Miami SunPost

Michael "Mr. Miami Beach" Aller, Graziano Sbroggio, and a guest

…said Graziano Sbroggio when asked about the unfortunate weather that tried to drown out his otherwise spectacular party. It was an event to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Sbroggio’s restaurant TiramesU. Held at the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens, which was transformed into a partyland and completely tricked out with a full bar, outdoor kitchen, pizza oven, drink stations, screen projections and, of course, the beautiful people that reminded everyone why Miami, once again, was named the best looking city in the country.

Woot woot!

Not a drag queen. Damn.

More guests of questionable identity.

Date: Friday, September 19, 2008
Subject: DUI SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT
Operation: “DRUNK DRIVING: OVER THE LIMIT. UNDER ARREST”

The Miami Police Department and the Florida Highway Patrol will be conducting a Multi-Agency DUI checkpoint and Saturation Patrol on Friday, September 19, 2008 in the vicinity of the Biscayne Blvd. & NE 10 Street. The checkpoint will be conducted during the hours of 7:00 PM – 3:00 AM. The goal of this checkpoint is to identify and apprehend these impaired drivers before they can kill or injure others.

The Miami Police Departments and the police agencies participating in this operation will show zero tolerance for motorists who violate Florida’s traffic laws.

This effort is in conjunction with the Florida Sustained DUI Enforcement Program, “2008 Drunk Driving: Over the limit, Under Arrest” and the “2008 Buckle Up Florida: Click It or Ticket” Campaigns. The goal of the Drunk Driving: Over the Limit, Under Arrest program is to save lives.

Members of the local media are invited and encouraged to support our effort by providing live news coverage. For additional information, please call (305) 603-6525.

For more information on the Florida Drunk Driving: Over the Limit. Under Arrest program, and the Florida Click It or Ticket Program, visit their websites at www.fl-dui.com and www.clickitfla.com.

So, this morning I go to the post office in North Miami Beach to mail a package. Nothing too unusual about that, but upon arrival I walk right into an argument between two dudes:

“I was in world war two” said the older guy. “I was in Vietnam” said the second, “What’s your point?”

Then the WWII veteran said something I didn’t catch.  “That’s typical of you people” the Vietnam vet said.

“You people! That’s anti-semite. Are you racist?” Said the old dude.

Then the other guy said something I never thought I would hear on government property, especially on this day of all days, and within site of the flag and a smirking portrait of the President of the United States.

“I’m Aryan”

“And you’re proud of that?” Said the old guy.

The racist piece of shit just nodded as the teller called the old guy and his wife to be served. Thankfully, the altercation ended there.

However, I couldn’t quite believe what I had heard so I just stood and stared at this veteran of a foreign war who looked another veteran in the eye and spoke to him with such hate. He looked back at me, and seemed to want to connect, for me to acknowledge him and agree with his position. But, I could not and did not, all I could think of was what an asshole he was and I’m sure the disgust on my face showed that. But, I took comfort in the fact that although there are people like him walking among us, this nation has come a long way from his kind being in the majority - one of our major political parties has nominated a black man to be their candidate for president. How cool is that? And, I was glad that this incident was shocking to me. The hatred of someone because they are different should always shock. It’s not the American way.

Mynor Aroldo Garcia-Medrano is the murder suspect

Police are looking for Mynor Aroldo Garcia-Medrano. The 24-year-old Guatemalan national is being called “the subject” in the stabbing death of a black female whose body was found at approximately 7:30 a.m., September 8 between two buildings that are under construction in the 1100 block of Collins Court. It is believed that Garcia-Medrano is the man caught on surveillance tape running from the scene between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. He was wearing a white Polo style shirt, dark pants and dark shoes, and may have had blood on his clothing.

The victim, whose name hasn’t been released, was stabbed multiple times. Police Chief Carlos Noriega told the SunPost that the scene was very bloody, and that a lot of DNA was gathered.

Part of the delay in identifying the victim is that her hands were bagged so as not to disturb any bits of skin or other DNA that may have been left behind during a struggle with the suspect. Thus, fingerprints could not be taken at the scene.

Anyone with information related to the case, such as Garcia-Medrano’s whereabouts, can call 305-471-TIPS or the Miami Beach Police Department at 305-673-7945.

