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The SunPost 2008 Best Of South Florida
Editors’ Choice / BEST OF OUR ADVERTISERS
Public
transportation used to mean taking a wooden rowboat or canoe up and down
the mangrove-choked inlets from the general store to a hand-built
hideaway. Now, with a lack of affordable housing, a credit crisis, high
gas prices, cash-strapped state and local govern
BEST POLITICAL CONTEST
The 2008 Presidential Election Yeah, so there’s lots going on in local politics — the Miami-Dade County property appraiser will be elected for the first time since maybe the 19th century; candidates are technically challenging Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez and other county commissioners (they’ll lose); Miami Beach Commissioner Richard Steinberg is running for state representative (and fellow Commissioner Jonah Wolfson can’t wait to see him leave), and there’s some noise about who may replace Miami Mayor Manny Diaz a year from now. Yawn. No one cares about any of that. American voters truly have had something to get excited about during this presidential election season — and we’re not just talking about the fact that George W. Bush is finally termed out of office. Hope has fueled this presidential race, and it literally has come down to black versus white, male versus female, young versus old, future versus past — and that was just the Democratic primary race! Florida is again at the center of the election, with state Democratic delegates getting less voting power than antebellum American slaves and pundits hyperventilating about which of the candidates’ wives is bitchier. Meanwhile, Miami-Dade residents get five months to practice using their new bubble-in ballots before choosing either Sen. Barack Obama or Sen. John McCain to relieve us of eternal war, global climate change, $4-per-gallon gas and Kafka-esque health care. God bless America!
BEST LETDOWN Florida’s Non-Primary In another one of those “seemed like a good idea at the time” decisions, the Florida Legislature chose to violate the rules of both the Republican and Democratic parties and schedule the Sunshine State’s presidential primaries in January to make it one of the earliest in the country and to guarantee that its voters would have an impact while both party nominations were still up for grabs. After South Carolina and some other smaller early states threw a fit, the National Republican Committee opted to eliminate half of Florida’s convention delegates. But the Democrats — well, they decided to teach the state’s Republican-dominated Legislature and Republican governor a lesson by stripping Florida of all its convention delegates and forbidding Democratic presidential candidates from campaigning in the state. In other words, the party was stupid enough to officially ignore voters in the country’s biggest swing state just to appease some whiny South Carolinians. Of course, the Democratic National Committee finally agreed to seat Florida’s delegates at its upcoming convention and give them each half a vote, but only after doing enough damage to potentially cost the party the White House in the one election year it was almost guaranteed a victory. The party not only disenfranchised its voters, but also gave Republican John McCain (who consistently campaigned in the state) what could turn out to be a vital edge over Democrat Barack Obama in an unpredictable state. Uh, yeah, good job, guys.
BEST POLITICAL TUG OF WAR Urban Development Boundary Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez has retained the hearts and minds of environmentalists, controlled-development advocates and urban revivalists thanks to the ongoing battle over where to draw the Urban Development Boundary, an invisible line that marks where urban, and even suburban, development stops and rural and protected wetlands begin. Every time the Miami-Dade County Commission approves an application to expand the urban region farther into the Everglades, Alvarez dutifully vetoes it. His argument is simple: We don’t have the resources to accommodate new development so far from the urban core. That includes not just government services, but essentials such as drinkable water. But every time Alvarez tries to pull that UDB back, property owners and developers gather enough commission votes to override him and yank it back into the swamp. Alvarez and Hold the Line, a coalition fighting to keep the UDB where it is, have lost every battle against developers over this issue. And each victory makes it easier for the next developer to argue to move the UDB yet again. It will be interesting to see what sort of arguments can be made when plans to construct entirely new communities in the swamp finally reach the commission dais. At any rate, this tug-of-war has shown the best of Alvarez.
BEST LOCAL POLITICAL SCANDAL Timoney Lexus Scandal Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last year, you’ve heard about the John Timoney SUV scandal. Truthfully, we, too, are sick of the whole thing. Yeah, Miami’s police chief drove a Lexus SUV around for more than a year without paying for it. Yes, he admitted it. Yes, he received a vote of “no confidence” from three-quarters of his own force. And yes, local and state agencies found what he called a “boneheaded” mistake to be unethical. But, no, nothing is going to happen to the guy for it. Regardless, the internationally reported incident opened up a Pandora’s Box of corruption allegations in the city of Miami. Since then, the floodgates have yet to close, with everything from the city’s misreporting of crime stats to allegations of police misconduct to paltry recruitment numbers. It may be misleading to call the scandal “the best” because it really was “the worst” — at least for the honest, hard-working police men and women who both enforce and follow the law.
BEST BOONDOGGLE The Museum Park/Stadium/Port Tunnel Megadeal Our elected officials pulled off a reverse Robin Hood scheme this year that’s so bold, they obviously forgot for whom they’re working. Miami and Miami-Dade County commissioners agreed to spend $3 billion to build Museum Park, a Marlins baseball stadium, a port tunnel and maybe even streetcars to revitalize Miami. They’re so sure that the plan will be successful they’ve decided it isn’t necessary to give the people who are actually going to foot the bill — the taxpayers — a chance to vote on it. Here’s how this multibillion-dollar boondoggle will work if car dealer Norman Braman fails to quash it in court. Although the county was supposed to pay the multimillion-dollar construction bill for the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts (formerly the Carnival Center) with tourism revenue, under this new deal, the debt instead would be paid off using Miami’s Omni District Community Redevelopment Funds. In other words, money earmarked for the poor would go to the rich, a swap that would free up county dollars to fund the stadium, port tunnel, museums and possibly a trolley. The leaders of this con game, er, megadeal — Miami Mayor Manny Diaz and County Manager George Burgess — somehow managed to hypnotize County Mayor Carlos Alvarez and a bunch of city and county commissioners to support their scheme. That’s in spite of public opinion polls showing residents don’t want it. But, hey, our elected officials know best. Don’t they?
BEST LAWSUIT Norman Braman vs. Miami-Dade County and the City of Miami When there’s talk of a complicated $2.9 billion “global agreement” deal involving taxpayer dollars in the making, most community leaders focus on getting a piece of the action. And there’s just about something for everyone with a scheme that involves building a baseball stadium for the Florida Marlins, a soccer stadium for whomever, a streetcar system to take care of Miami Mayor Manny Diaz’s concurrency concerns, an underwater tunnel to accommodate truck traffic to the Port of Miami, landscaping for Museum Park and a new revenue stream to help pay off the $400 million or so bonds for the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts. Norman Braman, a local philanthropist and car dealership owner, isn’t typical though. Instead of singing scripted praises about helping the arts or keeping the Marlins in Miami, Braman called his lawyers and sued to stop it. Among other criticisms, he argues that local lawmakers want to build these projects with property tax revenue intended to combat slum and blight in the city’s poorest neighborhoods, and have given taxpayers no say in the matter. His legal challenge has held enough weight that it has not been dismissed, in spite of local leaders’ best efforts to squash it.
