Episode 8: Is it the Messiah? Is it the Anti-Christ? No, it’s Barack Hussein Obama!

By Lee Molloy

Sen. Barack Obama

We scoured the country to find the most power hungry, Machiavellian and downright unattractive people in the United States of America (The Greatest Nation on Earth ™) to find the man, or woman, who could raise the most money, be willing to break the most promises and present the most bland reason to become — The President.

This week on MMTP

The Team Democrats debate in Texas finished with a standing ovation for Sen. Clinton, who in a moment of clarity reminded everyone that she was a nice person and that Sen. Obama was a nice person, too. Aaaw, how cute!

Ralph “Him again?” Nader decided that life was just too short not to lose a fourth MMTP season in a row and declared himself a contestant, then Team Democrats immediately declared him a spoiler. Nader, of course, denied this accusation so, if we are to take him at his word, he has to be either the biggest egotistical jerk-off in history or a closet Team Republicans fan. So, seriously Ralphie, what’s the point?

And in Ohio, during what could be the final debate for Team Democrats’ nominee, we finally saw Clinton take a swipe at Obama about how he spoke out against Iraq before voting to fund the war every chance he got in the Senate. Another point of note was that Obama lost the smile and finally sounded like a politician when he had to back-peddle furiously over his written pledge to not opt out of federal funding in a general election. Finally, it was Barack’s turn to have the Hallmark moment at the end of the debate and declare peace and love for all. No standing ovation though!

In one of the more interesting moments of Tuesday’s debate, Obama was reluctant to reject the support of the leader of the Nation of Islam (aka Black Muslims), Louis “Whites are blue-eyed devils” Farrakhan. Moderator Tim Russert asked Obama twice if he would reject Farrakhan’s support, and twice he refused to answer. It was only after Sen. Clinton mentioned her rejection of similarly anti-Semitic support when she ran for her Senate seat in 2000 that Obama tried to laugh off his action and acquiesced. However, he continued to refer to Farrakhan by the title of “minister,” and he did not reject nor denounce Obama’s long-term mentor and adviser, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who, in 2005, after making a statement about women being raped in Africa, talked smack about missing teenager Natalee Holloway in his church’s Trumpet Magazine. “One 18-year-old white girl from Alabama gets drunk on a graduation trip to Aruba, goes off and ‘gives it up’ while in a foreign country and that stays in the news for months!” he wrote. “Maybe I am missing something!” In the same publication, Wright also noted that “White America got a wake-up call after 9/11.” Then, on Nov. 2, 2007, he presented Farrakhan with a lifetime achievement award, writing in his church magazine that “the Minister truly epitomized greatness.” It seems Obama does not want to stand up and denounce the racist leanings of his spiritual mentor and friend of 20 years any more than, as we found last week, he denounces misogyny on the campaign trail. So, can the Obamamaniacs keep supporting this guy with so many questions about his character?

Yes we can!

The entire “yes we can” thing is not only really annoying and kind of embarrassing in its simple-mindedness, but also just about as lazy a movement as it is possible to get. All one has to do to bring about change is vote for Obama? That’s it? There is no call to arms, no marching on D.C. and demanding justice, no sacrificing getting stoned and playing Xbox 360? Really, all one has to do is vote for Barack Obama and that act alone will change the world? Bull-fucking-shit! If that guy gets into the Oval Office, it will be business as usual on Pennsylvania Avenue. Politicians are politicians and will always ultimately disappoint. He can’t change anything in this world or country without changing the machine of power itself, and the machine of power is not his to change. He’d be the president, not the king. He’d have to work with the houses of Congress — who love nothing better than fighting each other — to get anything done at all. Yes, he would have a mandate if elected, but he’d still have to play nicely and share with those in the House and Senate.  In other words, Washington changes slowly. Things get done little by little. This is what a policy wonk like Sen. Clinton understands. The president can certainly set the agenda, but, other than that, Congress is really in control. 

But the question on every nonbeliever’s mind this week must be: What the fuck is the deal with the whole Barack Obama-as-Messiah shit everyone seems to be into? Are all these fools who keep talking about the way he inspires them or that he is so different really that gullible? He’s still a politician, even if he is a bit like Oprah Winfrey in a man suit and seems like he’d be perfectly comfortable sitting around and chatting with the gals on The View. Damn! This guy could actually be the first woman president! Now, we’re not suggesting that he is secretly a woman, but he is kinda girly with the whole “Let’s sit down and talk, let’s come together, let’s group hug” thing. Are you kidding? Does he really only want to be cheerleader in chief? With this type of talk, Sen. John “Genuine American War-Hero” McCain is gonna hand him his ass on a silver platter. 

Obama is an avatar upon whom every true believer is transmitting his or her own image or set of values. He’s neither black nor white, male nor female. He speaks about this being “your” campaign, about it being about The People and what they want, what they believe. Then he gives no specifics. He stands on barely any record and it just seems like so much style over so little substance, which may not be too difficult to prove. When MSNBC host Chris Mathews asked Obama supporter Texas state Sen. Kirk Watson to name any of the senator’s accomplishments, Watson answered, “Well, I am not going to be able to name you specific items of legislative accomplishment.” Pressed further, Watson said that Sen. Obama inspires. Which is all very nice, but there are people who find Hugh Hefner pretty inspiring, and no one is trying to make him president.

Also, this week NBC host Brian Williams admitted that there is a bias toward Obama at the network, and quoted another NBC reporter as saying it is hard to stay objective covering the campaign of Sen. Obama. Williams explained that he thought reporter Lee Cowan felt the emotion and excitement of Obama’s campaign and lost his objectivity. Great, now even journalists are drinking the Kool-Aid!

Oh well, tune in next week to see if Team Democrats finally know whom they want flying on Air Force One and if anyone is paying attention to John McCain.

Hail to the Chief!

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