Trading Up
So Nick Saban Pussied Out and Took His Show to Tuscaloosa. Time to Bring Back the Shula Shine.

Let’s wind the clock back to say, 1985, when Don Shula’s leadership of the Dolphins was unquestioned.

By Rebecca Wakefield

Nicky Lou, Nicky Lou Saban. We couldn’t please you, so you’re leavin’. Sweet Home Alabama for the Southern man who could never quite get the hang of Florida’s nether region.

But what a little bitch way to go. I get that Saban didn’t, according to numerous press accounts, much like South Florida, or its “what have you done for me lately” attitude. But that he didn’t even come out and do his own announcement Wednesday before heading off to coach the Red Tide, or whatever they’re called, was a real slap in the face to Dolfans who sweated out the last two seasons with him.

I agree with Joe Theismann, who opined on ESPN that Saban owes South Florida an explanation, and some face time. This was shortly after team owner Wayne Huizenga shuffled out to the spotlight to play a Jimmy Stewart version of a team owner who was real disappointed that his boy left us all in the lurch, but gosh, what a fine kid. Screw that. Lie to us – tell us it’s not us, it’s you.

Nick Saban’s legacy (a 15-17 record) in Miami will be as just another coach who got chewed up by the frustrating Dolphins franchise. If Alabama wants to pay him a salary competitive with the NFL, so be it. The Alabama football program produced $44 million last year. They live it. They breathe it. They want it more than we do, and so they should have Saban.

Then Huizenga asked the fans for ideas about who should be the new coach. There I can help him. I’m thinking we need to take this bucket of excrement we’ve been handed and plant some posies in it. Let’s wind the clock back to say, 1985, when Don Shula’s leadership of the Dolphins was unquestioned, and before Dan Marino was reduced to shilling for possibly the sleaziest car dealer in town. I’m not even saying the golden age of the ’72 Dolphins, because that era will not come again for many reasons.

Of course, this is sports. It’s all emotion, no reasoning whatsoever. But here’s my go, anyway. I don’t think there’s a coach out there right now, at any level, who can guarantee the Dolphins will make headway in the playoffs next year (if they even get there). We’ve got problems, big ones, and they can only be solved with time, money and good karma.

The next couple of years are rebuilding years. The Dolphins, I’m told by my panel of armchair experts, have a pretty good, solid coaching staff. We’ve gotta figure out the quarterback thing, the Ricky Williams thing and actually, the entire offensive and defensive line thing (except for Jason Taylor, and Zach Thomas backing the line).”

But beyond that, we, the fans, need a reason to believe in these assholes again. Given this, let me propose we do a swap with the University of Alabama. Let’s pick up Mike Shula, son of the all-time winningest steakhouse magnate. Just after Thanksgiving, Alabama canned Mike Shula. The guy had brought a troubled team back from the brink, racking up a 10-2 record in 2005, but the ’Bamans hated the way this season went.

Is the younger Shula ready for the Dolphins? I don’t know. He was the quarterback coach for a while under Dave Wannstedt, as thankless a job as you could find. But I argue that given there’s no available coach out there right now with Saban’s star quality, we should consider creating our own, from scratch. Bring back the Shula dynasty, even if it’s just for us. Maybe Huizenga could assemble a think tank of strategists to advise the general manager and coach on smart player picks as they rebuild the team.

Or, hell, why not Larry Coker? The University of Miami canned him as ‘Canes coach just a couple of days before Shula got the boot. Coker was making about $1.8 million and had a good record over his roughly six years (60-15 and one national title). But the more rabid elements of the UM sports fans, and more importantly, deep-pocketed alumni, wanted Coker out not only because of this poor, fraught season, but because his stoic nature didn’t give us the satisfaction of seeing him tear his hair out and age before our eyes.

Or, if we want to go with flash and a win-at-all-costs attitude, look no further than former state legislator Ralph Arza. He built the tough, (reportedly, sometimes dirty) football program at Miami High into a powerhouse, before going into politics and becoming the undisputed gorilla of state education politics. I’ve heard he’s not doing anything lately.

There’s always County Manager George Burgess, who may be looking for a new career after the Jan. 23 vote on the strong mayor referendum. Also, his mentor Merrett Stierheim is ready to go, good at stabilizing organizations in crisis. I believe he’s being kept in a hermetically sealed container somewhere near the airport. Smells a bit like mothballs, but still a viable go-to guy.

Or, you know, we could get Miami Mayor Manny Diaz’s son, who is defensive coordinator for the Blue Raiders in Middle Tennessee. It might mean we have to trade Mayor Diaz for Murfreesboro Mayor Tommy Bragg, but what the hell. A clean sweep all around.

Otherwise I’d say, just pack it in and turn Dolphin Stadium into South Florida’s newest affordable housing village. Ticket prices are now high enough the average person almost would have to live there.

Just some ideas, Mr. Huizenga, from a once and future fan.

Comments? E-mail wakefield@miamisunpost.com.