BEST POLITICIAN Miami Commissioner Tomas Regalado A television journalist by trade, Miami Commissioner Tomas Regalado loves the limelight. He especially loves it when he can stick it to the surrogates of his political rival, Miami Mayor Manny Diaz. And toward that end, Regalado tirelessly criticizes schemes that use property taxes collected within community redevelopment districts for anything other than providing affordable housing, fixing streets or providing jobs. “That money is for poor people,” he often utters. Well, actually, that money is for removing poor people. No matter what pretty face Miami officials try to put on it, redevelopment here is all about having fewer poor people and more middle class in a particular area. Come on, does increasing the bond payments for the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts do anything for the economy? Yeah, that’s a tough sell, and Regalado never tires of questioning the rationale. Regalado frequently jumps on the bandwagon of popular issues — for instance, he’s against high-rise development if Miami residents raise hell about a project — and his detractors call him a populist. Maybe so, but unless they’re grinning for photo-ops at elderly homes, most of Miami’s elected officials tend to forget who put them up on the dais. Regalado doesn’t. And besides, Regalado is having fun. He loves to tweak Diaz’s government. And now that Diaz is termed-out, Regalado will have ample opportunity to do so when he runs for mayor in November 2009.
BEST ELECTED OFFICIAL Miami Beach Commissioner Ed Tobin Ed Tobin threw his hat into the ring halfway through the 2007 Miami Beach election season. The guy didn’t have all the answers, or any of them in fact, but he did have all the right questions and ideas. He wanted to know why city officials couldn’t stop the streets from flooding and why the building department didn’t work so well. He wanted to make sure that city officials followed basic ethical standards and spent taxpayer money responsibly. The contest was tight — if it’d been a horse race, we’d be talking a nose — and Tobin won by a mere 33 votes. Since then, it’s been refreshing to watch Tobin speak his mind on the dais. He doesn’t hold back because it’s the politically correct thing to do, and his relentless quest to find out why community improvement projects, such as drainage or the Normandy Shores Golf Clubhouse, seem to cost the city at least five times more than they would in the private sector has put him at odds with many in City Hall. For example, he hit a nerve with calm-and-collected City Manager Jorge Gonzalez when he alleged that certain CIP employees weren’t being forthcoming with their figures, inciting Gonzalez to lose his cool and snap back that his people weren’t “liars.” Word is Tobin isn’t falling into the “high-school-on-steroids” politics of the fourth floor either. A politician without being a politician, Tobin is A-OK in our book. We need to elect more officials like him.
BEST FALL FROM GRACE Miami City Attorney Jorge Fernandez Miami’s top lawyer sure had his priorities in order: expensive trips for his top allies, costly office redesigns, lavish bonuses for his legal staff and parties, parties, parties. Fernandez even created a subcommittee in his office specifically devoted to planning parties for every conceivable occasion, and pressured everyone from secretaries to deputies to kick into the fund. Fernandez loved to hold meetings, too. So many that some lawyers spent half their time attending meeting after meeting, party after party, for, well, whatever, and recording that time as billable hours to show city officials how productive they were. Critics claim the endless meetings and hours-recording tasks detracted from time that could have been spent on the city’s legal cases, more than a few of which turned into embarrassing gaffs. But Fernandez’s partying ways eventually got the attention of the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office, whose prosecutors started investigating Fernandez’s misuse of his expense account. For months, the city of Miami was given legal advice from a man under investigation by Katherine Fernandez Rundle’s office. In February, Fernandez finally resigned in exchange for not being prosecuted. End of story? Yeah, right. Fernandez is now suing the city for a $300,000 compensation package.
BEST GOLDEN PARACHUTE Dana Nottingham It must be nice to work for the Downtown Development Authority — or leave it. Just look at former Director Dana Nottingham. He was paid $220,000 to head the DDA, the agency that is supposed to clean up and promote business in downtown Miami. What a job it was: Nottingham and associates flew around the world on expensive field trips to get ideas from successful downtowns around the world until, of course, a series of unfortunate happenings woke people up to the party. Last summer, Macy’s Florida Chair Julie Greiner slammed the DDA in a scathing speech on the decrepit, filthy state of downtown in which she questioned whether Macy’s employees were safe going to work and whether the store should even remain downtown. Then, in January, Miami Auditor General Victor Igwe released an audit detailing bad accounting practices at the DDA, a penchant for globe-trotting, odd purchases such as iPods, excessively expensive offices and bloated staff salaries. Technology and Information Systems Manager Richard Whittaker, for example, received almost $19,000 more than records show he earned, and Nottingham was overpaid $12,120, which he returned after it was brought to his attention. Still, when Nottingham left the DDA in shame, he somehow descended from the 29th floor offices at the swanky Wachovia Financial Center downtown with a $181,000 golden parachute. Even in Miami, that’s not bad.
BEST REASON FOR MIAMIANS TO BE HOPEFUL Mayor Manny Diaz Is Termed-Out Ding-dong, the mayor is gone, the mayor is gone, the mayor is gone. The bad news is that the people of Miami won’t be singing that song until November 2009. The good news is that Manny Diaz will be outta there. Diaz leads a city administration that puts developers first and has allowed haphazard downtown “redevelopment,” wasting taxpayer dollars on things like sandcastle-building contests for 5-year-olds and leaving a hodgepodge of beautiful skyscrapers empty. Granted, Diaz didn’t create the building bubble, nor did he cause the current mortgage and real estate industry meltdowns, but the amount of uncontrolled, unplanned development he allowed is making his city one of the worst-hit zones in the country. When historians look back at his tenure, Diaz might be remembered as The New Hope-turned-Sith Lord. It’s difficult to fathom that Diaz wasn’t complicit in the fire-fee scandal. How could he not know that the $7 million settlement was being split among only seven people? Of course, it’s good to have buddies like Johnny “Head Butt” Winton, who led the late-night approval of Diaz’s $58,000 raise. Then there’s the questionable real estate transaction in which Diaz, Winton and former City Manager Joe Arriola bought a Coconut Grove mansion and flipped it for a huge profit. He received a $250 fine and a reprimand from the Miami-Dade Commission on Ethics and Public Trust for that one. In his latest feat, he convinced both city and county commissioners and administrators to support a $3 billion mega-deal to build Museum Park, a port tunnel, a baseball stadium and possible a trolley car in a scheme that uses taxpayer money earmarked for the poor — all without consulting voters. Shame on you, Manny, and thank goodness for term limits.
BEST POLITICAL HATCHET MAN Norman Braman Car dealer Norman Braman is not content to simply challenge the $2.9 billion “global agreement” in the courts — he’s also taking his case to the community at large. Part of that method includes a highly publicized shopping trip for a county mayor who won’t swallow the mega-plan proponents’ glittery promises hook, line and sinker. It doesn’t matter if Braman found a candidate willing to take on incumbent Mayor Carlos Alvarez. What matters is that Braman has made credible candidates think about challenging Alvarez’s rule — and his so-called “reform image.”
BEST POTENTIAL COMEBACK David Dermer Imagine becoming a city commissioner without having to run. A pipe dream, right? Not if your name is David Dermer. Just a few months after the popular former Miami Beach mayor left office, six of the city’s seven commissioners chose to appoint him to fill the final year of Commissioner Richard Steinberg’s term if they decide not to hold an election for the seat. Steinberg is abandoning his seat in November to run for state representative. The possibility of Dermer’s return to power has sparked community debate. Those who favor holding an election for the seat say appointment is undemocratic. Commissioner Jonah Wolfson, who argued in a three-page letter that the city charter requires commissioners to wait 30 days after Steinberg’s last day to decide what to do, suggested that Steinberg quit in the summer so his seat could be put on the Nov. 4 ballot and save the city the expense of a special election. However, Steinberg turned in a resignation letter June 6 saying he isn’t going anywhere until Nov. 4. A Dermer redux made some of us sentimental for his time in office — he gave out tax rebate checks; helped enact legislation forbidding sexual offenders from living within 2,500 feet of schools, parks, bus stops and other kid-friendly spots; and as leader of Save Miami Beach, he helped prevent developers from erecting a Sunny Isles Beach-like skyline. But it’s Dermer’s dry sense of humor and innate ability to steer the commission that makes his possible return exciting.
