Murmurs 

Stomach Pains

“Did you find parking all right?” asked a smartly dressed woman named Vanessa from Miami-Dade County’s public affairs office.

Murmurs muttered something in reply. Transitioning from The Dreaming into The Waking World is not an easy thing for Murmurs, even at the late hour of 10 a.m. Not making things easier was the attempt to secure a parking spot that did not require paying a $5 flat fee. (At $472.5 million for a performing arts center, most of it from public tax dollars, you would think the county could provide a free parking garage.)

But Murmurs was only 10 minutes late for Mayor Carlos Alvarez’s 2007 State of the County Address held at the Carnival Center for the Performing Arts Knight Concert Hall — Alvarez’s first such speech after being granted super-charter mayoral powers. Upon arrival, Murmurs was given a copy of Alvarez’s speech, a program listing who would be appearing and a “State of the County 2007 Calendar” featuring a crew-cut-styled Alvarez with his head turned toward his outstretched hand on the front cover. The next page of the State of the County 2007 Calendar features 17 head shots of Miami-Dade County’s public officials starting (from top left) with Alvarez (again), the 13 county commissioners, a sidewise smiling County Manager George Burgess (“heh-heh, kept my job”), Clerk of Courts Harvey Ruvin and a really somber and contemplative mug of County Attorney Murray Greenberg. (His lack of mirth may have something to do with the fact that District 13 Commissioner Natacha Seijas’ serious-looking headshot is right above his own.) It gets better: The calendar features various pictures of Miami-Dade scenery; the days of the calendar are represented by new-moon-type symbols; January and February share the same space (perhaps in an effort to cut costs); special events are dispersed within it and each page has a fun county fact. (“Did you know … Miami-Dade Water and Sewer Department facilities treat more than 300 million gallons of water everyday. That’s enough to fill the American Airlines Arena — twice! Know more at www.miamidade.gov/wasd.”)

And so, with Vanessa as his guide, Murmurs was led into a crowded press box with such a bird’s-eye view that those on the stage appeared to be upright ants. Murmurs looked left and right and found plenty of chairs on either side of waist-high wooden barriers. “You can climb over the railings,” suggested WFOR reporter Greg Nelson.

Really? All right! And Murmurs was about to leap over the railing when another public affairs person came to the rescue — informing that one only had to step outside to see that there were doors leading to the other press rooms.

With the comedic accident of falling face-first narrowly avoided, Murmurs settled down in Press Room 11. But then, when District 3 Commissioner Audrey Edmonson began speaking, Murmurs was hit with indigestion and was forced to try out one of the newly minted restrooms along the press box tier. We’re sure the fact that Edmonson was speaking about how happy she was that the Carnival Center for the Performing Arts, “testimony to the county’s commitment to art and culture,” was in her district when Murmurs was hit with acid reflux was only coincidence.

Still more stomach pains struck during certain segments of Alvarez’s speech.

“To borrow a phrase that punctuated the 1984 campaign of President Ronald Reagan … I say to you today … ‘It’s morning again in Miami-Dade County.’” Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

“… We need a bigger — and longer-term — solution. A tunnel connecting the Port to the mainland would provide long-term relief for everyone who drives downtown.” Underwater tunnel. Uhhhhhhhh.

“… To say it is expensive would be an understatement. But, I ask you to resist the immediate urge to say ‘no.’” More than a billion dollars. Uhhhhhhhh.

“Instead, consider how American ingenuity and publicly financed projects changed our community, nation and world.” Uhhhhhhhhhh? “The Panama Canal, the Golden Gate Bridge and Miami-Dade’s own Government Cut are monuments to our civilization. The Port Tunnel can be Miami-Dade County’s work for the 21^st century.” Uhhhhhhhhh!

“Baseball is the American pastime and the Florida Marlins have made our community proud by winning not one, but two World Series. A stadium for our home team makes sense.” Uhhhhhhhh?!

“We have a site in the heart of downtown Miami next to the Government Center and the Metrorail…. The bottom line, we need to make this play, we need to close this deal and make a permanent place in Miami-Dade County for the Florida Marlins.” Uhhhhhhhhh.