There’s a little saying that you aren’t a resident of Miami Beach until you’ve been robbed at least twice.

With that in mind, it is with great disgust that Murmurs pronounces SunPost Managing Editor Ben Torter a citizen of this greasy, flier-laden sandbar many times over.

Chalk it up to karma, or simply living in a town full of gypsies, tramps and thieves, Torter has had yet another motorcycle stolen.  That brings the grand theft total, since he crashed and burned onto the beach in 1997, to three bicycles, an apartment break-in, in which thieves got away with a laptop computer, jewelry, and a television, and two motorcycles.

Sometime in the early morning hours of Labor Day, thieves managed to blow-torch through a heavy Kryptonite chain, and lift a 500-pound BMW R1200GS into a truck with the alarm blaring, without anyone noticing a thing. The robbery occurred at his apartment building on Fourth Street between Washington and Collins Avenues in the fabulous South of Fifth neighborhood.

Torter wasn’t the only person associated with the SunPost to be robbed last week. John Fennessey, the former assistant to the publisher, who shared the spotlight with Torter in an Aug. 29 Murmurs blog entry (see below) was also robbed. His 1988 Toyota Camry with 210,000 miles was stolen in the 1500 block of West Avenue between 8:30 a.m. and 1 p.m. on Wednesday.

“The coincidence is really creepy and leaves me feeling very paranoid,” Torter told Murmurs. “And just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean people don’t have it out for you. Hell, we aren’t in the business of making friends here at the SunPost.”

Anyway, the first time Torter had a motorcycle stolen was in November of 2005 in the 7800 block of Collins Avenue. Thieves cut the frame of his 2004 R1150GS to get the free it from the chains locking it to a heavy stainless steel I-bolt sunk into the concrete of his condo parking garage floor. Police never found that bike, and told him it would be a miracle if they found the one stolen on Monday.

Here are some hard numbers on motorcycle theft in Miami Beach: A total of 293 were stolen in 2003, 320 in 2004, 220 in 2005, 195 in 2006, and 227 in 2007. This year between Jan. 1 and June 30, there were 136 stolen. If the same number of motorcycles is stolen in the second half of the year, the grand total will be 272, meaning an upswing.

Now that Torter no longer has transportation, he told Murmurs walking back and forth to work has given him more time to notice the decrepit and filthy state of the sidewalks on along Washington Avenue. Poetic justice perhaps, having written several stories quoting resident gripes about the “shoddy” condition of the strip.

“Looking on the bright side,” he told Murmurs. “At least these rotten criminals have forced me to get more exercise.

Moments later he slipped in a puddle of French fry grease in front of McDonald’s, nearly crushing a sleeping wino.

Residents of Miami-Dade County will get to vote on whether or not cities should be forced to use Miami-Dade Fire Rescue, or if they can shop around for better deals with other fire departments.

After cracking jokes about “cherry picking” and taking pot shots at both the judgment and accuracy of the Miami Herald, county commissioners voted unanimously to put the following question on the Nov. 4 ballot.

“Shall the charter be amended to require that the board of county commissioners provide a uniform, countywide system of fire protection and rescue services for all incorporated and unincorporated areas of the county with the exception of the cities of Miami, Miami Beach, Hialeah, Coral Gables, and Key Biscayne which may provide for fire and rescue protection services in those cities?”

The decision is a compromise to a hostile takeover attempt by Miami-Dade Fire Rescue of the five fire departments from the aforementioned cities, and means a cease-fire.

Still, not everyone was satisfied with the solution.

Richard Steinberg, a Miami Beach commissioner, soon-to-be state representative, president of the Miami-Dade League of Cities, and all around man about town felt the item was rushed without enough discussion. His points were well taken, although he made the mistake of using the Miami Herald in his argument from the podium.

“I think the Herald, to some extent, was right on point this morning,” Steinberg said. “…Here we are in a last minute rush without significant conversation with the League of Cities, that represents the municipalities in this community, and basically trying to ask people from other jurisdictions to determine what is right in each of our municipalities.”

County commission chairman Bruno Barreiro gave Steinberg a chance to finish his thoughts before bitch-slapping him.

