Sour Milk

The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore — and it should have passed by the Edge Theatre, too

By Mary Damiano

Rachel Stone lights Frank Rodriguez's fire in The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore at Edge Theatre.

In his curtain speech before The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore, Director Jim Tommaney told the audience that he’s wanted to produce the obscure Tennessee Williams play for about five years, but casting was tricky. When Maria Kakouris Somoza auditioned, Tommaney continued, he knew he’d found the right actress for the lead.

Five minutes into Somoza’s first scene, you wonder exactly what Tommaney saw, because it sure wasn’t talent.

Why Tommaney hired Somoza remains a mystery — she’s so bad you can all but see her teeth marks on the unremarkable scenery. The answer to the choice of this insipid yawn of a play can be found in the program, which details the Edge Theatre’s mission statement: to “produce the neglected works of established playwrights.” Milk Train certainly fits the bill. Originally produced on Broadway in 1963 and revived in ’64, the show ran for a combined total of 74 performances — a huge failure for a playwright of Williams’ stature. The play was later turned into the unsuccessful 1968 Elizabeth Taylor film Boom!

Sometimes there’s a reason why a great playwright’s work is neglected, and that’s because even a great playwright can churn out bad work.

The most entertaining part of the evening was reading the program, in which Tommaney says Williams “may be the greatest playwright since [William] Shakespeare” and that in Milk Train, Williams tackles the theme “of approaching death, avoided by most playwrights.” What? The theme of approaching death is a hallmark of theater and literature.

The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore is about Flora Goforth (Somoza), an aging Southern belle famous around the world for her wealth and beauty, living in seclusion in her mountain estate on the coast of Italy. Apparently she’s dying, but she’s the healthiest-looking dying person one can imagine. Mrs. Goforth spends her days dictating her memoirs to her put-upon secretary, played by Rachel Stone, whose performance is less dreadful than usual only because she shares the stage with performers more dreadful than she. A young man named Christopher (Frank Rodriguez) climbs the mountain to visit Mrs. Goforth; she soon learns he has the unfortunate nickname “Angel of Death,” because all the old rich women he visits die soon after. With a reputation like that, you’d think that Mrs. Goforth would send him packing down the mountain, but, no, she has him stay in the guest house. 

The play is all talk. She drawls, he drones and the play drags on for nearly three hours — three hours of your life that you’ll never get back.

The Milk Train Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore runs through April 13 at Edge Theatre, 3825 N. Miami Ave., Miami. Shows are Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m.; Sunday at 7 p.m. For tickets and more information, call 786-355-0976.