Episode 7: Hillary Is a ‘C’ Word

By Lee Molloy

Sen. Hillary Clinton

We scoured the country to find the most power hungry, Machiavellian and downright unattractive people in the United States of America (The Greatest Nation on Earth ™) to find the man, or woman, who could raise the most money, be willing to break the most promises and present the most bland reason to become — The President.

Previously on MMTP

Mitt “I will not drop out of the race” Romney dropped out of the race and then cheekily kept us guessing about what he planned to do with all his lovely delegates. The Clinton campaign got its panties in a bunch after a comment by MSNBC’s David Schuster, who suggested daughter Chelsea had been “pimped out” on the campaign trail. Sen. John McCain took home most of the delegates from the Grand Old Team primaries, even with little support from the crazy Christian Team Republicans fans. And Mike “Vice President? Me? Shucks!” Huckabee’s campaign literally ran out of gas, leaving a bus full of journalists stranded en route to Dulles International Airport. Meanwhile, Barack “I spoke out against Iraq before I voted to continue funding it” Obama continued sweeping Team Democrats primaries, proving that there was still plenty of Kool-Aid to go ’round.

This week on MMTP

Romney gave McCain the sweetest gift of all by endorsing his campaign on Valentine’s Day. Awww, how precious. Former MMTP winner, George “Huge Wallet” Bush, also endorsed McCain, pretty much putting the presidential seal of approval on the nominee. Meanwhile, Obama continued his winning streak in Wisconsin and Hawaii, with Sen. Clinton close behind. But if she can’t prove her viability in Texas and Ohio, it may be too late for her to catch up.

Of course, sexism is hardly new to politics, but there’s been a disturbing, misogynistic trend emerging on the campaign trail this season. 

As we all know, the 15th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution gave black men the right to vote some 50 years before the 19th Amendment of 1920 did the same for women. And, to further put that into perspective, much-loved former MMTP winner Ronald Reagan was already 9 years old before his dear old mom was deemed fit to vote.

So, with that in mind, MMTP producers were hardly surprised when hearing a young American woman say that Sen. Clinton shouldn’t be president because she might get her period and start a war, or that she is too ambitious.

What has happened to the young women of today? What’s the point of having equal rights with men if all that means is that they are allowed to play a man’s game with a man’s rules? With womankind’s dereliction of duty to its gender, is it any wonder that the first viable female contestant in MMTP’s history may lose this election because her fellow females have bought into the male-as-leader bullshit that has been perpetuated for generations by religion and culture?

Let’s look at the facts.

When an audience member asked Sen. John McCain, “How do we beat the bitch?” during a televised meeting in South Carolina, McCain laughed and said it was “an excellent question.” However, if the audience member had asked, “How do we beat the coon?” would the mainstream media have ignored that, too? We know former MMTP contestant the Rev. Al Sharpton would have never let such a thing slide, and neither can we.

There are anti-Clinton Web sites offering T-shirts with such charming slogans as “Life’s a bitch, why vote for one?” and “Hillary should have married O.J.” Why is such blatant misogyny accepted in the 21st century? What if there was a T-shirt that said “Barack should have been lynched” — would it be cool to have that hanging in the closet?

There’s actually a Facebook group called Hillary Clinton: Stop Running for President and Make Me a Sandwich, which has 37,000 members. Would it be just as giggleicious if someone started a group called Barack Obama: Stop Running for President and Fry Me Some Chicken?

Although crass and insulting, none of these things is catching the attention of the public; they’re just a regular part of the daily discourse in this country.

Now consider the damage that’s been caused by 527 organizations, groups that can campaign for or against a candidate and spend as much money as they want as long as they don’t coordinate efforts directly with the campaigns they support. The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth is an example of one such group. Last season, this group perpetrated the most disgusting and misleading attack on a former member of the U.S. armed forces imaginable when it went after former MMTP finalist Sen. John Kerry, questioning his military service and his patriotism.

Well, the far-right is at it again, as Roger Stone, veteran Team Republicans dirty-tricks maestro and pal of former MMTP winner Richard Nixon, proves with his new anti-Hillary 527, “Citizens United Not Timid.”

Is it possible for the political discourse to punch any further below the belt? Miamians should be troubled that this nasty organization is run right here in town by local Team Republicans stooge Jeff “Noodles” Jones, whose headquarters is located at 1628 N.E. 178th St. in North Miami Beach, FL 33216. Feel free to stop by or drop him a line!

Still, someone (Barack Obama, maybe?) needs to stand up and say that this sort of thing is not acceptable in modern politics. Well, we hardly want to belabor a point, but if someone started a group called “No Illinoisans Governing God’s America,” neither Obama’s, or the mainstream media’s, silence would be so deafening.

Both sexism and racism should be exorcised from American politics and, indeed, life, but we are nowhere near that point. Unfortunately, women stopped fighting for their rights after gaining just a degree of financial independence from men, but before achieving true liberation.

Maybe they should think about the fight for gender equality like a weight-loss diet — just as those stubborn last seven pounds are the hardest to lose, now isn’t the time to give up the fight.

In a great nation that is supposedly dedicated to liberty and justice for all, Sen. Clinton should have the right to fight for her cause without being subjected to such hate. While no one should vote for her just because she is a woman, we shouldn’t condone not voting for her for the same reason.

Tune in to the next episode of MMTP as we take a long, hard look at the cult of Barack Obama and we get closer to finding out which Air Force One bathroom will be bigger — the little boy’s room or the little girl’s room.

Hail to the chief!  

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