Knocked Out

Real Estate brokers battle it out at the Broker Boxing Federation

By Lee Molloy

Josh Souza (in white) defeated Ivan Chorney in last week’s broker boxing match at Mansion. Photo by Richard M Brooks

After the recent collapse of the Miami property market, who hasn’t wanted to punch their real estate broker in the face? Well, last week, fight fans and disgruntled investors got the chance to experience the next best thing and watch brokers punch the heck out of each other at Mansion in South Beach for the Alonzo Mourning Charities.

Celebrity guests at the Broker Boxing Federation’s event included the Amazonian Brooke Hogan, who looked like she could follow in her father Hulk Hogan’s footsteps and beat the stuffing out of anyone on the fight card. Promoter David Goldberg arrived sporting a Don King-style wig and shouting, “BBF Miami.” And James Brown’s official impersonator, Tony Wilson, sang “I Feel Good” before doing an impressive somersault on the red carpet. Finally, Alonzo Mourning arrived moments before the show began, telling those watching that “David Goldberg is a phenomenal guy” and that he thought the BBF was “a beautiful thing — very creative.”

In a homage to the classic Rocky IV, the show opened with Tony Wilson singing a crowd-pleasing rendition of “Living in America,” which was followed by the usual back-slapping and pleasantries regarding hosts and sponsors.

Goldberg said Mourning’s involvement was “from the heart” and went on to tell the crowd how in 2002 (the Broker Boxing Federation’s inaugural year), the BBF raised $40,000 for charities, and that this year that number was more than $250,000.

“Let’s get ready to rumble!”

This was amateur boxing, so fighters wore protective headgear and only boxed for three 90-second rounds.

First to step into the squared circle were Ryan “Lights Out” Levy and Andrew “Fist of Fury” Trench. Although their weight was about even, Trench’s 6-foot-3-inch frame gave him the advantage, and his long reach made his jab just too much for Levy to overcome — first blood to Trench.

The second bout was between Aracibo “El Machete” Quintana and Keith “The Vanilla Gorilla” Darby. And although Quintana had the reach advantage in this matchup, Darby’s greater strength and aggression gave him the win.   

The controversial third fight between Nathan “Kung Fu Punch” Lieberman and Jonathan “The Closer” Carter seemed like they had mistaken their BBF for the WWF. The fighters instantly went into a grappling match, both hit the mat and Lieberman punched Carter in the face, forcing the referee to stop the match and declare a no-contest.

David “Boom Boom” Bradley beat Ryan “Force Majeure” Holtzman easily in the fourth bout. In the fifth contest, fan favorite Scott “The Hebrew Hammer” Goldstein (judging from the abundance of Hebrew Hammer T-shirts in the crowd) took a beating from Ryan “Matzoh Baller” Ackerman.

The bloodthirsty got their fill in the sixth bout when Ivan “Checkmate” Chorney and Josh “Majestic” Souza sent the claret flying around the ring. Souza finally took the match.

And, finally, the night was rounded off with heavyweight Grant “The Meathead Killer” Killingsworth beating Darren “The Freight Train” Campbell. 

The boys had fun and did great for the real winners: the charities.