“Thank you commissioner,” Barreiro said. “Just a comment on the Herald issue. As I recall in their endorsements, you got elected and they weren’t recommending you, so sometimes we don’t have to go by everything we read in the paper.”

The paper had recommended North Bay Village Mayor Joe Geller, calling him more mature than Steinberg. And just a reminder, in that endorsement they made the mistake of calling Geller the “former” mayor.

The shots against the McClatchy darling didn’t end there.

“Sometimes it’s not accurate,” said Hermino Lorenzo, Director of Miami-Dade Fire Rescue, referring to the Herald. “That’s why I tend not to read it.”

And the antics continued.

Commissioner Katy Sorenson expounded about cherries and Rudy Guiliani, while explaining why she didn’t think cities such as Pinecrest, Indian Creek, and Surfside should be allowed to shop around for better fire service from one of the five municipal departments.

“There’s the question of cherry picking versus cherry volunteering,” Sorenson said. “I don’t think it was just about cherry picking. I think it was some of the municipalities who were trying to get into another service.”

Hey, and what better way to rally the troops than referencing Sept. 11. It seems to work for the republicans.

“While I don’t want to sound like Guiliani, because I’m not that big of a fan of Guiliani,” Sorenson said. “I think the world changed [Sept. 11]. The need for regionalization increased.”

So besides deciding between an old white dude and a youngish black stud for president of the United States, voters will also help shape the future of fire service in Miami-Dade County on Nov. 4.

“Drugs?”

“Thank you, no. I’m straight.”

“I mean, are you in here for drugs?”

“Why are you here?”

“Drugs.” 

And with that scene in the seminal 1980s classic, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off you burst onto our screens and into our hearts. Then, you quickly followed that with Platoon, a celluloid trip to Vietnam that was filmed in the Philippines just like your dad’s role in Apocalypse Now. How is that possible, father and son in the two greatest ’Nam movies of all time?  

Wow.

Then you made another Oliver Stone movie, Wall Street. Damn dude you defined the 1980s. “Greed is good.” Well, okay, that was Michael Douglas’ Oscar winning moment, but there was a little Bud Fox in all of us at the time and you nailed it. Your dad actually plays your dad in that movie, which is like, so weird.  

The Brat Pack dude, the Brat Pack.

Another defining moment, Young Guns with your brother no less: Oh my god, is there no end to your family’s talent?

But the end of the 1980s was approaching and there was only one semi-good movie left in you, Major League. Okay, it was hardly Oscar worthy, but the bespectacled Ricky ‘Wild Thing’ Vaughn was a respectable way to round off the decade. But, you weren’t respectable were you? The drinking, the drugs and the hookers. You couldn’t handle it. It was embarrassing man.  

Then a decade of total crap, not even Hot Shots! or Major League II could save you. Where was that young drug addled kid who hit on Bueller’s sister? Oh dear, you thought he was real, didn’t you? How sad. But, you did round off the 1990s with Being John Malkovich. Yes, greatness came knocking once more.

But, why, why did you marry Denise Richards? The worst Bond girl EVER! Dr. Christmas Jones? Are you friggin’ kiddin’? Hot, yes. Okay, real hot. Hotter than a hot thing that is very hot indeed, perhaps. But, she was still the worst Bond girl ever dude. How could you stop yourself from mentioning that every time you sat down to dinner? I don’t understand, it’s frankly baffling. 

Then, TV came a-knockin’.

First, you got to replace Alex P. Keaton, sorry, Michael J. Fox on Spin City because the man couldn’t stop shaking long enough to get a decent line out. How did that feel? I bet your family was proud. And, your dad again played your dad. I love the smell of nepotism in the morning.

Second, there was Two and a Half Men, which is supposed to be funny and it has made you the highest paid actor in TV comedy, but, for some reason, I can’t bring myself to watch it.

But today isn’t about regrets or recriminations. Today is about celebrating. You made it to 43 years old, which is quite a shock, Mr. Sheen or can we call you Charlie? Hell, that’s your name in all your shows and movies now. Is that because all the drugs have fried your memory? No matter.  

Charlie, you are a great American and a beautiful human being, and today I just want to wish you a very happy birthday.

Congratulations.