Sand-Up Comedy
Local Contest Winner to Join the Likes of Jon Stewart and Roseanne in Bringing Comic Relief to South Beach This Weekend

“Now when I drop a roofie in a girl’s drink, I drop a morning-after pill in there with it.”

Malik S. won the local competition.

By Angie Hargot

Local comedian Malik Sanon (stage name Malik S.) emerged the winner of a spot on the South Beach Comedy Festival’s Lincoln Road Stage after an amusing but challenging audition process that ended last week at the Miami Improv Comedy Club in Coconut Grove.

Malik S. will perform at the festival, which started yesterday and continues through Saturday on Lincoln Road, alongside three other local comedians selected by the Miami Improv. Also playing the festival at various venues around Miami Beach are comedians Jon Stewart, Margaret Cho, Lisa Lampanelli, Mike Epps, Roseanne, Kathy Griffin, David Spade and Cheech Marin.

Last Saturday at the first round of local competition at the Improv there was an array of talent, even though the atmosphere outside the Miami Improv just before the audition was a little, um, eye-roll-inspiring. The club had a motley crew of folks out there gearing up to be more than just funny-looking. There were big giant comedians. There were tiny little comedians. You even had the guitar-playing-musical-comedian. (There’s always one).

The 70 amateur local comedians showed up to audition for one of nine spots in the finals to be held Wednesday. Malik S. had some worthy opponents. Making it to the finals with him: Joe Pustizzi, Ronnie K., Sean Banks, Ricky Cruz and Al Jackson.

On Wednesday, Malik S., 29, was chosen the winner. Clips from the performances were aired afterwards on CBS Channel 4, giving viewers the chance to vote for their favorite comedian as well.

“It was good to win.” Malik S. told the SunPost. “I’m very excited and very happy — watch out for me!”

Flip Schultz, last year’s winner, hosted Saturday’s open call and last Wednesday’s final, and served as an impromptu judge. At his performance on the Lincoln Road stage last year, Comedy Central scouts saw Schultz in action and immediately offered him a spot on their series Live at Gotham, without even auditioning him. He went on to make it to the semifinals of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, and toured Europe with comedian Pablo Francisco. “I’m getting a lot of work and credibility in the business,” Schultz told the SunPost (in a bad cockney accent). “And it’s a result of appearing on the Lincoln stage.” Malik S. has also appeared on Last Comic Standing, a clip of which can be viewed on the comedian’s MySpace profile.

The rules Saturday were simple: First, no “blue,” or profane, material. (That term is rumored to have come from comedian Max Miller, who reportedly kept all his dirty jokes in a blue notebook.) “No curse words. Although situational stuff is OK — sex, drugs — remember this is Comedy Central, if we hear a curse word you’re off the stage,” warned Miami Improv General Manager Gideon Horowitz, and let the games begin.

Comics had three minutes to toss out their best comedic chestnuts. After that “you get a loud ‘THANK YOU.’ You might hear a loud ‘thank you’ before the three minutes is up — this just means your material was sooo good we didn’t need to hear any more. After that we cut off your mike and shut off the stage lights,” Horowitz explained.

The judges included 97.3-FM radio celebrity Bruce Wayne, comedian Christopher Titus (also slated to perform at the festival), “the Improv Comedy Club Team” and a crew from the South Beach Comedy Festival.

The booming THANK YOU god of comedy? That was none other than Horowitz himself, leveling the vocal equivalent of the giant stage-hook from a darkened booth near the back of the club — a little like comedy’s hooded executioner.

“Pretty” Paul Parsons was an old favorite — his routine basically surrounds the idea that he’s, well, old. “Don’t piss me off” was the first thing he said once he moseyed on stage to complain about having a leprous ex-girlfriend. “I got sick and tired of picking up after her,” he said. But Parsons’ humor got a little too blue for the judges. Especially after his pitch for a few television shows: a quiz show for amputees called Stump Me and a lesbian wife-swapping reality show called Trading Faces). An impression of Terri Schiavo got a few groans but nonetheless received a good deal of applause. (That impression left a bad taste in the mouth of at least one judge.)

Schultz considered Pretty Paul a favorite too, but “he just wasn’t right for the Lincoln stage,” Schultz told the SunPost. “I’m 99 percent sure it was just the venue. You’re gonna have 80-year-old women and 6-year-old kids, so you can’t even say ‘hell,’ or ‘damn’ or ‘crap.’ Any other venue — he would have been picked.”

Although some local comics aren’t advancing to the Lincoln Road Stage, their performances last week have solidified them as talent to watch for.

Of those who moved to the finals after Saturday’s open call: another Schultz (and crowd) pick, Lisa Corrao. Her shtick basically revolves around her height. The fact that she’s 4 feet 10 inches tall probably helps with those propositions she gets “for free candy to ride in vans.” Corrao had one of the best delivery styles of the evening, grabbing more than a few laughs with her accusation that Miami Seaquarium is the “ghetto Sea World — all the animals have scars and stretch marks.”

John Vargas was a huge favorite, explaining how with the ripe old age of 25 came some responsibility. “Now when I drop a roofie in a girl’s drink, I drop a morning-after pill in there with it,” he said. He also pondered aloud why so many young women get into trouble in this, the information age. “MySpace is like Mapquesting your rape.”

Comedian Nahn Du was another popular contestant. He said he gets kind of tired of people asking him how to make an egg roll. “You push it,” he said, totally deadpan.

Despite being late on the bill, Adrian Mesa grabbed a lot of laughs, which says a lot for his comedic prowess, the audience’s increasing inebriation, or both.

“There were some really strong comedians up there, and some guys who have just come onto the scene,” Schultz said. “But they got up there.”

You gotta hand it to the folks who actually got up onstage. Finalist Rayzor probably said it best during the first round of competition: “I’m glad it’s only three minutes, ’cause that’s exactly how much clean material I have.”

The Lincoln Road Stage will host two free shows daily, at 7 and 9:30 p.m. For tickets to the festival and a complete schedule visit www.southbeachcomedyfestival.com. 

South Beach Comedy Festival

• Jackie Gleason Theater, 1700 Washington Ave., features the comedy stylings of Mike Epps with Kenny Howell and Dominique (Thursday, 8 p.m.), Jon Stewart (Friday, 8 and 10:30 p.m.) and Bill Maher (Saturday, 8 p.m.). Call 305-673-7300.

• Lincoln Theater, 541 Lincoln Road, hosts comedians Roseanne (Thursday, 8 and 10 p.m.), Jim Breuer (Friday, 8:30 p.m.) and Artie Lange (Saturday, 8 and 10:30 p.m.). Call 305-673-3331.

• Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Road, has shows with Josh Blue (Thursday, 8:30 p.m.), Hal Sparks (Thursday, 10:45 p.m.), Margaret Cho: “The Sensuous Woman” burlesque and comedy variety show (Friday, 8 and 10:30 p.m) and Lisa Lampanelli (Saturday, 8:30 and 10:45 p.m.). Call 305-674-1040.

• The free stage on Lincoln Road Mall features comedians Thursday to Saturday, 7 and 9:30 nightly.