BEST RESURRECTION Alex Daoud’s Sins of South Beach Ex-jailbird Mayor Alex Daoud burst back into the headlines with a tell-all book about Miami Beach politics during the 1980s, when he was in charge. From musings about helping Miami Beach cops beat criminals until they were half-dead to tales about taking bribes from local bankers, Sins of South Beach divulges the names and details of many Beach characters who still play a prominent role at City Hall. Power lobbyist Lucia Dougherty, with whom the former mayor claims to have done the dirty deed, is just one of many players who probably wishes Daoud hadn’t resurfaced. Another is lobbyist and former Beach Mayor Harold Rosen, who had a fully clothed starring role in the book, but not-so-politely declined to tell his side of the story at a Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club meeting in December. The book reveals details about rampant bribery and corruption in the city, including Daoud’s own efforts to steer city business to his law firm in exchange for a piece of the pie. On Oct. 29, 1991, with four days left in his term, Daoud was indicted on 41 counts of bribery. He then ratted out his cohorts to save his own ass and reduce his state prison term to only 18 months. In Daoud’s wake fell his alleged corruptor, former Capital Bank Chairman Abel Holtz, who ended up spending six weeks in prison and 4 ½ months on house arrest. Though entertaining, the book has failed to bring down any others, due in part to statutes of limitation and the limited resources of the state attorney’s office.
BEST RAT Michael Stern Envelopes filled with cash are rumored to have built Miami Beach, but the theory isn’t often actually proven. That is until the Miami Beach Building Department began to unravel almost two years ago. The Sept. 13, 2006, arrest of former city Chief Electrical Inspector Thomas Ratner for taking a cash bribe over coffee at Starbucks began a chain reaction that revealed department-wide corruption. Ratner gave up developer and Coral Rock House owner Michael Stern in exchange for a 366-day stay in state prison. Deciding it was better to be a rat than a bitch, Stern wore both audio and video wires, and passed cash for the feds, which led to the arrests of former and present building and planning department employees Andres Villareal, Mohammad R. Partovi and Henry Johnson on charges ranging from bribery to racketeering. The arrest affidavits read like a bad crime novel involving cash placed in toilet paper rolls in the men’s bathroom at City Hall, Rolex watch purchases and cash-filled envelopes. These jailbirds are singing so many songs to save their own asses that people are anxious all around City Hall. Then, in mid-June, police investigators took in Assistant Building Director Grace Escalante for questioning. Hmmm. This scandal just keeps getting better and better.
BEST MANAGED CITY Aventura One of the benefits of having a president-for-life is the continuity. No pesky elections. No sudden change of policies. Government is simple: It’s the president’s way or the highway. Or is it the firing squad? Whatever. But, then again, dictatorships are not about serving the people; they’re about serving the dictator’s interests. So what if there was a hybrid? A government where an elected board of representatives sets the agenda, but day-to-day affairs are run by an unelected official whose term never ends. What would you have there? Aventura. Term limits have forced Aventura’s elected officials to come and go, but not Eric Soroka. He’s been city manager of the “City of Excellence” since 1996. He’s also the guy who really runs the show in Aventura. And he’s not going anywhere. Ever. One reason is that he’s good at what he does — Aventura has the lowest property tax rates in Miami-Dade County. The other reason is that he helps set policy in Aventura in a way that makes Aventura’s part-time mayor and commissioners look good. Yep, presidents-for-life all over the world should send delegates to visit Aventura. They might learn a thing or two on how to retain power for decades without fear of a violent coup.
BEST MANAGED CITY FOR DEVELOPERS North Miami Beach If you want to build a high-rise project in a predominately suburban municipality, you want the North Miami Beach City Council on your side. They don’t call it the “City That Cares” for nothing. When Brian Street wanted to build two 24-story high-rise towers on an old marina near Biscayne Boulevard, the City Council even counted submerged land to ensure the project had the proper zoning for construction. When a group of citizens sued, the city stuck to its guns and fought its own taxpayers in court. And when the court upheld that lawsuit, the city approved the high-rise under a different zoning scheme. Street’s project, Marina Grande, recently went down in flames, but not for lack of trying by NMB officials; Street abandoned the venture because of the poor real estate market. In spite of this downturn, you’ve got to hand it to the NMB City Council. It ignored legal challenges and the grumblings of its own citizens to make this high-rise happen. And for its yeoman’s effort, developers should give the council an award of merit.
BEST GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT Miami-Dade Public Libraries Main branch, 101 W. Flagler St., Miami 305-375-2665 www.mdpls.org Libraries are not so much a county department as they are a community gathering place where you don't have to socialize. Just go in and read a book or magazine or surf the net for free. It’s a fairly quiet atmosphere in the library — one that even mentally disturbed vagrants respect. There are 42 Miami-Dade library branches all over the county, funded by a millage rate in neighborhoods and municipalities lucky enough to try to not set up their own library systems. Residents have access to a system with a budget of more than $106 million a year, 4 million volumes of works, 965 workstations and 408 laptops. Not in the mood to trek to the nearest library branch? Well, if you need to conduct research, you might want to get a Miami-Dade library card anyway. Those who do can access online information databases that just can’t be found in Google.
BEST NEW CITY COMMITTEE Miami Beach Mayor’s Gay Business Ad Hoc Committee The antidote for any ugly run-down neighborhood is to bring in the gays. Just look at South Beach. The Beach, back in the ’80s, was a literal purgatory of dilapidated buildings filled with a surreal mix of people past their prime and poorly dressed criminals in desperate need of some style. Until, that is, throngs of gay men and women swooshed into town and prettied the place up. The curtain quickly went down on God’s Waiting Room, and South Beach became an international runway of fabulous fashionistas. But sadly, just as they sashayed in, gays are strutting out of town in search of new frontiers in such places as the Upper Eastside and Fort Lauderdale. To help bring them back to the Beach, Mayor Matti Herrera Bower formed the Gay Business Ad Hoc Committee, which has already announced big plans to hold Miami Beach’s first gay pride event on April 18, 2009. Whether or not the group can draw the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community back to the sandbar is yet to be seen, but we give the city props for trying.
BEST IGNORED COUNTY ORDINANCE Mandatory Recycling Recycle, it’s the law. Most people don’t know it, but a 1992 Miami-Dade County ordinance requires all businesses and multifamily dwellings to recycle. Granted, the ordinance is only enforced if your neighbor calls and turns you in for a crime, such as throwing bottles in with organic matter, but in the unlikely event that you do get caught and the county actually decides to uphold the law, you could be fined. Multifamily dwellings such as condos must at least recycle newspapers, glass, plastic and aluminum, and steel cans. Businesses have to recycle at least three of the following: high-grade office paper, mixed paper, corrugated cardboard, glass, aluminum and steel (cans, scrap), other metals and scrap production materials, plastics, textiles and wood. If you want to rat someone out, call Miami-Dade’s 311 Answer Center — the county claims it will send a code inspector. The code may be enforced as often as adultery laws, but if you’re the unluckiest person in the world and are levied a fine, it can be as high as $950 per day for up to 20 days.
