesting premise that has the perfect gloomy atmosphere needed for late 1800s London, but you quickly get the impression that director Christopher Nolan (Memento, Batman Begins) is trying so hard to be clever and unpredictable that he forgot to tell a good story. Rated PG-13.

Marie Antoinette *

(Kirsten Dunst, Jason Schwartzman, Rip Torn) Writer/director Sofia Coppola tells the “good parts” version of the life of Marie Antoinette, who as a teenager in 1768 was sent from her native Austria to France and marries the man who would become King Louis XVI. The sets and costumes are fun, but the film is excruciatingly slow and makes 123 minutes feel like 180. This movie is as bad as Coppola’s performance in The Godfather: Part III. Rated PG-13.

The Grudge 2 *

(Amber Tamblyn, Edison Chen, Sarah Michelle Gellar) Aubrey (Tamblyn) is sent to Tokyo by her crazy mother after learning that her sister Karen (Gellar) has burned down a house. There’s also a subplot involving an unhappy family in Chicago and teenagers in Tokyo, all of whom are inexplicably cursed by the rage of the ominous house. It’s not easy to be as bad as “The Ring Two,” which was one of the worst horror sequels in years, but this movie makes a valiant attempt and nearly succeeds. It’s not scary, shocking or even remotely amusing, unless you count the constant laughter heard at the late-night preview screening I attended. Rated PG-13.

Jesus Camp **

(Becky Fischer, Mike Papantonio) This passionate, alarming documentary directed by Rachel Grady and Heidi Ewing is about the Christian Evangelical movement and the children whose lives will forever by guided by the teachings they’ve been forced to learn before they’re old enough to make decisions for themselves. This is a disjointed, uneven film that includes scenes that are powerfully moving and unintentionally very funny, and will be very difficult for any non-fanatical Christian to bear. Rated PG-13.

Employee of the Month *1/2

(Dane Cook, Jessica Simpson, Dax Shepard) Two rivals (Cook and Shepard) at Super Club, a Costco-esque wholesale store, compete for the affection of the new cashier (Simpson). Cook is the lone saving grace of this woefully unfunny would-be comedy, which tries and pathetically fails to be Office Space in a superstore. The usually reliable Shepard is startlingly negative and unfunny, and Simpson is a vacuous non-entity who barely looks good enough to warrant the attention. Rated PG-13.

The Departed ****

(Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson) Martin Scorsese’s latest follows two moles: one (Damon) is a Mafioso infiltrating the Massachusetts State Police; the other is a cop (DiCaprio) infiltrating the mob. Tension mounts when each is assigned to find the other, and it all leads to a fantastic and unpredictable finale. This is a modern, violent and incredibly entertaining look at the Irish mafia in Boston, told through the eyes of a filmmaker who has once again made one of the best movies of the year. Rated R.

The Guardian ***

(Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Sela Ward) After a traumatic experience during a rescue mission, U.S. Coast Guard Senior Chief Ben Randall (Costner) goes to teach at “A” school, the academy’s training program for rescue swimmers. There he meets Jake Fischer (Kutcher), a high school swimming champion with a lot to learn. Not even the limited acting abilities of Costner and Kutcher can ruin this action-packed and insightful film centered on the Coast Guard. In fact, the two work together quite nicely. Rated PG-13.

All the King’s Men **

(Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet) A populist Southerner named Willie Stark (Penn) rises to the top of Louisiana politics, but is undone by his own desperate struggle to make his unfulfilled promises come true. This is a powerful story of corruption, betrayal and loss, but it lacks the coherence and energy needed to believe any of it actually matters. Based on the Robert Penn Warren Pulitzer Prize-winning novel of the same name, which itself was based on the political career of Louisiana governor Huey P. Long. Rated PG-13.