“Some have booed this idea, but let me make myself clear about my support of baseball in South Florida. I don’t intend to ‘sell the farm’ to keep the Marlins here.” Alex Penelas and the American Airlines Arena flashback! UHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Overall, Alvarez’s speech was not too gut-wrenching. He point-blank acknowledged that the Miami-Dade Housing Agency failed. “Our county failed.” Yet he has made a commitment to fix it. He said Miami International Airport was “for so many years … a stomping ground for greed” but vowed to move forward from the days of corruption with a new South Terminal. He warned that the county will have to be serious about protecting its dwindling water supply lest it “dry up.” Alvarez also announced the formation of a Prisoner Re-entry Council to help assist ex-convicts “to lead positive and productive lives.” Murmurs could not help but be amused by the goal “to blanket all 2,000 square miles of our county with wireless technology” in two years. (Alvarez neglected to mention whether the service would be free or not.) And then there was the mayor’s solution to stem the county’s increasing homicide rate, a “gun bounty program.” “The concept is simple — turn in someone with an illegal gun and get a reward. It is a way to get weapons and criminals off the streets.”

In a press conference afterward, Alvarez, the county’s former police director, offered few details on the gun bounty program, other than his belief that the MDPD had a 24-hour line. When asked about the baseball stadium, which when we last checked, required at least $198 million in taxpayer and public dollars, including possibly property taxes collected within Miami’s poorest neighborhood of Overtown, Alvarez replied, “The goal is to get all the parties together.”

Sensing the Love

For whatever reason, local preservationists and South Beach activists were nervous that Clotilde Luce would not be reappointed to the Miami Beach Design Review Board. Luce has received notoriety on both coasts of the United States for crushing Apple Computers executive Steve Jobs’ quest to flatten the 81-year-old Jackling House in Woodside, Calif. (a home she grew up in). Locally, the freelance writer is known for her civic activism, particularly her tenure on the DRB, where she is often a stickler for details when developers propose new projects.

So city officials were sent multiple e-mails from people urging her reappointment.

“I truly find her to be at the upper echelon of professionals who serve on our Land Use Boards, and believe it’ll be the citizens who’ll lose if her service is unfairly terminated,” wrote Mitch Novick, a member of the Historic Preservation Board.

“You may be considering another candidate whose qualifications on paper appear equal, yet consider that it is board members like [Clotilde] who not only remember the ‘institutional memory’ of our community, but also know HOW and WHEN to advocate for the good of the city as a whole,” wrote local architect Arthur Marcus.

“If she is not reappointed, we believe residents will be frustrated by the lack of good judgment by the commission,” warned Miami Modern architecture enthusiasts Nina and Don Worth.

You get the idea. Anyway, along comes the Valentine’s Day Miami Beach City Commission meeting. Board appointments come after an exhaustive debate over something or other.

“Board appointments: Are there any hanging out there?” Mayor David Dermer asked.

“I nominate Clotilde Luce for the Design Review Board,” boomed Commissioner Saul Gross, a preservationist and mayoral candidate.

“Second!” yelled Commissioner Matti Bower, also a preservationist and mayoral candidate.

Dermer: “All those in favor say ‘aye!’”

Several voices: “Aye!”

“Any nays?”

No voices could be heard.

Casino Royal

From Feb. 22 to 24, Florida International University’s Graham Center will play host to the 2007 Black Student Conference, “Empowerment: Searching and Finding Solutions.” Among the anticipated guests will be Rev. Al Sharpton, Bishop Victor T. Curry and Leo Casino, an actor, musician and activist outspoken in his dislike for the late Miami City Commissioner Art Teele (but who, ironically, announced he would play Teele in an independent movie).

But Casino may be delayed Saturday morning as he intends to announce his candidacy for president of the United States at 10 a.m. at FIU’s North Miami Campus.

“With all the people flocking to compete for the job as President of the USA already now, why have I decided to run?” Casino wrote in an e-mail. “Not only do I feel, that I have to give something back to my country, but over the decades people have said to me: ‘Leo please run for President, we need a real human American in the Oval Office, not actors, spoiled brats born with a silver spoon in their mouth, who have no conscience, or people who have bought their way into that office. We need you!’”

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