BEST POLITICAL SCARE Property Tax Reform It seemed like only yesterday that local government had all this money lying around. Developers were proposing ambitious plans for high-rises or McMansions, land speculators were flipping properties and parcels left and right, and property values were moving up, up, up. That meant higher tax collections, so local governments went on major spending sprees — for the public good, of course. But then it turned out that the public could not afford to enjoy all these enhanced services. Last year, Tallahassee lawmakers instituted property tax reforms that forced cities, counties and school districts to tighten their belts. Now, in anticipation of voters passing a constitutional property tax amendment and with property tax assessments slowly dropping, governments are tightening their belts even more. With the economy in the crapper, any bit of tax relief that can be leveraged will be welcome. But that may come at a cost of laying off employees, as Miami-Dade County is prepared to do, and that certainly won’t help the unemployment rate. Hey, here’s an idea to break the cycle of doom: Hold a moratorium on subsidizing ambitious projects for special interests — you know, like building new museums, constructing a baseball stadium or digging underground tunnels. That way we could use the tax money for services and needed infrastructure. Oh, wait, that’s no fun. Aww, heck, just pass out the pink slips. We’re sure the economy will turn around someday.
BEST REASON TO TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION $4-per-gallon gas If $4-per-gallon gas prices aren’t enough to make you park your 10-mile-per-gallon Hummer and take the bus, we don’t know what is. Hey, don’t let the latest American car ads promising you $2.99 per gallon gas for three years or 36,000 miles tempt you to choose a fat SUV over a sensible Toyota Prius hybrid. Gas prices ain’t coming down until we use a lot less of the stuff — it’s all about supply and demand. And with the Chinese sucking the stuff down like spiked punch at a high school prom, the dictators in the Middle East will get richer and richer on our backs, and then use that money to try and take us out. Think about that if spending $100 to fill your tank isn’t reason enough to jump on the train. If politicians see that South Floridians will actually use it, maybe they’ll be forced to build a real public transportation system. Riding the bus certainly isn’t as glamorous as rolling in an Escalade, but it shows you have brains and a sensitive side, and are willing to sacrifice a little bit. Plus, it’ll give you time to read the paper or play games on your iPhone, and leave you with some money to spend on your social life.
BEST REASON TO GO GREEN To Keep Miami Above Water You shouldn’t need any reason to go green other than the fact that it’s the new black, but, just in case, how about if we told you it could prevent Miami and the beaches from becoming Atlantis. It’s not just hippie liberal propaganda. Most scientists agree that the polar icecaps are melting, causing sea levels to rise, as a result of global warming. OK, so what does that mean? Multiple reports and a Google Earth map show sea levels here rising just a couple of meters. Miami and Miami Beach would be largely underwater in that case, and some estimates say it could happen as early as 2070. Think about it.
BEST USE OF FLORIDA SUNSHINE Solar Power We love Florida sunshine for creating our tropical lifestyle. But the sunshine offers something more significant than gorgeous tans and lush scenery — it offers a green way to escape skyrocketing electric bills. Harnessing solar power with cutting-edge technology is the coolest way to power up a whole house. We’re not talking about the old-style rooftop solar panels on stilts (usually for single-use applications for heating water), but an unobtrusive system that uses flexible, thin-film solar panels that look like rubber mats. Fort Lauderdale-based Green Energy Products is rolling out the lightweight, hurricane-proof solar panels on the roof of the first Miami Beach home to get city approval and permitting for the system. The installation captures enough sunshine-generated energy to supply 80 percent of the home’s needs — everything from the toaster to the air conditioning to the double-espresso maker. After further renovations, the house will be 100 percent solar-powered and can be taken “off grid.” On sunny South Florida days, the sun will produce more power than needed and the homeowner can sell his surplus back to Florida Power & Light — switching green solar power to greenbacks. For more, visit www.green-energy-products.com or call 305-251-9630 or 800-639-8796.
BEST POLITICAL FORUM Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club The Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club is a Miami Beach institution and a must-stop on the campaign trail for any candidate trying to make it to City Hall. But it’s not limited to Miami Beach politicians. Speakers, who come from both the public and private sectors, are generally associated with timely headlines and local events — including in the last year Miami-Dade County Mayor Carlos Alvarez, lawsuit-filing car dealer Norman Braman, County Commissioner Bruno Barreiro, ex-jailbird mayor and author Alex Daoud and Miami Beach Commissioners Ed Tobin, Deede Weithorn, Jonah Wolfson and Richard Steinberg. Meant to be a neutral forum, the group has had its share of lively debates and controversy. Founded by activists Mike Burke and Frank Del Vecchio, and moderated by South Beach Hotel & Restaurant Association President David Kelsey, the Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club has been meeting at various locations around the city since 1996. Currently, the 20 or so weekly attendees gather in the back of David’s Café II, 1654 Meridian Ave., each Tuesday from 8:30 to 10 a.m. Word is Del Vecchio and Burke aren’t so happy with Kelsey’s politics, but the way we see it, a little controversy goes a long way toward helping people to think.
BEST PLACE TO PLOT THE OVERTHROW OF THE CASTRO BROTHERS Maximo Gomez Park (Domino Park), Calle Ocho 801 S.W. 15th Ave., at the corner of Eighth Street, Miami 305-285-1684 Though Father Time and a colostomy bag have done more to weaken Fidel Castro’s unconstitutional hold on the Cuban people than any wacky plot hatched in Miami ever did, that doesn’t mean the exile community is done trying. And now that Raul has taken over for his brother, there are two targets to hit. Ground zero for the kill-the-Castro-Bros. movement is Maximo Gomez Park, better known around town as Domino Park. Old men with big cigars hanging loosely from their lips, and some women, sit around square domino tables from morning until night every day. The sound of plastic domino pieces clacking against the tables, the aroma of cigar smoke and the throaty Cuban español set the perfect stage to plan a takeover of the island. Maximo Gomez was the famous general who led Cuba’s independence from Spain, and those who play dominos in this Little Havana park that bears his name dream of the day their beloved island will be liberated from the Castros.
BEST PART-TIME RESIDENT Irvine Welsh Bet you didn’t know that scribbler Irvine Welsh had a pad on South Beach, did you? Well, if you’re a habitué of The Deuce, you did, ’cause that’s where the cat most digs hanging when he’s in town. And if Trainspotting didn’t get you high, Filth didn’t bring you low and Porno didn’t make you randy, then you’d best go back and read ’em again. Then read Crime, due to stand in September, and set in none other than shady South Florida. So there.
BEST COUPLE Alonzo and Tracy Mourning Gifted, gorgeous and generous are just three of many attributes assigned to power couple Alonzo and Tracy Wilson-Mourning. Together, Alonzo, a 2006 NBA champion, and Tracy, who runs her own Honey Child clothing line, balance family, successful careers and charity work, and are among the most prominent philanthropic couples in South Florida. For more than a decade, the pair has demonstrated its commitment to the community by working diligently to support a number of programs for at-risk and foster-care children in Miami-Dade County, particularly through Alonzo Mourning Charities, which has raised more than $6.5 million, primarily through its flagship program, Zo’s Summer Groove. Fundraising efforts have benefited a host of charitable endeavors, including 100 Black Men of South Florida, Children's Home Society of Florida and the Overtown Youth Center. Tracy founded the Honey Shine Mentoring Program as part of AMC five years ago. Honey Shine mentors girls between the ages of 8 and 18 who live in at-risk situations. Tracy’s annual “Hats Off Luncheon” has become a signature social event that grows in participation every year. With that, it’s no surprise that the National Council of Negro Women honored Tracy and Alonzo with the Family of the Year Award in 2005. The SunPost named Tracy one of its 2007 Power Women and, earlier this year, the Blue Cross Blue Shield of Florida Orange Bowl Foundation Field of Dreams Scholarship Benefit honored the Mournings with the Orange Bowl Keith Tribble Trailblazer Award for individuals who have made a significant positive impact in South Florida.