Jackass Number Two ***

(Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera) Knoxville and friends Steve-O, Bam, Chris, Ryan, etc. return for more heinous and dangerous stunts, most of which are done with the sole intention of amusing or degrading themselves. Here is a movie that is so awesomely juvenile and so primitively idiotic that it doesn’t take long to stop thinking it’s stupid and start laughing right along with the often hysterically funny skits. Rated R.

Half Nelson ***1/2

(Ryan Gosling, Shareeka Epps, Anthony Mackie) An eighth-grade history teacher (Gosling) forms an unlikely friendship with one of his students (Epps) after she catches him using drugs. A harrowing film of sadness and despair, highlighted by Gosling’s stellar turn and a remarkably nuanced performance by young Epps. Rated R.

Gridiron Gang **1/2

(Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Xzibit, Jade Yorker) Probation officers (The Rock and Xzibit) at a juvenile detention center turn a group of violence-prone felons into a high school football team. The sports movie genre doesn’t allow for much creativity, and there certainly isn’t any on display here. But the performance of The Rock, combined with the likeability of the kids, makes it bearable. Rated PG-13.

Hollywoodland **

(Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck) Private eye Louis Simo (Brody) investigates the 1959 death of television’s Superman (Affleck). Was it his spurned fiancé, Leonore Lemmon (Robin Tunney)? His lover’s (Diane Lane) husband, MGM Vice President Eddie Mannix (Bob Hoskins)? Or was it indeed a suicide, as concluded by the LAPD? The film doesn’t take quite as much delight in exposing the theories as it should, and therefore is rather flat and lifeless when it needs to be anything but. Rated R.

The Quiet (No Stars)

(Camilla Belle, Elisha Cuthbert, Martin Donovan) The prototypical happy American family is given a facelift with a pill-popping mom (Edie Falco) and a dad (Donovan) who sexually molests his teenage daughter (Cuthbert). Condoned pedophilia is something audiences should never have to endure, and the film is never clever enough to be either a scathing satire or searing indictment of the complacency with which we view the common family. This movie is amoral and unwatchable. Rated R.

Invincible **

(Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks) After the Philadelphia Eagles have one of their worst seasons in franchise history in 1975, new coach Dick Vermeil (Kinnear) holds open tryouts for all comers. Enter Vince Papale (Wahlberg), who only played two years of high school football but shows enough toughness and resolve to make the team. Just about every sports cliché in the book is on display in this Disney movie, which never once has the courage to deviate from formula monotony. Papale’s true story deserves better. Rated PG.

The Illusionist **1/2

(Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel) Renowned illusionist Eisenheim (Norton) falls for his forbidden childhood sweetheart (Biel) and must evade the pesky Chief Inspector Uhl (Giamatti) in early 20th century Vienna. Have no illusions: The story is predictable, and the talented cast registers mediocre performances at best. Still, there is something intrinsically appealing about it, and the magic is fun to watch. Rated PG-13.

Only Human ***1/2

(Guillermo Toledo, Marián Aguilera, María Botto) Disaster strikes when a nice Jewish girl (Aguilera) brings her Palestinian fiancé (Toledo) home to her wacky family in Madrid. This is a delightful little comedy that transcends subtitles and is hilarious from start to finish. See it if you’re in the mood for a great laugh. Rated R.

Little Miss Sunshine ****

(Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin) The dysfunctional Hoover family takes a 700-mile road trip and nearly kills one another (literally and figuratively) along the way. This is one of the smartest, most brutally honest and side-splittingly funny movies in a long, long time, and will undoubtedly appear on many critics’ Top Ten list at the end of the year (it’ll certainly be on mine). Rated R.

World Trade Center ***1/2

(Nicolas Cage, Michael Peña, Maria Bello) The heartrending story of the last two Port Authority Police Officers (Cage and Pena) rescued from the rubble of the World Trade Center Towers on 9/11 comes to life vividly in Oliver Stone’s passionate, moving film. This is a story of great endurance and love overcoming death, and Stone directs with a simple, tactful approach that shows nothing but respect for its subject matter. Rated PG-13.

