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This year we thought about doing something different for our Boat Show Issue.
Our publisher suggested we do an entire section about (and this sounds crazy) boats and boat-related stuff and things that float and whatnot. But we in the editorial department pretty much replied, “Yo, man, let’s just run the list of South Florida businesses we have compiled over the years with the advertisers bolded like we have since 2002.”
And so, dear Boat Show people from near and far, we present to you our Boat Show Issue, the issue that has very little, if anything to do with boats (except for the tale about the really big fish worth a million bucks that got away). We present it to you as a service, for we understand that many of you probably don’t know South Florida very well, being from Chicago or Atlanta or wherever. And we know that sooner or later you will get tired of looking at the latest vessels and want to shop or have a meal or imbibe a few drinks. We know that man and woman cannot live on boats alone and so we want to give you just a few suggestions along with our regular mix of news and commentary.
Our hearts ache with the thought of you boat people wandering around town lost. And not because we are afraid of anything bad happening to you, as our latest crime stats seem to indicate we locals prefer to rob our own. We just know it sucks to be a stranger in a strange land without a clue as to where the nearest place is to get a massage, a bottle of perfume or an empanada. Plus, the less time you boat folks are on the road, driving from place to place, the better it will be for all of us.
Say, why do all 200,000 or so of you boat people like to either drive over or rent cars to get around? Why don’t you just sail in on a boat? Oh, that’s right, there are few marinas available nowadays and there are these laws against people anchoring just off shore for longer than 72 hours. Well, then, why not just use our pubic transport—. Never mind. We won’t finish our absurd suggestion.
That’s OK. The Miami International Boat Show has been held here in Miami Beach and Miami for the last 200 years. Back in the early days boat enthusiasts would ride in on horse carriages and then meet in the Everglades among the alligators, giant raccoons and Florida panthers because Miami wasn’t actually founded yet — thus parking was abundant. So we locals have become accustomed to boat shows, especially those of us who live in Miami Beach. We know to stock up on lots of supplies because driving won’t be an option for the week. But that’s fine — we are ready and willing to endure some pain for the good of the local economy.
Which brings us to our actual point: Spend lots of money. Please. That’s why we are welcoming you. That’s why we are putting out yet another special issue to help guide you on your way. Seriously, there are like hundreds of restaurants, shops, bars, spas and clothing boutiques listed in this section. This is a comprehensive section and we are not just saying that so you can look at our ads. All right, we are. But this issue is still pretty comprehensive.
So take a break from the show. That’s enough. We get it. They’ve got pretty yachts and sleek power boats on display. But you’re in South Florida, boat folks, and in case ya didn’t notice, it ain’t snowing. So go out and have a ball.
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