BEST EXAMPLE THAT KARMA CAN BE A BITCH O.J. Simpson’s Vegas Arrest Some say he managed to get away with a near-decapitation that would have made Osama Bin Laden proud, but karma came back like a boomerang up the ass for O.J. Simpson. Many people believe Simpson is guilty of murdering his wife Nicole and her “friend” Ron Goldman, but his dream team of lawyers, including now deceased (karma victim?) Johnnie Cochran, was able to get him off on the old glove-doesn’t-fit defense. Most people in The Juice’s shoes would have counted their blessings and made sure they didn’t get so much as a parking ticket. Not Simpson. He moved from California to the place that worships criminals, Miami-Dade County, and continued to make an ass of himself with minor run-ins with the law, such as in 2004, when he was accused in Miami federal court of pirating DirectTV satellite broadcast signals. Keeping with his past as a star running back, Simpson weaved and bobbed past any charges thrown at him, and remained on the free side of the metal bars. Floating above the law for so long obviously made him feel invincible, a belief that was shattered last year in Vegas when Simpson was charged with criminal conspiracy, kidnapping, assault and robbery in an attempt to get back some of his own sports memorabilia. Call it karma or simple reckless stupidity, but The Juice just might finally get squeezed.
BEST REAL ESTATE BLOG miamicondoinvestments.com Okay, so unless you’ve got business cards with your photo next to some company’s logo, you probably won’t be into this blog. But Realtor Lucas Lechuga’s tips, timely analyses and video walk-throughs of Miami and Miami Beach’s newest albatrosses — ahem, condominiums — throb with the pulse of one of the formerly hottest condo markets in the country. His posts often receive more than 50 comments each, mostly from insiders talking shop or looking for that elusive bargain with a waterfront view. The blog gained national attention in January when legendary local developer Tibor Hollo leveled a $25 million lawsuit against Lechuga for allegedly defaming Hollo in a blog post related to Hollo’s Opera Tower project. Lechuga predicted that Opera Tower in the Omni neighborhood would sit empty when units became available late last year. Well, the lawsuit is no longer making news and bus stop shelters are still advertising Opera Tower units — for rent.
BEST VIRAL VIDEO 299, Parts 1-4 www.radiografiamundial.com/mundial-videos/uprofile.php?UID=36 Want to make your Cuban co-workers laugh their lungs out? Next time you hang out with them, holler “No cray-oh en naw-dee-yay” (translation: “I don’t believe in anyone”) and you’ll have them doubled over in no time. El Pichy Films’ Alejandro Gonzalez and Maikel Rodriguez created an online sensation when they cut scenes from the 2007 comic book blockbuster 300 and dubbed over it with Cuban street slang and a corny plot. The result: more than 1 million hits and three mini-sequels that turned King Leonidas, the Spartans and Persian demigod Xerxes into Havana street toughs battling it out to prove who’s really guapo full-time. It also landed them appearances on local TV and radio shows. Look out for El Pichy’s treatment of the Harry Potter series and Troy.
BEST PLACE TO MEET IPOD COMMERCIAL EXTRAS The Vagabond 30 N.E. 14th St., Miami 305-379-0508 Upon entering brand-new hot spot The Vagabond, you will encounter a cloud of coolness so transformative that your Gap cargo pants will suddenly look defiantly ironic. Whatever underground artist you heard in one of those iPod commercials, these people knew about them months ago. They have job titles like “Mixed Media Artist” and only drink Belgian beer. Don’t run back home thinking you will never be this cool. Stay and enjoy the best local DJs South Florida has to offer in one of the best party venues of the past few years. You may soon find yourself making playlists of rare Indian and Scandinavian hip-hop artists for your friends.
BEST PLACE TO OGLE FEDORA-WEARING HIPSTERS Second Saturdays in Wynwood If fedoras, scarves, free booze and art are your idea of a good time, be sure to hit the Second Saturdays gallery walk in Wynwood. The name says it all. On the second Saturday night of each month, from 7 to 10 p.m., the 50 or so art galleries in Miami’s up-and-coming Wynwood neighborhood open their doors free of charge. It’s like a pub crawl for artists, wannabes and intellectuals. Green bottled beers, wine, funky art and DJs decorate your trip as you stroll from warehouse to warehouse for some of the best people-watching in town. The once-desolate industrial neighborhood just south of the Design District is booming with cutting-edge and experimental art, though it still has an empty feel with few restaurants or cafés. Many of the galleries are clumped together, but others are pretty far apart, so, unless you really like walking, you’ll need a car to see everything. But gems such as the Rubell Family and Margulies Collections, the MOCA at Goldman Warehouse, Locust Projects and the Bakehouse Art Complex make the driving well worth it.
BEST THING TO DO BEFORE A FIRST DATE Background Check In an age where you can get your Vicodin prescription filled on the Web, there is no excuse for unknowingly going on a date with a convicted felon. Before setting out on a first date with that special someone you met at a bar/stoplight/MySpace, take a detective break between your waxing and haircut appointments to run his/her name through a couple of nifty online public records databases. In less than 10 minutes, you can get a dossier of your Mr./Ms. Perfect that will answer such burning questions as: Is he married? Has she ever been arrested? Is he really a doctor? Does she really own that ocean-view condo? Too bad STD lab results aren’t public record. Try these sites: www.miami-dadeclerk.com/dadecoc, www.clerk-17th-flcourts.org, www.fdle.state.fl.us.
BEST PLACE FOR A FIRST DATECreek 28 2727 Indian Creek Drive, Miami Beach 305-531-2727 www.creek28.com You know how people like to say, “I know this charming little restaurant” when asking someone out? You, too, can use that line and impress your date with a dinner at Mediterranean-influenced Creek 28 inside the newly renovated Indian Creek Hotel. Close enough to South Beach to go dancing later, but secluded enough to enjoy an intimate meal, the eclectic décor and lush gardens offer a cozy ambience that will score big with your object of desire. Plus, the menu is sure to please almost anyone, with dishes to please both meat-lovers and vegetarians. Chef Kira Volz put together an elegant menu that shines under the candlelight and the artworks on display. Everything for a picture-perfect date — with a touch of originality to avoid being a cliché — comes together to show your date a relaxed, sophisticated, un-SoBe good time. Best of all, it’s easy on the pocket, with the most expensive dishes being in the $23 range.
BEST TOURIST TRAPOcean Drive Big surprise. The best way to spot a tourist trap is to find the place most locals wouldn’t visit. Anyone who’s ever walked down this sidewalk (which is barely walkable anymore because of all the peddlers, hawkers and excessive outdoor seating areas) knows that this is not South Beach. This is not Miami Beach. This is the SoBe that’s marketed to the world, which hasn’t remotely existed since Will Smith was singing about partying on the beach till the break of dawn in 1998. For the most part, the restaurants serve generic, overpriced menus that usually entail baked tilapia, shrimp scampi and “signature” mojitos that are neither signature nor true mojitos. The waiters have more attitude than Naomi Campbell and are hard-pressed to lift a finger because a 23 percent gratuity is already included in the bill. Ocean Drive is loud, obnoxious and fake — and the tourists flock to it like lambs to the slaughter. We locals roll our eyes to it and the visitors keep on loving it. If that’s not a tourist trap, we don’t know what is.