Barnyard ***

(Voices of Kevin James, Sam Elliott, Andie MacDowell) After his father dies, a young and immature cow named Otis (James) must defend his fellow animals against the evil coyotes that lurk outside the farm’s fences. It may not be as funny as this summer’s Over the Hedge, and yes we’re all getting sick of computer-generated animals, but the movie’s choice selection of pop tunes and its warmth make it fun for kids of all ages. Rated PG.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby ***

(Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Gary Cole) Hotshot NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby (Ferrell) sees his career fall apart when he can’t beat a French Formula One driver named Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen). This is Ferrell’s funniest since Old School and will soon become a comedy classic. Rated PG-13.

The Descent ***

(Shauna Macdonald, Alex Reid, Molly Kayll) Six thrill-seeking female friends become trapped in a cave in the Appalachian Mountains, and then must fight for their survival against the predators that lurk beneath. As well-made as the movie is, it’s also so intense that by the end you’ll want them to get out not for their own sakes, but for yours. Still, those who liked Open Water (2003) and aren’t claustrophobic will enjoy this gothic horror tale. Rated R.

Miami Vice ***1/2

(Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Gong Li) As undercover Miami detectives Crockett (Farrell) and Tubbs (Foxx) infiltrate a South American drug ring. Crockett begins an affair with the drug lord’s girlfriend, Isabella (Li). Writer/director Michael Mann has stripped the city of its glossy, neon-colored sheen and delivered an intense, gloomy character drama that’s a substantial improvement from the ’80s television show. Rated R.

Scoop **

(Scarlett Johansson, Hugh Jackman, Woody Allen) An ambitious college reporter (Johansson) in London gets a once-in-a-lifetime scoop that the wealthy Lord Peter Lyman (Jackman) is the city’s “Tarot Card Killer,” who’s the “biggest story to hit London since Jack the Ripper,” deceased journalist Joe Strombel (Ian McShane) says. Aged magician Sid Waterman (Allen) helps her investigate. If Allen would have had the courtesy to not write his neurotic self into the script, this could’ve been an intriguing mystery. But sadly he does, and undermines the tension by constantly cracking jokes. Rated PG-13.

Clerks II ***

(Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes) The beloved deadbeats (O’Halloran and Anderson) from the 1994 low-budget hit Clerks are back, this time working in a fast-food restaurant called “Mooby’s” and with a newfound fascination for interspecies sex. Writer/director Kevin Smith didn’t have to bring his original foul-mouthed screw-ups back to the big screen, but fans of the original and newcomers will be glad he did, because this is a very funny movie. Rated R.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend **

(Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, Anna Faris) After Matt (Wilson) dumps his girlfriend Jenny (Uma Thurman) because she’s too needy and overbearing, she makes his life absolutely miserable. The trouble is that she’s also a superhero named G-Girl, and never hesitates to use her superpowers against Matt. This is a nice twist on the idea of a superhero’s personal life, but it’s undone by the fact that they don’t become “exes” until an hour into the movie and the laughs just never seem natural. Rated PG-13.

Lady in the Water **

(Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jeffrey Wright) After a lonely superintendent named Cleveland Heep (Giamatti) discovers a mysterious woman (Howard) in the pool area of his apartment complex, he soon learns she’s from another world and is in great danger of not returning alive. The film labors through its first half with very little of interest happening, but then comes alive with an upbeat musical score and genuine intrigue. Rated PG-13.

Monster House ***

(Voices of Steve Buscemi, Jon Heder, Kevin James) Best friends DJ and Chowder discover that their crazy neighbor’s house is actually a living, mean-spirited monster. It may sound scary, but this animated comedy is quite fun and creative, although it’s too intense for the wee little kids. Rated PG.

You, Me and Dupree *1/2

(Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson, Matt Dillon) After losing his apartment, lifelong do-nothing Dupree (Wilson) moves in with his best friend Carl (Dillon) and his wife, Molly (Hudson). This is a boring, by-the-books comedy that doesn’t have one original creative thought and is rarely funny. Rated PG-13.

