John McCain

Episode 13: Ticket to Palookaville

For our reality series Make Me the President, we scoured the country to find the most power-hungry, Machiavellian and downright unattractive people in the United States of America (“The Greatest Nation On Earth” ™) to find the man, or woman, who could raise the most money, be willing to break the most promises and offer the most bland reason to become — The President.

By Lee Molloy

This week on MMTP:

Sen. John “Dirty Mouth” McCain denied this week that his temper was anything to worry about. McCain previously called a young boy on the campaign trail “you little jerk” for asking a question he didn’t like, and shouted “fuck you” at Texas Sen. John Cornyn during a debate on immigration last year. Next time he brings his mother with him on the campaign trail, MMTP producers are going to ask her to wash his mouth out with soap and water.

Elizabeth Edwards (wife of former MMTP contestant Sen. John Edwards) decided to take a swing at McCain, saying his health care plan would leave many people uncovered — including him, as he is a cancer survivor. Then she threw her weight behind Clinton’s health care plan. Could this portend a Clinton endorsement from Edwards?

Chelsea Clinton this week once again fielded a question regarding Monica Lewinsky and again told the questioner that it was “none of your business.” It is certainly understandable that a young lady would not want to discuss her dad getting a blowjob, and in that regard the question is unfair. However, it would be fair to ask Chelsea, “Why did you not correct the record when your mother told everyone that y’all had to run from sniper fire in Bosnia?” That would test her political mettle.

Every day, increasing numbers of Team Democrats superdelegates come out in support of Senator Obama or say they want Senator Clinton to drop out of the contest for the good of the Team. However, although there is the perception of an unstoppable momentum toward Obama, the numbers are still incredibly close. According to Democratic Team Chairman Howard “Yee-har” Dean, “One candidate is going to win with 50.2 percent of the votes and another candidate is going to lose by 49.8 percent of the votes.” He goes on to say, “I want to make sure that the candidate who doesn’t win this nomination feels they’ve been treated fairly according to the rules.” 

However, with no modern precedent for such a tight race and no clear rules regarding how superdelegates vote, someone is going to be upset and cry foul. Many fans are going to be really pissed off, which could be a problem in November, as a Gallup poll released last week suggested a majority of fans would cast a vote for John McCain this fall if the contestant they support does not win the Team Democrats nomination.

In the meantime, both campaigns are going after newly anointed superdelegates. With almost half of the 2006 freshman class on Capitol Hill undecided for whom to vote, Obama and Clinton are schmoozing and making who-knows-what promises to woo freshman members of Congress. It is not an easy choice for many, who have their own political calculations to make.  

A good example would be local Congressman Ron Klein from Boca Raton, who won his seat from Team Republicans’ Clay Shaw with a narrow 51 percent of the vote. He told our friends at TIME, "I have excellent relations with both Senator Clinton and Senator Obama and they both understand my position. Why would I endorse and risk alienating a group of Democratic voters in a re-election race that promises to be incredibly close?"  Proving again, that all politics is local.

Curtis Jackson, better known as the rapper 50 Cent, has flip-flopped on his endorsement. Although he was on record as supporting Clinton, it appears that Obama’s recent speech on race changed his mind. "I heard Obama speak," he said. "He hit me with that he-just-got-done-watching-Malcolm X, and I swear to God, I'm like, 'Yo, Obama!'” He continues, "I'm Obama to the end now, baby!"

And, “fiddy” wasn’t the only African-American to disappoint Senator Clinton this week.

"If I had to make a prediction right now, I'd say Barack Obama is going to be the next president," Missouri Rep. Emanuel Cleaver said on Canadian public radio. "I will be stunned if he's not the next president of the United States." Which would have been a fine sentiment had Cleaver not declared his support for Senator Clinton last year. Although still officially on message, he has resigned himself to a loss, saying, “Even though I don't expect the Kansas City Chiefs to beat the Indianapolis Colts, I cheer for the Kansas City Chiefs,” which is the sports metaphor equivalent of singing “Stand by Your Man.” Apparently.

Team Democrats is currently exercising a phenomenal act of democracy by testing the limits of the system put in place to nominate their champion — which is a beautiful thing. So, is it right for so many to be calling for Senator Clinton to take a dive? It looks as if the compromise would be to force superdelegates to declare on or before July 1 in order to determine the nomination almost two months ahead of the August convention.

At the end of the day, Team Democrats’ fans have to keep in mind that Senator Clinton obviously believes that she would make the best president; therefore, she is doing her duty to the Team and country by staying in the game and not dropping out. If Clinton is ultimately elected, the country is more likely to actually get universal health care than if Obama were elected. The reasoning behind this is that health care is Clinton’s driving force. She has failed at it before, yet still works passionately toward making it happen. And, she has the connections in Washington to succeed.

On the other hand, Obama is a very attractive candidate who is bringing people together in new and surprising ways. But it is still unclear what Obama’s big idea is, aside from change, of course.

Ultimately, if you make that 3 a.m. call for an ambulance or have some other medical emergency, do you want to be concerned about your insurance or lack thereof? If not, Senator Clinton still appears the best bet. As ever, it is your choice to make. 

Tune in next week to see which of our political warriors is that important one-step-closer to flying home for Thanksgiving next year on Air Force One.

Hail to the Chief!

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