BEST PLACE TO PEOPLE-WATCHEspañola WayYou probably thought we’d say Lincoln Road. Well, we almost did, because we’re that unimaginative. However, Española Way takes this prize because it truly is so much better than Best Tourist Trap runner-up Lincoln Road. Española Way has crazy-fun characters, such as mimes who don’t like to be called mimes (even though that’s what they are) and random Italian dudes who stand in the middle of the street dressed as Roman legionnaires. You can also spot eccentric socialites and lots of Europeans — and you know they’re always fun to watch. Along with the characters, Española Way has an inviting atmosphere, with amazing 1920s Mediterranean Revival architecture and lively cafés and restaurants. Go. Sit outside and sip on a latte, watch the human parade go by, and see how many people are more curious than you.
BEST PLACE TO MEET A GAY MAN Halo 1625 Michigan Ave., Miami Beach 305-534-8181 www.haloloungemiami.com OK, let’s start with a clarification: We’re not saying this is the best place to meet a future husband. But if you’re a guy who wants to meet another guy — whether it is to hook up for one night or date for a week (which is a long-term relationship by South Beach standards) — Halo offers a smorgasbord of diversity in a setting that doesn’t pander to the lowest common denominator. In other words, no go-go boys in jock straps or soft-core porn on TV monitors to distract or titillate. As fun as those elements might be, they’re not exactly conducive to meeting men. Halo’s got the cool atmosphere of a New York City lounge, with white décor, soft lighting, generous drinks and booming beats on the sound system. In fact, other than listening to music (which is usually pretty good), there’s not much to do in Halo but meet other men. There is no chance to be a wallflower here, and in this case it’s a good thing. It’s rare when a gay bar offers the chance to actually socialize and make conversation, so take advantage of Halo while it’s still around and go meet some guys.
BEST MIDNIGHT VIEW OF THE MIAMI SKYLINE Key Biscayne Bridge The $1 toll is worth it. There’s still no better bargain in Miami than a midweek excursion across the Rickenbacker Causeway, where you can U-turn, pull off and enjoy the view. Our city still gives off that famous pastel neon hue visible for miles. And if you squint just right, you can pretend those half-finished condo liths and adjoining cranes are an army of Japanese manga monsters stomping South Florida back into the Dark Ages. But, hey, maybe that’s just the romantic in us.
BEST SECRET GARDEN The Kampong 4013 S. Douglas Road, Coconut Grove 305-442-7169 www.ntbg.org/gardens/kampong.php Tucked along Biscayne Bay, The Kampong was the home of Dr. Eleanor Galt Simmons, the first woman to practice medicine in Dade County; a French count; J.W. Ewan, known as the “Duke of Dade”; and our own Indiana Jones, David Fairchild, who bought the property in 1916 and made it his home until his death in 1954. During that time, he and his wife Marian turned the property into a tropical paradise and hosted parties for such famous visitors as Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. The Kampong tours are available by appointment. Adults, $10; students 7 or older, $5; children 6 and under, free.
BEST PLACE TO WALK OR JOG Venetian Causeway Long known as the causeway of choice for drug addicts walking back and forth between Overtown and Miami Beach, the 2.5-mile Venetian Causeway is also a fantastically scenic route for regular folks to get a workout. The bike lanes running down either side of the road offer a passageway safe from cars and trucks. Starting on the beach side and running west across the first bridge, the view of sailboats moored in the tropical water is breathtaking. Land begins again on Belle Island, and you run past the Standard Hotel and then over a drawbridge to Rivo Alto Island, where Mediterranean-style homes with boat docks out back fill you with a feeling of importance. Maybe it’s the nirvana of a runner’s high, but the causeway begins to take on a magical quality as you cross Di Lido Island onto San Marino Island and go over another little bridge to San Marco Island before the downtown skyline comes into view. If you’re in shape, turn around and head back on foot. If not, take the A bus or call a friend.
BEST PARK Greynolds Park 17530 W. Dixie Highway, North Miami Beach 305-945-3425 A typical park features a few swings, a slide, a couple of benches and some patches of green grass — all of which we’re thankful for because public green space is a wonderful refuge from the stresses of everyday life and a healthy alternative to alcohol and other mind-altering substances (though we do admit that playing on a swing or slide while intoxicated, although dangerous, can be fun). But there’s nothing like a park with 249 acres of grass, waterways, trees, exercise equipment, playgrounds, benches, volleyball courts, biking trails, a nine-hole golf course and a cabin area. Greynolds Park in North Miami Beach used to be a rock quarry until its owner, A.O. Greynolds, deeded the land to Dade County as a park in 1936. The park was then built by landscape architect William Lyman Phillips, renowned for his contribution in creating Fairchild Tropical Gardens in Coral Gables, and the Civilian Conservation Corps. A metal gate surrounds and protects the boathouse Phillips designed, but nothing prevents the public from enjoying the 42-foot hill he built with a limestone castle on top — for decades a favorite spot for kids adventurous enough to roll down the grassy hillside.
BEST BEACH North Shore Open Space Park Between 79th and 86th streets, west of Collins Avenue, Miami Beach 305-673-7720 This seven-block-wide park is a lushly landscaped conduit to the Atlantic Ocean. North Shore Open Space Park has the prerequisite playground equipment, park benches and barbecue cookers that every park has, though, let’s face it, the primary attraction is not the park’s amenities, but the pulsating sea and sandy beaches that lie just beyond the native vegetation. On weekdays, the beaches here are far less packed with humans than the shores farther south, providing plenty of room to sunbathe or swim. For those who prefer the people factor in their beach excursions, the weekends feature a potpourri of sunbathers — young and old, families and singles, modest and topless — staking their claim to the sand and sea.
BEST BEACH TO TAN ALL OVER Third Street Beach Boobies! Sorry, that was completely inappropriate. Breasts! OK, that’s better. Anyway, if you want to tan ’em, Haulover Beach, the infamous “clothing optional” beach at the north end of the county, is not the place to do it. Let us just remind you who lives up there — retirees in condos. There, they let it all hang out — and oh, boy, does it hang. If you’re looking for the real goods, they’re on Third Street, but they’re hardly, well, real.
BEST DOG PARK Amelia Earhart Bark Park 401 E. 65th St., Hialeah 305-685-8389 Keeping your dog active is not only humane, it will also serve as a deterrent from destructive and aggressive behavior. Keep that canine cabin fever away by giving Fido a break from the leash at the Amelia Earhart Bark Park. The five acres of doggie exuberance are equipped with pools, agility-training courses, water fountains and a sand play area. For safety purposes, the park is split into big dog and little dog playpens, and has a park master present to make sure no doggie fights erupt. So just relax at the tree-shaded picnic tables while Rover has the time of his life. The park is open seven days a week from sunrise to sunset. Entrance fee is $5 per car.
BEST PLACE TO CHECK YOUR E-MAIL FOR FREE The Apple Store 19575 Biscayne Blvd., Aventura; 305-692-4448 8888 S.W. 136th St., Miami; 305-234-4565 738 Lincoln Road, Miami Beach; 305-421-0400 www.apple.com/retail Forget Kinkos, your archaic cell-phone Web browser or breaking into someone’s house: The Apple Store is a great place to check your e-mail for free. There, the Mac Geniuses not only let you do it, they want you to: It gets you using — and presumably falling in love with — Mac computers. (However, the PC word is not allowed, or Justin Long might just spring out of a laptop and hogtie you with a white power cord.) Anyway, go by the Apple Store and try it out. Let us know what happens — and if that Mac guy gives you any trouble, e-mail us and we’ll come to your rescue.