A Scanner Darkly **

(Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Robert Downey Jr.) Set seven years in the future, an undercover cop (Reeves) loses control of his drug addiction and can no longer tell what’s real and what isn’t. Interestingly, the film was shot and edited in live action by writer/director Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused), and then animated in an effort to provide a truly hyper-surreal experience. While the animation trick may work, the rest of the story never quite comes together. Based on the Philip K. Dick novel. Rated R.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest ***

(Johnny Depp, Bill Nighy, Orlando Bloom) Everyone’s favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp), must save his soul from the malicious Davy Jones (Nighy) in this seafaring continuation of the 2003 hit. It may take a half-hour to begin to make sense, but once it finds it sea legs it’s a swashbucklin’ good time. Yo ho! Rated PG-13.

Wordplay ***

(Will Shortz, Jon Stewart, Bill Clinton) An in-depth look at the almost cult-like world of crossword puzzle gurus, from the origins of the puzzle and how they’re constructed, to the individuals who complete them for fun and in competition. The cast of quirky eccentrics and director Patrick Creadon’s simple, straightforward flow makes it accessible and fun for those who’ve never even tried to finish a crossword puzzle. Rated PG.

The Devil Wears Prada **

(Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Stanley Tucci) An unsuspecting young writer (Hathaway) is completely in over her head when she takes a job as an assistant for Miranda Priestly (Streep), a magazine editor who is the most powerful woman in the fashion industry. Only Streep’s superb performance redeems the bland coming-of-age story, the likes of which should’ve gone out of style years ago. Rated PG-13.

Superman Returns ***

(Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth) The Man of Steel (Routh) returns and once again saves the world from the clutches of the evil Lex Luthor (Spacey), who is using Superman’s power against him in order to create a new continent in the mid-Atlantic.

The action and effects are exhilarating, and with the exception of Bosworth, who is much too young to play Lois Lane, the casting is top-notch. The problem is that it’s way too long and desperately needs to be trimmed to two hours. Rated PG-13.

Waist Deep ***

(Tyrese Gibson, Meagan Good, Larenz Tate) An embattled father (Gibson) enlists the help of a street hustler (Good) to help him find his kidnapped son in South Central Los Angeles. The film is surprisingly humorous for a serious-minded gangland drama, and it’s good. Tyrese gives the best performance of his young career. Rated R.

Click ***

(Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken) An overworked and underappreciated architect (Sandler) who can’t find time for his wife (Beckinsale) and kids finds “a remote control that controls his universe.”

Now he can fast forward through fights and cold showers, and focus on enjoying the good stuff. The problem is that he’s soon at the remote control’s mercy once it becomes automatically programmed to skip certain events. It’s funny, yes, but only “clicks” because of its depth and emotion. Rated PG-13.

Nacho Libre ***

(Jack Black, Hector Jimenez, Ana de la Reguera) Nacho (Black), a loyal and observing monk in a remote area of Mexico, resorts to a “sinful” amateur wrestling circuit in order to earn money to save his monastery’s orphanage. The content of the movie, which proudly features Black in tights and acting like a buffoon, is idiocy in its most extreme form. It’s also darn funny. Rated PG.

The Lake House **1/2

(Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves) A doctor (Bullock) and architect (Reeves) who separately lived in the same lake house fall in love as they exchange hand-written letters. Here’s the catch: for him, it’s 2004; for her, it’s 2006. The predictable ending undermines an otherwise well-acted, poignant story. Rated PG.

An Inconvenient Truth ***

(Al Gore) Based on the slide show that former Vice President Al Gore has given “at least 1,000 times” all over the world, this searing documentary looks at the alarming issues surrounding global warming. No, Gore can’t resist making political jabs, or including a few personal anecdotes. But this problem is very real regardless of where your political affiliations lie, and it’s well presented by a surprisingly personable Gore. Rated PG.

Comments? E-mail dhudak22@yahoo.com.

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