The 411

Nov. 20, 2008

Fontainebleaun Away

 

By Kris Conesa

And just like that, the Fontainebleau single-handedly shifted the South Beach paradigm to include everything up to 45th Street. I’m predicting that soon there will be a run on Vespas despite this sinking economy. I’m betting that trendsters and hipsters alike who had previously never ventured past the confines of South Beach all of a sudden will find themselves itching to partake in the glamour and opulence that can best be described as Vegas by the Sea.

Whereas before Mokaï, and more recently the Gansevoort South, served as the border of all things cool, the Hollywood-caliber reopening of this iconic landmark is a welcome annexation to the South Beach scene.

For those unfortunate souls who for whatever reason missed out on the most dazzling Miami weekend in the history of Miami weekends, here’s the play-by-play. It’s so good you can lie to all your friends and say you were there. Take notes to refer to later, though. There are a lot of haters out there who would just love to catch you in a lie.

I ended up smack-dab in the middle of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Hudson, Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, Terrence Howard, and so many other celebs it was all anyone could do to keep from bumping into somebody famous. In fact, I’m pretty sure I bumped in John Stamos a few times.

Where to begin? Well, after abandoning the red carpet just after A-Rod strolled in and got booed by the crowd of onlookers as he posed for some pics, I entered one of the ballrooms where Oscar-nominated Terrence Howard took the stage singing, showing off some considerable talent. Martha Stewart was taking pictures. What more do you have to say? Awesome.

The crowd then settled in and got a bit more acclimated. After feasting on some drinks and a cornucopia of finger foods, the real show began. Security politely ushered the crowd into an even bigger ballroom where a much-hyped surprise performer would soon take the stage. That billion-dollar director, Brett Ratner introduced her to the crowd.

“It is my pleasure to introduce the greatest voice of our time…” Ratner said.

Then Mariah Carey started belting out those seven-octave, glass-shattering vocal chords and the crowd went absolutely bonkers. That’s right. The super secret performer was in fact none other than Mimi herself.

Paris Hilton and her BFFs started getting up on the couches, dancing and singing along. They knew all the words.

Kim Kardashian, who in my humble estimation was the most drop-dead gorgeous woman in a crowd that consisted of even Victoria Secret supermodels, knew every word and was serenading everyone around her.

“Oh man, she was absolutely ravishing. She looked like a little doll with that black dress and her hair all back. Breathtaking,” said Nicola Siervo, co-owner of Mokaï. “She gave me a kiss on the cheek and it left this bright red lipstick on my face, people kept telling me I had something on my face, but I tell them, ‘Hey man, those are Kim Kardashian’s lips, I may never wash it off.’”

Kourtney Kardashian and Kristin Cavallari, who at this point had very much indulged in the free drinks, were stumbling and acting crazy by the middle of night.

According to one partygoer, “They were definitely very trashed, especially Kourtney. She was wobbling as she walked out of the restroom.”

When they came back, Siervo wanted everyone to head to Blade, one of the hotel’s lounge/sushi bars, where the after-party was being held. Security cleared a path for him, Kourtney and Cavallari as they all stumbled their way toward the lounge. Cavallari was screaming at them to slow down,

“Do you see these shoes?! Do you see the size of this heel? Slow down. I’m not going to make it,” Cavallari.

Meanwhile, Siervo was yelling out, “I want 20 bottles of Vodka for everyone!”

Once inside Blade, more and more people started piling in. Mario Lopez sat at a corner table checking his BlackBberry all night, while A-Rod and Madonna gal pal Ingrid Casares sat at a table, deep in conversation. Out on the patio, Anthony Michael Hall was yelling out, “Who’s got weed!?” while Russell Simmons was hitting on, like, his fifth different girl of the evening. 

“Taylor Momsen [who is underage!] from Gossip Girls was making out with Heidi’s boss from The Hills,” witnessed one partier. 

All in all, the shindig was really something. I left around 4 a.m. and it was still going on. As I left I bumped into John Stamos again. He was hitting on some blonde girl with short hair and a shorter dress. Terrence Howard was also leaving with same beautiful woman he had been holding hands with all night.

Spilling Victoria’s Secret

The following night was the much-hyped Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Many of the same faces from the night before made their way to the show, which will be televised for all to see on Dec. 3. Afterwards, everyone, I mean EVERYONE, piled into what will certainly be the newest and coolest place to be seen on the scene, LIV.

It’s an amazing new venue sure to attract all manner of A-listers. The name is the Roman numeral for 54, the year the hotel first opened its doors, in case you were wondering. Oh, and when I said everyone was there, well, I meant everyone except Paris Hilton, her crew and her ex.

That’s correct according those badasses at Status Miami, who were the promoters at Mokaï, where a few celebrities made their way to after Saturday’s show.

“Paris, and three of her girlfriends came in around 2:30 or 3 a.m., and Stavros [Niarchos] was already there. Paris and crew came in through the back door and were quickly seated at the owner Nicola Siervo’s private table to the right of the DJ booth. Mario Lopez also came by their table and chatted with them for a bit,” said Ari Kaplan.

“Paris and Stavros were definitely being friendly with each other, but no one saw them making out or anything. The two were talking to each other for a while and having a great time. They were whispering to each other and getting very close,” Kaplan said.

Spotted at the Fontainebleau:

Alex Rodriguez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson, Chris Brown, Usher, Brett Ratner, Diddy, John Stamos, Mariah Carey, Amaury Nolasco, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, Paris Hilton, James Lesure, Mario Lopez, Jessica Lowndes, Gabrielle Union, Stacy Keibler, George Hamilton, Terrence Howard, Kristen Cavallari, Gloria and Emilio Estefan, Stavros Niarchos, Heidi Klum, Nick Cannon, Amanda Beard, Becki Newton, Brody Jenner, Cee-Lo “Gnarls Barkley,” Chloë Sevigny, Eva La Rue, Eve, Jason Lewis, Jeff Gordon and Michelle Trachtenberg.

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