BEST HIP HOTEL The Standard 40 Island Ave., Miami Beach 305-673-1717 www.standardhotels.com/miami A spa hotel and total wellness center, The Standard has become the benchmark for hip and cool in Miami Beach. Hotelier André Balazs’ rebirth of the former kitschy MiMo (Miami Modern) Lido Spa on the Venetian Causeway is just a few minutes from the action, off the beaten path of beachfront high-rise hotels, giving it a serenity the others can’t match. The theme of the hotel is a sleepover spa miles away from the unpleasant realities of everyday life. Pranayama and Tibetan meditation classes and yoga sessions are open to hotel guests and the public, as is the bayfront pool. The hotel’s laid-back vibe encourages guests to relax in white robes and flip-flops and forget daily stresses. Each of the 105 hotel rooms has a private veranda and outdoor tub. Rooms run from $245 to $850, but for the summer, you can stay two nights, spa included, from a mere $399. If you want a real and hip hotel without the silicone, designer showoffs, heavy makeup and loud people looking for attention, it’s all about The Standard.
BEST ART DECO HOTEL The Raleigh 1775 Collins Ave., Miami Beach 305-534-6300 www.raleighhotel.com The Raleigh, built in 1940, was designed by Lawrence Murray Dixon, a defining architect of the Tropical Art Deco style. The Raleigh was one of the hottest hotels in Florida, but fell into neglect in the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s. Renovated in 1991, The Raleigh was one of the first grand Miami Beach hotels to be brought back to life as the city went through its renaissance. But as properties like the Delano were resurrected, The Raleigh once again lost its luster. The lights began to shine again in a big way in 2004 when the Art Deco hotel was taken over by André Balazs, the hip hotelier behind Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, The Mercer in SoHo and The Standard, to name a few. One unforgettably significant feature of The Raleigh is its elaborately curvaceous swimming pool. The stage for Esther Williams’ water ballets, the pool was voted one of Florida’s most beautiful by Life magazine in the ’40s and is no less impressive today. Renovated, but perfectly in tune with its 1940s Art Deco birth, The Raleigh is a must-stay.
BEST BOUTIQUE HOTEL Hotel Victor 1144 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach 305-779-8888 www.hotelvictorsouthbeach.com Even though it’s on horrid Ocean Drive, Hotel Victor is a breath of fresh air in a landfill of Eurotrash. From the moment you walk in, you’ll find the kind of soothing tranquility that can usually be seen only in upscale furniture catalogs. Rich colors and textures fill every space of this 88-room hotel operated by Hyatt Hotels that was redesigned by Jacques Garcia. Inspired by 1930s Art Deco, the ambience revolts against minimalism without going overboard with indulgence, providing a sensual and organic guest experience where whims and pleasures are granted. The on-site restaurant, Vix, is only one of the most celebrated restaurants to open in Miami Beach in recent years, and the pool deck is one of the most relaxing settings on Ocean Drive. Sitting right next door to Casa Casuarina (the Versace mansion), Hotel Victor is an oasis in the middle of all the action.
BEST MIMO HOTEL Fontainebleau 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach 305-538-2000 www.bleaumiamibeach.com We’ve always said that anything that’s good enough for James Bond is good enough for us. And since he and Auric Goldfinger traded barbs in the Fontainebleau, the hotel is very near and dear to our vicarious little hearts. But since its inception in 1954, the Fontainebleau has been a hallmark of the architectural movement now known as MiMo, or Miami Modern. Nobody in Miami helped define this unique style more than architect Morris Lapidus, whose crowning achievement was the Fontainebleau. The hotel has recently undergone a full-scale $1 billion renovation to bring it into the new millennium while keeping the distinct MiMo influences that make it a Miami Beach landmark. Gone are the dated guest rooms and in are plush suites with oversized bathrooms, state-of-the-art appliances and elegant amenities that include new dipping pools, a redesigned abstract bow-tie pool and a 40,000-square-foot luxury spa facility. Enough of the resort has been changed to bring it out of the Sean Connery past and into the Daniel Craig future. Although the hotel has been partially open, the whole of the new Fontainebleau will debut in July, ushering a new era for this Miami Beach institution.
BEST SWIMMING POOLGansevoort South2377 Collins Ave., Miami Beach 305-604-1000 www.gansevoortsouth.com The Gansevoort actually has two swimming pools, but we couldn’t decide which one was better. On one hand, there is the Pool Plaza, which is an expansive infinity-edge pool overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Everything about this pool, in spite of being partially surrounded by the Gansevoort’s luxury guest suites, screams serenity. There is an outdoor café, a bar and a Jacuzzi to unwind. Then there’s the Rooftop Beach Club pool, which would be an ordinary plunge pool if it weren’t 18 stories above the ground. Magnificent is an inadequate word to describe the view from that deck, which is lined with palm trees and cabanas. And at night, this same deck transforms into one of the sweetest lounges on Miami Beach. Access to these pool retreats is fairly exclusive, but once you’ve been there, you’ll agree that other Miami pools just don’t compare.
BEST REASON TO LEAVE SOUTH FLORIDA The Traffic Stop. I-95 northbound is a mess. Go. The traffic heading south most mornings is at a standstill. Stop. Biscayne Boulevard is in a constant state of construction. Go. A trip to South Beach may sound like fun, but sitting in a traffic jam for an hour and then having to take out a second mortgage to pay for parking isn’t. Stop. Flying out of town can also end up being a traffic problem as it often involves a trip on 836, which is a nightmare. Go. The only way out of this situation is to leave South Florida completely or move to SoBe and never leave the beach. Stop. Unfortunately, though, pursuing the latter involves becoming one of those really boring people who, well, never leaves the beach. Go. But, on the upside, you’ll certainly save on gas. Stop. And, go.
BEST DAY TRIP Islamorada The two-hour trip to this Monroe County island makes the destination worthwhile. After navigating through congested traffic jams on the turnpike, eventually you reach the U.S. 1 exit and enter suburban Homestead, with nondescript strip malls and unusual tourist attractions, before finding yourself surrounded by a sea of grass with islands of trees in the distance. As you continue south on U.S. 1, that sea of grass is replaced with seas of transparent blue water, and you discover that those islands of trees are actual islands. Farther south, in Key Largo, a series of seafood restaurants, tiki bars and tourist traps beg you to stop. Keep driving and you’ll soon reach Islamorada, a municipality consisting of four islands. Upon arriving, even with your windows closed, you will be hit with a lethargic effect. Your big-city mind will instantly transform and your only priority will be to find a nice body of water to gaze at and swim. We recommend Islamorada Founders Park, where a small sandy beach beckons. But don’t freak out when you get into the water — you’ll be swimming among natural sea grass. Then take a break and stop at one of the many restaurants, enjoy a fresh seafood dish and a few bottles of Land Shark, Monroe County’s native beer. Then you must make a choice — continue driving south toward the overhyped world of Key West, turn north toward the urban jungle of Miami-Dade and Broward counties or stay and watch the sun set. You may even want to check into a motel. With botanical gardens, water parks, restaurants, bars and scuba diving readily available, there’s plenty to do in Islamorada and no real hurry to do it.
Runner-Up: Everglades City A mere 87 miles from Lincoln Road, driving to Everglades City is a day trip to another world. If you must take a car, do so, but if you’ve got a motorcycle, that’s the way to go — just make sure to wear a full-face helmet if you don’t like eating bugs. Anyway, hop onto 836 all the way to the turnpike, get off at the Southwest Eighth Street/Tamiami Trail exit and head west, young adventurer! If you’re hungry, stop by Pit Bar-B-Q at 16400 S.W. Eighth St. for the best barbecue you ever did taste. Then take your sticky fingers and motor down the street a few miles to the Miccosukee Resort & Gaming at the corner of Krome Avenue and Tamiami Trail; pull a few slots while you cool off in the air conditioning and prepare to head out into the Everglades. Hop back on the road and continue west. If frog legs, deep-fried alligator bits and airboat rides are your thing, tiny Coopertown offers it all. Farther west, stop to show a little respect to plane crash victims at the ValuJet Flight 592 Memorial, just off the road about six miles from Coopertown. When you finally make it to Everglades City (about 37 miles east of Naples), you’ll find a world of wooden houses on stilts, hunting shacks, quaint motels and adventure guides vying to take you out into the swamp. Enjoy some fresh stone crabs down on the docks and then wander out into the ’Glades. Just watch out for gators and the elusive Skunk Ape.
BEST NEIGHBORHOOD IN WHICH TO LEARN RUSSIAN Sunny Isles Beach Dubbed Little Moscow, Sunny Isles Beach is to the Russian language what Hialeah is to Spanish. Russian delis, real estate agencies and hair salons are busy with people speaking Russian. There are even free newspapers written in Russian Cyrillic, such as Reklama Miami and Russian Contour. If you want to practice speaking the language or just enjoy a little bit of Russian culture, stop by the St. Petersburg Deli at 17080 Collins Ave. and order some smoked sturgeon, borscht or one of the more than 100 Russian beers in stock. There’s a Russian-language bulletin board with people offering all sorts of goods and services, from language classes to house-cleaning. Sit outside and it’s likely you won’t hear a word of English or Spanish as you enjoy a heavy, out-of-Miami meal.
BEST CROWD MAGNET Art Basel When Art Basel comes to town every year, crowds of skinny, pale-faced New Yorkers and Europeans bring a hip international energy and legitimacy to Miami’s art districts that just aren’t here the other 360 days of the year. Since 2002, the crème de la crème of the contemporary art world have flown in from all over the world, bringing with them the best in visual culture their hometowns have to offer. The four-day art fair is the most important in the United States, and at the top of the list worldwide. The works of more than 2,000 artists represented by 200 galleries were displayed in the Miami Beach Convention Center and other beach spots last year. Art Basel has become such a juggernaut (attracting more than 40,000 people last year) that the once-important Art Miami decided to run at the same time to ride the wave, as did more than 15 major satellite fairs. Although some say it’s grown too big, for art and style lovers alike, Art Basel can’t be touched.
BEST FASHION SHOW Chanel’s Come Fly With Us The legendary House of Chanel hosted Come Fly With Us on Sept. 26 to preview the line’s 2008 Resort and Cruise Collection at a private airplane hangar at the Opa-locka Executive Airport. This fabulously fashionable event, presented by Saks Fifth Avenue Dadeland, benefited the Golden Angels, a recognition society of the Jackson Memorial Foundation. The exclusive fête made fashion history by offering the first look at the collection, even before it was shown in Paris or Milan. In keeping with the theme, guests received boarding passes upon arrival welcoming them to Golden Angel Class on the Chanel Line. As usual, Chanel spared no expense. The event featured a custom Gulfstream III private jet, emblazoned with the Chanel logo, in the hangar where the party took place. Once the jet’s doors opened, models clad in head-to-toe Chanel deplaned onto the runway. The runway was the runway. Guests enjoyed cocktails and a gourmet sit-down dinner, and parted with gifts that included Chanel perfume and an exclusive Chanel jacket pin.
BEST GOLF COURSE The Doral’s Blue Monster 4400 N.W. 87th Ave., Miami 305-592-2000 Of the Doral’s five courses, none are more famous than the World Golf Championship-host Blue Monster course. A 7,125-yard leviathan whose bunkers will swallow the best-placed of wedges, the Monster is best appreciated by those with handicaps below 100. If you can’t shoot your weight, this course will have you tossing your driver into the adjacent forest before you can say “Fore!”
BEST MIAMI HEAT PLAYER WHO’S NOT DWYANE WADE Marcus Banks What, a backup point-guard with an erratic jumper? Better than Shawn Marion or Udonis Haslem? That’s right, because the journeyman Banks’ inflated $3.9 million salary, so generously doled out by the Phoenix Suns in 2006, was the chess piece that allowed the Heat to unload the Big Albatross, Shaquille O’Neal (due $40 million in the next two years) to the Valley of the Sun in exchange for soon-to-be-superstar Marion Banks, who at 26 will be a viable backup point for years to come, and a horrendous record down the stretch that afforded all the Heat’s key players a half-season of rest. Oh, that, and the No. 2 pick in this June’s top-heavy NBA draft. Paging Derrick Rose: Please report to Madison Square Garden for your one-way ticket to MIA.
BEST MIAMI DOLPHINS PLAYER Reagan Mauia Watching the 1-15 ’Fins last year, it would be reasonable to assume their anemic offense had contracted some kind of virus. But Mauia is the only member of 2007’s moribund Miami team to claim to have actually gone viral. Mauia is the star of a YouTube video that shows the then-Hawaii Rainbow Warrior blasting through an overmatched Sheetrock weight room wall, falling through the other side and coming to his feet screaming the now-played-out, “I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!” in what we can only hope was a festive Samoan ’roid rage. Mauia’s video has been viewed more than 337,000 times, and that’s just the main entry. With only one nationally televised game last year and a team that is picked to finish last in the AFC East this year, the ’Fins may need to use their starting fullback to, ahem, break through the wall.
BEST FLORIDA MARLINS PLAYER Hanley Ramirez And just like that, we’re relevant again! After a winter that had fans cursing the Loria name after his team traded pudgy slugger Miguel Cabrera and over-the-hill-at-26 fireballer Dontrelle Willis, the Marlins really pushed their luck by convincing the city of Miami and Miami-Dade County to foot the bill on $360 to $410 million (depending whom you ask) of the planned $525 million stadium. Angry Miami residents cited the team’s poor performance, talentless roster, disinterest in re-signing star players like Cabrera and Willis, and general disinterest in Marlins baseball as reasons not to toss cash at South Florida’s major league squad. Then, out of nowhere, the Fish hit a seven-game winning streak in early May. And as icing on the cake, the team on May 17 signs A-Rod-esque Hanley Ramirez, 24, to a bargain $70 million contract that will keep the best shortstop in the NL in South Florida until 2014. Looks like those Stevie B and Lisa Lisa flashback concerts won’t be the only reason to head out to the ball game.
BEST SPORTS TEAM IN MIAMI Northwestern High School Football Bulls It would be tempting to imagine the national champion Bulls lining up and playing a Division I college program. But those who watch the Miami Hurricanes next year won't have to imagine, because most of these blue-chip homegrown prospects will be staying here in town — trading in their trademark gold and blue uniforms for orange and green, and their Liberty City addresses for Coral Gables. The Bulls tore through the hardest prep schedule in the nation, going undefeated and beating then-No. 1 Southlake Carroll (Texas) in its home state, proving that the rich kids with the best toys don't always win. Front office failures, botched draft picks and prima-donna pro players pretending to be injured may all sour our sports landscape, but they will never change the fact that South Florida grows the fastest, strongest and most skilled athletes in the entire country, and Northwestern is the ultimate example of that. |
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and global warming melting the polar icecaps, we may soon be paddling our
way around town again. But why worry about such unpleasant issues? Our
fearless local leaders have a plan to save us by spending $3 billion of
our hard-earned tax dollars on things they say we really need, such as a
new baseball stadium, new and improved museums, a port tunnel and, if
we’re really lucky, maybe even a streetcar system. How will these projects
improve our lives? Don’t ask such silly questions. Just trust the honest,
hard-working politicians who got us into this mess in the first place.
After all, they know best, don’t they?